Kaleidoscope
by starophie
Summary: I have hope...you and I collide. Pieces of colored glass - worthless, meaningless pieces - spin around to form beautiful designs. People are pieces, and sometimes they combine, too. Everyone's just looking for a place to belong, aren't they? A story about family, friends, and the healing power of love. AU from 3x22.
1. Entropy

hey, guys. thanks for reading! just a few quick things:

**1)** i do not claim to know anything about (**TRIGGER WARNINGS**) adoption, abuse, or almond allergies. just so you know.  
**2)** as much of an "old hat" at this ffnet thing and fanfic writing in general i am, i still don't know everything, so plz b gntl.  
**3)** feel free to bug the crap outta me on tumblr (**starophie**)  
**4)** i like music, so i'll be making a playlist probably for each chapter. if you'd like a zip file or something to dl, pm me!

playlist for entropy:

1. kaleidoscope heart - sara bareilles  
2. collide - howie day  
3. tonight's the kind of night - noah & the whale  
4. look after you - the fray  
5. entropy - katie gavin

sorry, one more thing. in this story, as with most works of fiction, i'm going to have to ask to suspend your disbelief a little bit. no one's gonna be turning into superheroes or raising flying monkeys or holding their breath underwater for an hour - but maybe people feel things too much or too little, and maybe things happen in this world in ways they shouldn't/couldn't/wouldn't in ours. i'm asking you to do the same thing you'd normally do when you watch castle or, for that matter, any other show on television - take everything with a grain of salt, and try and feel the humanity i've attempted to sow into these words.

nothing you recognize belongs to me.

love you all!

* * *

**entropy** /ˈentrəpē/ _n__._ 1) (chemistry) the measure of disorder in a given system, usually denoted by the letter S; _chaos_.

* * *

_If __only_.

Kate Beckett shot up like a rocket when her phone buzzed on her nightstand. She yanked the cord out and slid her tingly thumb across the screen.

"Beckett," she intoned automatically. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

She pressed 'End' before groaning and rolling to the left. As she stumbled out of her cozy alcove, she pressed the 'Favorites' button on her phone and selected the first option.

"Castle, we've got a murder." She tamped down a grin at his response and reprimanded him. "Don't sound so giddy!" Shaking her head, she said, "Bowery Soup Kitchen. We've been there before." She nodded and affirmed a "See you in twenty," before hanging up the phone.

She moved around her bed to the armoire by the door and picked out a pair of charcoal pants. In her mind, she formed an outfit, and moved through the drawers of the armoire and her dresser to get the pieces.

After dressing in the pants she'd chosen and a cream turtleneck and laying out a navy peacoat on her bed, she headed to her small vanity to do her makeup and get her parents' items from the jewelry box.

She ran her pointer finger lightly across the lid, tracing the outline of her parents' smiling faces. She was grateful to Castle every time she looked at the box, now. Though slightly charred, the hand carving was still in the beautiful condition her grandfather had left it in for her mother. It was simple, but elegant - and apparently, rather sturdy.

"Just like Mom," Beckett whispered. She slid the watch onto her wrist and latched it into place, and then reverently lifted the delicate chain from the red velvet and bent her head to put it on. She then slid open the lower drawer, withdrew her gun, and jammed it into its holster.

She looked around her apartment, which was still cloaked in a thick layer of dark. The almost-dawn skyline poked through her linen drapes, and she sighed at the hour. She was tired, and needed her coffee. A grin slipped, unbidden, onto her face, knowing that Castle would be waiting for her with two coffees and two bear claws (one for her and one for Lanie, of course). Much as she hated coddling, she enjoyed the warm feeling of someone looking out for her - making sure that she ate enough; worrying about her safety. She knew Castle knew she could take care of herself, but she also knew that he worried because he cared.

Royce's words reverberated in her brain. _If __only_.

"I don't know, Mike."

Beckett grabbed her keys from the cork board, locked her door behind her, and went downstairs to the garage. There, in spot 17, was Thumper, her '94 Softail. She smiled as she took her helmet off its hook and hopped on.

Though named after a bunny, Thumper purred like a kitten as Beckett revved him up. She pushed back the kickstand and zoomed out of her space, pressing down the button to let her out of the garage.

The cool May dawn and the air whipping around her as she rode calmed Beckett. She liked the roar of the wind in her ears - it canceled out the rumbling thoughts in her mind better than any pricey pair of headphones. And her ride to the precinct was her morning ritual. When she didn't have a case, it was her breath of fresh air (literally) before she had to hunker down at her desk and go through mounds of paperwork. But when she did have a case, especially one she didn't have anything on yet (like this fresh one), it kept her from stewing too much before she even got to work.

So she just let the breeze consume her as she drove to the 12th. Before she knew it, she was turning onto East 9th and into the underground garage. She scanned her card and puttered down to the third level and her Vic.

"Hi, Liz," she greeted the navy squad car. "Ready for another case?" She'd parked her bike and locked it, so she unlocked the door of her sedan and got situated before leaving the garage again.

It was unusual for her to be returning to the same place where she had questioned someone about another murder, but it wasn't completely unheard of. To Beckett, though, the mystery right now was why someone would be killed at a soup kitchen. Her gut told her that this wasn't a garden-variety homicide, and she couldn't imagine a volunteer caught up in the middle of some scandal Castle was sure to concoct.

The writer was, of course, already at the scene when she pulled up. He rushed over to her and grabbed her door. She stamped out the silly grin trying to force its way onto her mouth and quirked an eyebrow instead.

He didn't respond, just handed her a fresh thermos of coffee and a bear claw.

"There are a bunch of people here, already." His voice was low. "Some kids."

Beckett knew Castle well enough to know that any time kids were involved in a case, his heart broke a little. "People she helped?"

He nodded solemnly. She jerked her head in the direction of the kitchen, and he lead the way.

They passed under the tape that one of the unis held up for them, and made their way over to Lanie and Esposito. Beckett spotted Ryan taking a statement from an older man standing in the corner. Looking more closely, she recognized him as the owner, Jim Van-Eps.

"White female, average build, mid-to-late-40s," Lanie stated, without preamble. Beckett noted that she had cropped blonde hair and soft, but slender, features. "One shot to the back of the head. Looks like a .38. And Beckett," Lanie said softly. "Signs of sexual assault."

Beckett inhaled sharply. "Any ID?"

Ryan walked Jim over at her question. "This is Mr. Van-Eps, the owner," he whispered quietly to Beckett.

"I believe we've met," Castle interjected. "I'd say it's a pleasure to see you again, but..."

Jim smiled slightly at Castle's attempt at levity. "You as well, Mr. Castle." He nodded in Beckett's direction. "Detective."

Beckett tipped her chin in acknowledgment. "She worked for you?"

Jim nodded. "Her name is - _was_ - Agnes Bradley. She was a...beloved volunteer. She actually got to know some of our regulars, especially some of the teenagers who stay at the mission."

Castle grimaced slightly. "The girls standing over there?" He gestured to a cluster of kids, at the forefront of which were two teenage girls huddled and crying.

"Lucy and Charlie were the closest to her. Sometimes, they would come by to help her serve others, just to talk or be around her. I don't understand who would do this. Everyone loved her." Jim was obviously upset, so Beckett murmured her thanks and led Castle and the boys over and away from the body.

"What else did you find out, Ryan?" Beckett asked softly.

"Just that they close at midnight and open around four, and Aggie closed up alone last night."

Beckett nodded. "Alright, thanks. Castle, let's go see what these girls know, okay?"

They walked over to the group. One girl, the older-looking one, was wearing tatty yoga pants, sneakers, and an oversized sweatshirt. She was cradling the younger girl's head against her chest, and she was crying quietly. The younger girl's shoulders shook. She wore an army jacket, bleached skinny jeans, and floral Docs.

Beckett thought it a shame to interrupt their grieving, but knew she had to. "Excuse me, are you two Lucy and Charlie?"

"Yeah, I'm Lucy," the older girl replied shakily. "This is Charlie."

At the sound of her name, Charlie's head had perked up. Beckett noticed that her eyes were red, but her face was not wet. She made a mental note of that fact before asking them if they would answer a few questions. Both girls agreed, so Beckett and Castle led them to a table in a far corner.

"For our records, what are your full names and ages?"

Beckett noticed another oddity about Charlie - she looked at Lucy, frightened, before Lucy nodded at her and began to speak. "I'm Lucy Jones, and I'm twenty."

"I'm Charlotte Harris," Charlie said quietly. She looked up at Beckett with big, cobalt eyes. "I'm fourteen."

Beckett's heart clenched. "How well did the two of you know Ms. Bradley?"

Lucy spoke. "She was the best. Aggie kind of, just, had that motherly way about her. She knew exactly what to say without you telling her anything about what you were feeling. We came in here as often as we did to be around her; to have that kind of connection again. She was basically our mom." Lucy's voice cracked as she said the last sentence. Charlie raised a hand to rub Lucy's upper arm in support.

"Did you ever notice anyone in here that was threatening towards her?" Castle's voice was soft, and Beckett was reminded, once again, that he was a great father.

Charlie shook her head and glanced back at Beckett. "No, not at all. Sometimes we'd have a rougher crowd than others, but Aggie just told us to smile through it. That's what she always did. She used to say all these proverbs, like 'you'll catch more flies with honey' and 'kill them with kindness.' She believed that everyone had good in them, if you just let them show you."

The right corner of her mouth quirked up in a half-smile, and Beckett blinked a few times. Then she shook her head.

Castle seemed to notice her confused frustration, because he cut in. "Well, I think that's all we need right now. Is there a way we can get in touch with you if we need to?"

Charlie looked blankly at her folded hands, so Lucy spoke up. "If you call here, Jim or someone can get a message to us. Does that work?"

Beckett needed to regain her authority. "That's perfect," she said quickly. "We'll be in touch."

"Please catch the monster who did this." Lucy's voice was quiet, but firm.

"We'll do our very best." Beckett waved back at Charlie as she and Castle walked back over to Ryan and Espo, who had finished taking statements.

"What'd you find out, boys?" Castle was trying to lighten the tension, which Beckett silently appreciated.

"Boys?"

"Boys, bro?" Ryan and Esposito (respectively) were miffed, to put it mildly. Castle grinned with a twinkle in his eyes. Espo shook his head and answered the question. "Not much, you know. Our vic was well-liked, didn't fight, and has no history of criminal activity."

"Family?" Beckett asked softly.

"None." Ryan knitted his brow. "She was a total spinster."

"She didn't even have cats." Espo cut in.

Beckett glared and rolled her eyes. "That is so sexist!"

"How?" He held his hands up in self-defense.

"Because you automatically assume that since she's a childless woman who lives alone, that she would have cats. It's a bad stereotype." Castle nodded sagely.

"Live with women, bro, and you'll learn a thing or two." Ryan nudged his partner to let him know he was joking, and Esposito whacked him lightly.

Beckett got back to business. "Okay, guys. Can you go to Ms. Bradley's apartment and see if there's anything there that would tie her to anything illegal or dangerous?"

"Got it, boss," Espo joshed with a salute.

Beckett grinned, but inside, she was angry and upset at the fact that they had zero leads. As Esposito and Ryan left the soup kitchen, Castle looked over at his partner with concern.

"We'll find something."

"I hope so, Castle."

As they walked to Beckett's car to drive back to the precinct, Beckett decided to bring up something that had been bugging her.

"Castle?"

He looked over and noticed her lower lip between her teeth. "Yeah?" His voice was soft and soothing, the way she'd sometimes heard him speak to his mother and daughter. She allowed herself a brief moment to be comforted by that voice.

"Did you get a kind of...weird vibe from her?"

"From whom?"

She blew out her cheeks. "The younger girl we interviewed. Charlie?"

"I don't know. Can you elaborate?"

"Well, like...she kept _looking_ at me." Beckett felt stupid for sounding so paranoid, but she'd felt the girl's eyes on her almost the entire time they talked.

"Yeah, I did notice that," Castle admitted. "But it wasn't like she was sizing you up. It was more like she was trying to memorize you."

"Well, that's reassuring," Beckett sniped.

"I just mean that it was like she'd met you before. Maybe in another life! Oh, how cool would that be, if you were both reincarnated from another life into this one and found your way back to each other!"

Beckett couldn't help letting a small giggle escape. "Shut up, Castle."

"Oh, you love my theories."

She couldn't deny that he made all of her bad days better. Much as she made a show about him being too immature for murder, she knew how appropriate he could be when he needed to be. And he had great instincts, that man. He knew just when she needed him to be serious, and just when she needed him to joke (even if she wouldn't admit that she needed him at all).

"But you don't think it's dumb, do you?" She was feeling vulnerable.

He looked down into her clear hazel eyes and smiled affectionately. "I never think you're dumb, Kate."

She barely dragged herself out of his crystal pools to focus her own eyes back on the road. But she started up her car, and they were on their way.

_The __last __thing __you __want __is __to __look __back __on __your __life __and __wonder__...__if __only__._

* * *

"You ready to go?" Lucy asked quietly. They had just been dismissed from a semi-staff meeting at the soup kitchen, in which Jim had given them details about Aggie's funeral and reminded them to stay safe.

Charlie nodded. She looked around nervously and pulled her satchel strap down with her thumb. "We're good. Let's go."

They walked up 2nd and Houston to the F train, took that to Bryant Park, and walked around to the library.

"What are we looking for, exactly?" Lucy whispered as they sat down at two computers.

Charlie tugged at her ponytail. "I honestly have no idea."

"Why didn't you ever tell me about him? You knew what happened with my uncle," Lucy said, a strain of hurt in her voice.

Charlie dropped her head. "I was just embarrassed, I guess."

Lucy patted her hand. "Yeah, I know. Okay, so tell me again what happened?"

Charlie took a deep breath. "Two years after my dad and brothers died, when I was ten, my mom got remarried to _Brian_." She bit the name out like it had a foul flavor. "By the time I was eleven, he had begun to beat on me. When I was twelve...he...he took _it_." Charlie was shaking, and Lucy kept her hands pressed against Charlie's to let her know she was still there. "And whenever I would fight back against him, he would beat on me _and_ Mama. So I tried not to. But one day she found out what had been going on. She confronted him - said she was going to the police. She didn't know what was happening...he pulled out his gun and sh-shot her. She was just lying there, all crumpled a-and bloody..."

"Shh, baby girl, it's okay," Lucy soothed calmly. Her face was pained and sad, but she didn't let her own emotions get in the way of her instinct to comfort Charlie.

Charlie pulled back, face stark white, but tearless. Lucy looked concerned, but Charlie shook her head. "Anyway, that's when I left. Changed my name, et cetera. But, um, there's one thing I didn't tell you before."

Lucy cocked her head. "What's that?"

"Well, show you, actually." Charlie swung her satchel around to rest on her lap and began to rummage through it. She moved her teddy bear, Norman, out of the way, and pulled out a pink, blue, and green polka dot tin. She pushed up the corners with her thumbs. It swung open slowly on its hinge, and she rifled through the contents of the tin until she reached what she wanted.

It was a picture, actually. The photo paper was crinkled and yellowing, and Charlie delicately uncreased the image before handing it off to her friend.

Lucy clasped the photo gently in the crook of her index fingers with her thumbs. The girl in the picture was laughing, head thrown back. Charlie had figured she was maybe fifteen - only a bit older than her age now, she realized with a pang. She had her hair in a burgundy velvet scrunchie that matched her floral babydoll dress. Her hair was crimped and teased, and one foot was kicked up in the air, showing off the black tights that were tucked into her slouchy white athletic socks and Keds.

"Who is this?"

Charlie bit her lip. "You don't recognize her?"

Lucy tilted her head one way, then the other. "You know, she does look kind of familiar..._oh_," she said in wonder. "This is is the detective we met today, isn't it?"

Charlie nodded. "I think so."

"How did you get this?"

"Mama gave it to me, about a month before she...died."

Lucy looked over at her strangely, then. "Why would she have given you a picture of that detective? You didn't know Aggie then..."

"Luce, did I ever tell you I was adopted?"

Lucy scratched a spot next to her eyebrow. "You may have mentioned it once, yeah. Why?"

"Because this is a picture of my birth mother."

"But I thought it was a picture of-oh! Oh!"

"Shh!" An old man grunted at her from another table. Lucy started and waved her frantic apology.

Charlie grinned her half-smile in amusement, and then raised an eyebrow at her friend.

"I knew you were acting weird around her!" Lucy accused. "You kept staring at her, and you talked a ton - more than you talk to anyone but me!"

"Really?" Charlie blushed. "Do you think she noticed?"

"Nah, probably not." Lucy grew serious. "But if she _is_ your birth mom, then isn't she legally responsible for you since you have no living family?"

"Well, no. Because technically, I do have living family."

Lucy's eyes went wide. "Who?"

"Brian Wright," Charlie muttered.

After they'd searched for hours for any information on Brian Scott Wright (without any hits), Lucy and Charlie began to pack it in. They decided to treat themselves to hot dogs on the corner and eat them in the park.

"Mmmph," Lucy groaned around her relish and mustard-y dog. "So good."

"You're disgusting," Charlie said with a giggle. But she made a very similar noise as she bit into her ketchup and onion footlong.

"Hello, ladies," a greasy-haired boy in black skinny jeans and a maroon hoodie simpered.

Charlie tried to surreptitiously scoot away from him while Lucy snarled a, "Get lost, loser," his way.

He held his hands up in surrender. "Whoa, there, chicas. Don't mean no harm. Just wanted to know if you're in the mood to party tonight!"

"No way!"

"Maybe?"

Lucy and the boy both stared at Charlie. "Are you sure, baby?" Lucy whispered.

"I don't know...I thought it would be fun?" Charlie looked nervous now that she'd suggested it.

Oblivious to the exchange, the boy said, "Alright! We're right near Walker Park. Just come to the old pill factory." He laughed at a joke only he knew. "Tell 'em Marco sent you, okay?" They nodded, and he walked away.

"We don't have to go," Lucy said, once he was out of earshot.

"I'll think about it." But Lucy knew she'd already made up her mind. Charlie was not one to back down from a challenge.

Later that night, they waited until the matron had come to their room, and then they quickly added make-up and jewelry to the outfits they'd hidden under the covers. Lucy helped Charlie out the window before following, and they began the thirty-minute walk to the pill factory.

"We're friends of Marco?" Lucy offered, once they got to the door.

The burly dude drew swirls on their hands with his Sharpie and let them pass.

"Yo, chicas!" Marco sidled up to them as they came in. "You came!"

Charlie nodded uncomfortably.

"Back off, _chico_," Lucy hissed. He held his hands up and backed away slowly.

"Thanks," Charlie said.

"Any time. Okay, so, what's the game plan?"

They split up. Lucy went to look for un-spiked drinks, and Charlie felt like dancing. She got caught up in the music, and made enough friends that she didn't notice how much time had passed between when Lucy said she'd be back and the present.

When she glanced at her watch, then, to realize it was past one AM, she was completely shocked.

"Have you seen my friend?" She asked a girl dancing by her. "Medium height, long dark hair, big-"

"I think she went home," the girl yelled back. "Mike, did you see her friend?"

"She went home!" Mike slurred. Charlie nodded her thanks and pushed her way out of the throng.

"Yo, chica! Where you goin'?" Marco asked as he found his way to Charlie's side for the second time that night.

"Home," she responded uncomfortably.

"So soon? Nah, bruh, you gotta stay! Party's just gettin' started!"

"No, Marco, I gotta-"

"Have a drink!" He ignored her, pushing a red cup into her hand.

"No, I-"

"Drink!" So she did.

She felt woozy, and the cup splashed out of her hand. Marco took her wrist and dragged her with him down the hall.

A bunch of naked girls were piled on the floor around a drum set. Marco pulled off Charlie's gauzy top and tight skirt as she tried vainly to fight him off, leaving her in bikini panties and a strapless bra, both of which he removed. He then pulled off her boots and socks, and rolled her on top of another girl. She tried to force herself to get up, but her body slowly lost more and more range of motion, and she succumbed to the blackness.

"Alright, dudes, you ready to play?" A nerdy kid with glasses yelled from the corner of the room. Marco sat behind his kit and waited for three other guys to take their places behind guitar, bass, and mic before he counted off a beat on his sticks.

"Rolling!" The camera kid called again, and they started filming their first music video.

On a lower floor, beneath the roar of two bands blasting their music, a shot went off. One body sank, lifeless, to the floor; another slunk off into the night.

* * *

"Alexis!"

"Yeah, Dad?"

Castle looked around for his daughter. "Where are you?"

"Getting ready!"

He looked at his watch. "Haven't you been getting ready for the past twenty minutes?"

"No wonder you haven't stayed married," Martha said, smacking the back of his head as she walked into the kitchen.

Castle rubbed his skull with a rueful pout. "What? It's not like she has an outfit to pick out!"

Alexis walked downstairs, glaring lightly at her father. "So? I have other things to do."

"Like-"

"You don't wanna know, kiddo," Martha cut in. Alexis smiled and walked over to her grandmother to kiss her good morning.

"Anyway, Dad, why the hurry? You know I don't have to be at school until 9," she furrowed her brow.

"Well, I was gonna drop you off today. You know," he said awkwardly at her bemused look, "get in some quality Dad/Alexis time before I have to go to the precinct. Beckett and I have that new case, and there aren't any leads, so I might be home late." He frowned and looked pleadingly at his daughter.

She sighed slightly and smiled. Pecking him on the cheek, she said, "That's sweet, Dad." Just then, his phone rang. Alexis tilted her head and grinned.

"It's Beckett," he said, unable to hide his pleased smile. "Detective Beckett! I was just talking about you."

He paused, taking in her response. "Ooh, how very intriguing! But I might be a little late. I was going to take Alexis to school today."

The girl in question motioned for him to pause the call. "Beckett, hold on a second." He held the phone away from his ear, muffling the speaker with three fingers. "What's up?"

"It's okay, really. You don't have to take me to school."

"But-"

"Tell you what. I'll buy you dinner tonight! Just the two of us. I mean, if Gram doesn't mind..."

Martha shook her head. "Of course not, darling."

Alexis nodded. "So it's settled, then. Tell Detective Beckett you'll be there right away."

Castle pouted, but put his ear back to the phone. "Never mind, Beckett! I have just been informed that my services are not needed." He nodded at whatever she said in response, and then said, "Alright. See you there."

Castle walked over to Alexis, and kissed her forehead. "Have a lovely day at school, offspring."

"Have a good case, Dad."

Martha blew him a kiss and said, "Good luck, kiddo!"

"Goodbye, Mother." He waved once and then left.

At the crime scene, Beckett was waiting with Lanie. "That was fast, Castle," she said upon spotting him.

"I know a shortcut," he said with a wink. She rolled her eyes. "Where are the boys?"

"Off chasing leads on the Bradley case." She sobered.

"What's wrong?"

"The thing is, Castle..." She began. "You know our new vic. I do too."

"How do we know her?" He looked incredibly confused.

"We met her yesterday. The older girl at the soup kitchen, Lucy? Lucy Jones. She got shot in the back of the head."

Castle's face went blank. "Shot? Just like Aggie Bradley?"

"Same size, too," Lanie chimed in solemnly. ".38 millimeter. And signs of assault as well."

"So, you think we're dealing with a serial killer?" Castle asked quietly.

Beckett nodded, face grim. "That's exactly what I think, Castle."

* * *

Charlie woke up, naked and disoriented. Girls all around her were shuffling in embarrassment and anger to find their clothes and get out of there. And then, the shouts started coming.

"Cops!" People screamed. "Cops are here!"

Charlie put her bra, underwear, and skirt back on. She couldn't find her shirt, so she grabbed a wrinkly button-up from the floor and knotted it at her waist. She put her socks on and was lacing her boots when the second round of shouts started.

"There's a girl dead! Shot dead!"

The thought of a girl being shot cleared Charlie's fuzzy brain instantly. Her brain went flooding back to her mom, lying cold on the stairs, and Brian, the man she was sure was responsible. Then she thought of Aggie, dead on the floor of the soup kitchen. She ran out of the room and followed the trail of curious and scared teenagers.

"Alright, kids, stay back. There's nothing to see here." Officer Hastings was tasked with crowd control, an especially hard job when the crowd in question was a bunch of hungover teenagers.

She turned her back to the kids already behind the tape as soon as she heard the new wave start pounding down the stairs. "C'mon, people - behind the yellow tape. Stay if you must, but let us do our jobs."

Charlie was in the last part of the group, and she halted when she saw that it was Detective Beckett on this case. And then she saw the victim.

It couldn't be. She went home - they _said_ she went home. And yet, there it was; the familiar reddish-brown curls, the green and blue loops of the dress she'd had on last night, the glint of the garnet ring she wore on her middle left finger.

* * *

"Lucy? LUCY!"

Beckett and Castle both turned at the anguished cries. Beckett's eyes widened. "Oh, no," she whispered, more to herself than anyone on her team.

She saw her own life flash before her eyes. Her, a wise-for-her-years nineteen-year old, clutching her dad's hand as they walked into their apartment to discover a strange man sitting on the couch. Detective Raglan telling them what happened to her, and her running into her room and throwing the biggest tantrum she'd ever thrown. When she got angry, she had to be physical. It had always been in her nature. Staring at her mother's mangled body, cold in an alleyway. The pictures were in her house, her _sanctuary_. Something that gruesome and tragic, one can never fully step away from.

But this girl...this fourteen-year old girl, who lived in a homeless shelter; whose two best friends were killed. She shouldn't have to deal with that publicly. So Beckett made a split-second decision.

"Hastings, get them _outta_ here!" The cop who felt rather indebted to Beckett immediately complied, herding the horde of teenagers out of the building. As she went to grab Charlie, Beckett yelled, "No!"

"Detective Beckett?" Amy questioned.

"Leave her here. We need to talk to her." Amy nodded and let her alone.

Charlie was muttering to herself. "Lucy, no, not you too. Lucy..."

"Charlie? I'm Kate Beckett, do you remember me? We met yesterday."

Charlie blinked up at her, dark eyes still bleary with drugs and sleep. "Kate," she whispered softly.

"What were you both doing here last night?" Beckett asked.

"There was a p-party," Charlie began, stumbling slightly over her words. "I got...roofied?" She tilted her head in question, as if she didn't know the answer. "They said...they said she went _home_. They told me she went home!"

Beckett reached out instinctively and put her hands on Charlie's shoulders. Castle watched on curiously, smiling slightly at Beckett's actions. "I need you to calm down, okay? Can you do that for me?"

Charlie stared up at Beckett and took a deep breath. Beckett examined her bloodshot eyes and general incoherence.

"Let's go down to the station, okay? We'll get you some food and water, and we can talk about what you remember from last night."

Charlie nodded slowly, and Beckett smiled in response.

"Let's go, then." Beckett kept a hand between Charlie's shoulder blades, pushing her forward as she turned back to beckon Castle.

"You'll call us when you know something?" Lanie nodded at Castle's question and he waved at her as he scrambled after Beckett.

When they got back to the station, Beckett and Castle shared an awkward glance as they rode up.

Castle decided to break the tension. "Charlie, what can I get you for breakfast? I'm gonna make a coffee run."

"N-nothing, I'm fine," she said.

"C'mon," Beckett said with a laugh, "we gotta feed you, or the DA will indict me on cruelty to a witness."

"Then anything, I guess. But I'm allergic to almonds," she added, as an afterthought.

"No almonds. Got it. Beckett, you want your usual?"

"Yeah, thanks." She smiled slightly at him as they got off the elevator and he pressed the down button again.

"We're just gonna go into this room on the right, okay?" Beckett pointed, straight ahead. Charlie nodded and followed behind her and onto the couch. "Do you want some water or anything to drink?"

"Water, please," Charlie asked shyly.

"I'll be right back." Beckett smiled, trying to soothe the girl's nerves.

She let out a slow sigh as she stepped into the break room. Normally, she tried not to get close to witnesses, and generally was successful in keeping emotional distance. But with kids, and girls especially, she had an eternal soft spot. And Charlie reminded her so much of herself that she couldn't help but want to make her feel a little bit better.

She reached into the cabinet to grab a glass.

"Yo, Beckett! Who's the girl in the conference room?"

Beckett nearly dropped the cup on the floor. "Jesus, Karpowski!"

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," she apologized with a chuckle.

"It's fine," Beckett shook it off distractedly as she fully turned to face the other detective. "Um, she's just a witness for my new case."

"The volunteer?"

Beckett sighed. "No, we got a new one. Same MO, related victim."

Karpowski blew out a breath. "Man, that's rough. Serial?"

"Yeah, we think so. Anyway, is something wrong?"

Karpowski shook her head. "Nah, just wondering. We don't get kids in here that often."

Beckett nodded. "Yeah. Castle went to go get us some breakfast. She's been through a lot in the past couple days."

"Well, I gotta get back to paperwork. Good talking to you," Karpowski said awkwardly. Beckett nodded her goodbye. She and Karpowski made pleasantries, and Beckett liked her, but had never really made the effort to get to know her, and now felt like it was too late.

She looked through the window into the conference room. Charlie sat, playing with the ties of her shirt. Beckett couldn't shake a feeling of familiarity with her, like Castle was right and they _had_ met before. And she wanted to protect this girl; keep her safe. She just hoped it wasn't too little, too late.

* * *

Charlie went to her room that night, exhausted. She'd spent the day at the precinct fielding questions about Lucy and Aggie, and then she hadn't had the energy or will to leave. Detective Beckett, by some miracle, had allowed her to stay, and she'd watched them call around and hunt for clues.

She felt bad, really, because she couldn't tell them the whole truth or her theories. It was just too dangerous.

As she stepped into the tiny room that she and Lucy had shared, she remembered just how dangerous. Lucy had gotten close to her, and look what had happened; to Aggie, too. Her nose stung as she looked around at all of Lucy's things - the rag blanket she'd made, the cheap-y instant pictures they'd taken, the small tub of clothes she'd collected. Charlie reached into the container and pulled out the first shirt she found.

She remembered when Lucy got it - they'd decided to go 'shopping' at the Salvation Army next door.

_"Oh my gosh, Charlie, come over here!" Lucy was cracking up, and Charlie couldn't help but smile in response._

_"What, Luce?"_

_"Who would ever wear a shirt like this?"_

_The tee was a black v-neck, but had this red glittery lip graphic with sharp, pointy, white teeth, and a caption that said 'BITE ME'._

_"Maybe it's ironic?" Charlie giggled._

_"I have to get it!"_

At first, they refused to sell it, because it was 'crude' (and had a vampire connotation), but when Lucy offered to buy a bible and a rosary - and convinced the clerk that it would be easier for her to take it off their hands than to dispose of - her offer was accepted.

Charlie's grin faded with the memory. She lifted the shirt up to her nose. There was the citrus-y detergent she used, the lavender of her lotion, and something else. Home.

Charlie took off her boots and jacket and curled up in bed with the t-shirt. She pulled Norman out of her bag and clutched him under her right arm. Her eyes burned, but they wouldn't close. She just stayed supine on her small bed, staring at the wall, all night.

* * *

Aside from Aggie and Lucy's funerals, she'd spent all week at the precinct. She'd found a black dress in the bottom of Lucy's box. Otherwise, she just wore her normal outfit of jeans, boots, and jacket, but with Lucy's t-shirt instead of her own.

The team of detectives still had no solid leads, and though Charlie knew she was doing the right thing, she felt guilty about letting them run in circles. But she made up for it in her own way, doing what she could to help out.

As she made Beckett coffee on Friday afternoon, she began to sing softly to herself, without even realizing she was doing it.

"Drink to the foam! Until we meet once more, here's wishing you a happy voyage home!"

"Navy girl, are you?" Charlie started so bad, she nearly tipped over the mug she'd been making for Beckett.

"Detective Esposito!"

He laughed, and she glared at him. "Sorry, Charlie. Didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," she said, hand still on her hip. "Anyway, not me, but my grandpa was a Navy man. He used to sing me that all the time."

"I'm Army, by the way," he said.

"Ah, those caissons," Charlie said with a grin.

"You know all the songs?"

"Just Army, Navy, and Marines," she answered. "My uncle was a Marine, and my dad was in the army."

Esposito looked impressed. "Cool."

But he smiled at her, almost fondly, and she knew she'd found a friend.

"Alright, guys," Castle said loudly as Charlie brought over the coffee. "I'm heading up to the Hamptons for the weekend. Alexis has some big girl plans with Meredith, and I do _not_ want to be around when that hurricane hits.

"Who's Meredith?" Charlie asked Beckett quietly.

"His ex-wife, and his daughter's mom." Beckett looked up and smiled at Castle. "Have a good time, Castle."

"Have a good weekend, Beckett," he said sincerely. A shadow passed across her face for a split-second.

"You too, Castle."

Charlie stood, suddenly feeling exhausted. "You know, I think I'll go too. See you Monday? If you want."

Beckett looked slightly confused for a second, and then smiled. "We'll still be here."

"Great," Charlie said. "See you then."

"Bye, Charlie."

"Bye, everybody!"

"And then there were three," Ryan said under his breath.

Beckett watched Charlie and Castle leave, feeling a heavy weight fall on her shoulders. She rolled her eyes at herself in confusion - why was Charlie affecting her so much? She didn't understand, but she had bigger things to worry about, like this weekend.

"I think I'm gonna go soon, too. We're not really doing anything anyway. You two should go."

"Whatever you say, boss," Ryan teased.

"See you Monday?" Beckett asked absentmindedly.

"See you Monday, Beckett," Espo said, as he and Ryan packed up. She nodded and grabbed her bag as she walked towards the elevator.

"Everybody's crazy, apparently," Ryan muttered.

"Tell me about it, bro."

"Oh, Espo," Ryan said suddenly.

"Yeah, dude?"

"Still no Charlotte Harris on the Missing Persons list?"

"Either no one knows she's gone, or she's not who she says she is."


	2. Brachistochrone

playlist (all women this week for our girl's weekend):

1. mother mother - the veronicas  
2. lovesick mistake - erin mccarley  
3. friend - kaitlyn  
4. butterfly child - sophie madeleine  
5. flowers up - sam phillips  
6. say uncle - vienna teng  
7. the minnow & the trout - a fine frenzy

as always, nothing you recognize belongs to me.

hope y'all enjoy!

* * *

**brachistochrone** /brəˈkistəˌkrōn/ _n__._ 1) (math) A curve between two points along which a body can move under gravity in a _shorter_ _time period _than for any other curve.

* * *

Beckett went home that night, itching for a warm bath and a good book. As she tossed a jasmine- and cherry-scented bath bomb under the tap, she hunted for a book to read as she soaked. She pored over her stacks on the steps, looked through all of her bookshelves, and rifled through the pile on the coffee table, but nothing popped out to her.

Then, she knew exactly what book to read. And found it in the most unlikely of places (right where she'd left it) - on her nightstand. Because she'd known she'd be wanting to read it sometime this weekend.

Beckett picked up the brown book, running her fingertips lightly over the hot pink scissor patterns on the cover and spine. The linen-y cloth felt good under her palms, and she smiled slightly in satisfaction.

She and her mom loved to read this book together. They were never very religious, but the message was good. Also, as her mother had told her many times, she was named for Jo. So it seemed fitting tribute to her mom that she would read this book, about mothers and daughters, on Mother's Day (or, almost Mother's Day).

She cracked open the book and flipped through the acknowledgements to the first page.

"_Christmas __won__'__t __be __Christmas __without __any __presents__," __grumbled __Jo__, __lying __on __the __rug__._

"I miss you, Mom," Beckett whispered, shutting the book and going in to take her bath.

* * *

Alexis sighed, and ran a hand over her face. She looked down at her phone, which read, _Plz __call __and __tell __me __wat __UR __doing __ths __wknd __w__/ __UR __mom__!_

She dialed his number and pressed call, trying to refrain from rolling her eyes. "Hey, Dad. I already told you my plans for this weekend! Like, a thousand times. I don't remember if you were writing...maybe! But that's not an excuse!"

She sighed, dramatically, and then took a deep breath. "Okay, her flight gets in at seven, and then she's meeting me at The Surrey for dinner at Bouloud, which is downstairs. We have one of the two-bedroom Presidential suites, under Alexis Harper. Tomorrow, we're going to hit the gym in the morning for yoga and pilates, and then go to the spa for massages, facials, and mani-pedis. Sunday morning, we're meeting Taylor, Kelsey, Paige, and their moms for brunch at Locanda Verde. I was planning to take her shopping and then maybe go to a couple art exhibits I've had my eye on, grab a light lunch, and get her to JFK for her flight back to LA, which leaves at five."

Alexis' phone beeped in her ear, and she pulled back to look at it. At first, she was confused, because her mom was supposed to be hundreds of miles in the air. But the caller ID said Meredith Harper, and it was her cell number, so Alexis couldn't buy that it might be someone else. "Hey, Dad, I'll call you back. Someone's on the other line. Okay, love you too. Bye."

She hit the green button, again, to transfer to call waiting. "Mom? Why aren't you on a plane? Was your flight delayed or something?"

Her face fell and her nose began to burn. "Wh-what? No, I understand..." Alexis stared at her paisley duffel bag, now looking so pitiful and childish on the floor. "No, Mom, that's great. I'm really happy for you. Right, some other time. Okay, talk to you later. Love you too. Goodbye."

Alexis grabbed one of the pillows off the couch and buried her face in it. She began to cry. She beat her fist against the couch cushions, but it did nothing to make her feel any better.

"Gram's on a date," she thought aloud, "and Dad's going to the Hamptons. What am I supposed to do?"

She took a deep breath. "You're going to have a good time, regardless, Alexis. Buck up." She grabbed her duffel and purse, and stomped to the door. She turned off the lights and locked the door behind herself.

* * *

Beckett was on her couch, on her second glass of wine and the last chapter of Part One when her doorbell rang. She looked at her watch and squinted, confused as to who would be coming over now but Castle, who was in the Hamptons, and Josh, who was in Japan.

Regardless of confusion, though, she put her book down and went to the door, taking a final sip of wine before setting the glass on the counter. But even she was not prepared to see who she did through the peephole.

"Alexis?"

The girl in question smiled awkwardly. "Hi, Detective Beckett. I hope I'm not intruding," she said, nervously glancing into the apartment.

"Not at all. Please, come in," she offered, standing aside to let Alexis and her bags pass through. "And it's Kate, remember?"

Alexis grinned sheepishly. "Right, sorry."

Kate bit her lip. "So, are you planning to stay a while...?"

"Oh gosh, no! I mean, not that it wouldn't be cool, but obviously I haven't talked to you about that, or my dad, and I don't think he would be too thrilled about it, and plus I barely know you! Not that you're a stranger or anything, but you and I haven't really talked that much except about my dad and you two going to events and that time we talked about studying abroad, and also I feel sort of like I know you because he talks about you _all_ the time, but-"

"Alexis! Whoa, there. Take a breath!"

"Sorry," she whispered. "I babble when I'm nervous."

Kate softened. "Come, sit down." She patted the blue tweed invitingly, moving her book to the coffee table so there'd be room for Alexis and her stuff. Alexis took the bait, laying her duffel and purse at the end of the chaise and sitting next to Beckett on the sofa.

"So, what are you doin' here?" Beckett asked.

Alexis gave a forced smile. "Just wanted some company."

Beckett raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Well," Alexis started, chewing her lip in thought. "You know Dad's out of town." It was more of a statement than a question, but Kate nodded anyway. "And Gram has free reign of the loft, because-"

"Because you have big plans with your mom this weekend," Beckett finished, confused.

"_Had_," Alexis corrected, dropping her head.

"What?" Beckett meant to sound shocked, but Alexis must've heard it as confused, because she clarified.

"Well, she got a big audition offer, but they're running out of time, so they have to do it this weekend. It's not a big deal."

"Of course it's a big deal! You never get to see her, and you _miss_ her, and it's Mother's Day!"

"I mean, I guess...but it's her life. I can't just expect her to drop everything for me."

Beckett stepped away from her own feelings for a bit. "Of course you can, Alexis. She's your _mother_. It's her job to be there for you whenever you need her to be." She winced at that sentence, but Alexis didn't seem to notice.

"I'm just used to it, I guess."

"Well, you shouldn't be." Beckett rested her chin on a pillow as she clutched it to her stomach. She thought back on all the times she must've sounded so stupid to Castle in her defense of Meredith. She kicked herself, just as she had a second ago, for projecting her feelings on to reality. Maybe this was normal for Alexis.

"I don't know. I mean, I love my mom, but I can only really take her in small doses. Kind of like a deep-fried Twinkie, you know?"

Beckett bit the pillow to keep from laughing. Then she sobered, thinking about how, when she was Alexis' age, she felt the same way about her own mom. And now, she'd give anything to see her again.

"Oh my gosh, Detective Beckett! I am _so_ sorry! I know this weekend must be hard for you - Dad even reminded me - and that was so insensitive! Oh my gosh!" Alexis was babbling, again, and Beckett looked up to see her guilty blue eyes, so similar to her father's.

"Alexis, sweetie, please calm down." Like a puppy, Alexis shut up on command. "You're fine, okay? I'm a tough cookie, like my grandma always said. I can handle stuff."

"I'm still sorry."

"Not a problem."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither knowing how to continue the conversation. Then Alexis spoke up.

"How did I end up with a mom that doesn't want to be around me?" Her voice was stable, but a look in her eyes revealed her vulnerability and childlike hurt. Beckett had no good answer for her.

"I honestly have no idea. But you did end up with an amazing dad, who loves you more than I've ever seen anyone love anything. And to be honest, I know that's how your mom feels about you too. She just doesn't know how to show it."

"How do you know that?"

Beckett went completely still. Her mouth opened, but she couldn't force a sound out. But she knew that if she ever wanted Alexis to trust her, she had to be as honest with Alexis as Alexis was with her. Which (unfortunately for Beckett) right now, was pretty damn honest. "Because that's how much I love my daughter."

"Wh-what?" Alexis' eyes were wide, and she looked completely stunned. "You have a _daughter_?"

Beckett met her gaze. "When I was your age, I made a series of bad choices. I was always such a good girl, and I was ugly. Then I had my, what is it you say?" Alexis let out a breathy laugh as Beckett said, "Ugly-duckling-into-swan moment, and all the girls wanted to be my friend and all the boys wanted me to be their girlfriend. In high school, Maddie, this girl named Dana, and I were queen bees. And I got stupid. I got knocked up at sixteen, and in May of my junior year, I had a baby girl."

"That's like me," Alexis whispered, astonished.

Beckett nodded solemnly. "I gave her up for adoption, and now she's living a carefree life in New Jersey somewhere. I got one picture of her, and she got one picture of me. And that's about it. But not a day goes by when I don't think about her, or wonder how she's doin', or wish I could see the beautiful young woman she's becoming. And that's how I know how your mom feels about you. Because I've never even met my daughter, but I love her with everything that I am."

"Wow," was all Alexis had to say before she launched herself at the detective.

Beckett was caught off guard, but it didn't take long for her to relax into the teenager's embrace. She ran a hand through Alexis' silky red hair and rested her chin on the warm crown beneath it.

"I'm really sorry, Kate," Alexis mumbled into her shoulder. Beckett smiled, and rubbed the girl's back.

"It's okay, sweetie." She wasn't sure when or why she started using endearments for the girl, but it felt good and natural, and plus, Alexis hadn't said anything. "I know I did the right thing for her, you know? But that doesn't mean that it hurts any less. Even if I didn't want her at first, I let her grow inside of me, and felt her grow. And that builds a connection, whether you want it to or not."

"Like with my mom," Alexis said quietly, pulling back, but resting her head on Beckett's shoulder.

"She didn't want a baby? But I thought-"

"She got pregnant by accident, and Dad wanted her to keep it. He said he'd marry her, and I guess she wanted that then, so she agreed. He tried to keep it from me, but she wasn't ready. That's why she left - that's why she stays away," Alexis said, in wisdom rare for people her age. "She's not mature enough to be a mom. She's like...an aunt, or cousin, or some other semi-close relative that you only see on occasion. Weirdly, though, it works for us. But that doesn't mean I don't miss her."

"I know," Beckett replied, not knowing what else to say.

"Hey, Kate?" Alexis' voice was nervous, again, and Beckett looked down to meet her gaze.

"What's up?"

"Well, I know it's not really the same, and I know this is probably way out of line and-"

"Alexis..."

"Okay, okay, sorry. Anyway, I made all these plans for my mom and me this weekend, and if I cancel them now I can't get back the money, so I was wondering if maybe..." She paused, taking in a deep breath. "If maybe you'd want to take her place?"

She said the last bit in such a rush, dropping her eyes and fiddling with her hands in her lap, that she didn't notice that it was Beckett this time who initiated the hug-tackle.

"Oomph," she said, muffled, as her face was once again buried in the detective's shoulder.

"I would love to, Alexis. It would be an honor." Beckett's face was serious as she stared into Alexis' eyes. Alexis beamed in return.

"Are you sure you want to agree to all this without even knowing what you're agreeing to?"

Beckett frowned, realizing the statement's truth. "Well, tell me?"

Alexis grinned, her eyes lighting up as she began rattling off details and using a ton of terminology that Beckett did not understand. But she smiled, too, and went along with it. Alexis' enthusiasm was contagious, it seemed, and Beckett was soon just as excited about the weekend as she was.

"So, let's get you packed!"

"Whoa, whoa. Packed?" Beckett was confused.

"Well, yeah, if you're going to stay at the hotel with me!" Alexis started into Beckett's bedroom, looking for an overnight bag.

"Hey, what are you doin'?" Beckett called after her.

"Finding you an outfit to wear to brunch," Alexis responded.

"Wait a second!" Beckett rushed into her room to make sure the girl didn't go crazy. But she shouldn't have been worried, as it was Little Castle, and not her father, that she was dealing with.

Alexis had discovered a worn, brown, leather weekender shoved into the bottom of Beckett's armoire. She had already packed a set of red paisley pajamas with purple buttons, a green sports tank, heather-y grey running tights, her blue trainers, and a navy and white zebra-print maxi dress Beckett had just been forced to buy by Lanie. She hadn't even taken off the tags, yet.

"I figured I'd let you do underwear and toiletries. Oh, and socks. I forgot socks. What jewelry and shoes do you want to go with this dress?" Alexis was already rooting through Beckett's jewelry box.

"Hey, now, wait a second-" Beckett tried to protest, yet again, but was cut off by Alexis.

"C'mon, Kate." She began to turn on the puppy eyes. "You need to get away, and I need someone to get away with. You'll be doing me a favor, honestly. And Dad doesn't even have to know!"

"Okay, now, _that_ is where I draw the line!" Beckett found a leg to stand on. "Do you seriously think I'm going to just pretend like Meredith showed up?"

Alexis halted, shifting her weight from foot to foot. "Well, I mean, you don't have to _lie_ about it, exactly...but, like, he'll be mad..."

Beckett refrained from rolling her eyes. "As he should be! She let you down."

"Yeah, but she didn't _mean_ to..."

"Fine, I won't tell him," Beckett sighed.

Alexis lit up. "Really?"

"Really."

"You're the be-"

"You will."

Alexis pouted. "Kaaate," she whined, but Beckett was having none of it.

"Come on, I get enough of that from your father. Now, help me finish packing."

Ten minutes later, they had made sure that Beckett had everything she'd need, and they were ready to leave the apartment. Beckett grabbed her purse and locked her door behind them.

"You have a really nice place, by the way, Kate," Alexis said offhandedly as they waited for the elevator. "I love the whole, like, vintage-y, thrift-store-chic vibe."

Beckett smiled. "Thanks! I'll take you shopping some time. Have you ever been to the Brooklyn flea market?"

"No. I mean, I've heard of it, but Dad's more of a...clean-is-clean person? He's one of those people that will throw something away and replace it if it gets dirty. We've just started using real plates instead of disposable."

"Yeah, I guess I can tell from your house that he's more modern and sleek than, what was it? Thrift-store-chic?" Beckett gave Alexis a playful nudge with her elbow as they stepped into the elevator.

"You know who'd probably love it, though?" Alexis asked.

"Who?"

"Gram. Maybe we could make a girls' day out of it, or something." Alexis paused thoughtfully, and then added, "Only if you want, obviously."

Beckett threw her a look. "Of course I want, silly. I like you, remember?"

She chuckled as Alexis blushed. "Shut up, I can't help it. It's the redhead curse."

They chatted on amiably as they went downstairs and in the cab as they traveled to the hotel.

"Good evening, madams, and welcome to The Surrey," the concierge greeted them as they approached the front desk. His white satin ascot matched his suspenders, and his coke-bottle glasses glinted in the soft light of the lobby. "My name is Geoffrey. How may I assist you this evening?"

"Hi," Alexis started, nervous. "We have a reservation under Alexis Harper?"

At Beckett's confused glance, Alexis whispered, "Dad doesn't like us to use the last name 'Castle', for fear of paparazzi. Don't think he's big-headed - it's happened before."

"I-" That's exactly what she had been thinking, and how she would've razzed Castle if he'd been there. "Sorry," she offered quietly.

Alexis merely smiled as Geoffrey pulled up the reservation. "Yes, a two-bedroom Presidential suite, two nights and two days, for Alexis Harper. And we have the credit card information already, but may I see your identification, please?"

Alexis pulled out her ID wristlet, flashing him her driver's license. He nodded and typed some more information into their system.

"Alright, Miss Harper, your room is all ready for you. Here are your keys," he said, sliding them a small envelope, "which are your all-access pass to get in anywhere in the building, including our rooftop terrace. Now, your reservations for tomorrow are all ready, but did you want me to make you a reservation for dinner tonight?"

Alexis furrowed her brow. "What about the reservation I already made, for seven-thirty?

"Miss Harper," Geoffrey said awkwardly, "it's almost eight. We can only hold tables for fifteen minutes after the reservation time, and then we have to turn them over. I'm very sorry," he apologized. "I'm sure I could get you a table in about twenty minutes?"

Alexis glanced at Beckett, face writ bold with embarrassment. Beckett was about to accept when Alexis' stomach rumbled, loudly. She turned her attention to Geoffrey. "How fast is your room service?"

"We deliver within thirty minutes of ordering."

Beckett glanced back at Alexis. "And what about your restaurant?"

"Well, that depends on when you're seated, the crowd, and what you order."

Beckett felt her own stomach growl in complaint, and she said, "We'll be fine with room service, right?"

Alexis smiled gratefully and nodded.

"Alright, then. Let me get someone to help you with your bags."

As Geoffrey walked away, Beckett started to protest. But Alexis silenced her with a hand on her arm. "Just let him go, Kate. It's their job."

"It's too much," she sighed.

"Bad?" Alexis' face was worried.

Beckett smiled reassuringly. "No, not bad. Maybe it'll be fun!"

She grinned at Alexis' relieved sigh, and followed the bellhop into the elevator. He took them to the seventh floor and followed them into the massive suite, setting their bags down by the door.

"Whoa," Beckett said in astonishment.

"This is nicer than I thought it was going to be," Alexis added.

They looked around the room in silence for a few minutes, taking in the dark hardwood, the airy ceilings, and all the accommodations they could ever hope for. Beckett walked over to the baby grand piano and ran her fingers across the smooth black key cover.

The bellhop cleared his throat, softly. "Would you like me to put the bags in your rooms?"

"No, we can do that," Alexis said, not wanting to make Beckett more uncomfortable than she already was.

"Thank you so much," Beckett said, handing him a crumpled five from her pocket.

After he left, Alexis hissed, "You shouldn't have done that. This is my treat."

Beckett just looked at her. "And that was a treat. Trust me."

Alexis narrowed her eyes, but let it go. "I think your bedroom is over past the kitchen."

"Wait, kitchen?" Kate did a double-take. Alexis smiled widely.

"Yeah. We've got a kitchen, a dining room, a baby grand, and two bedroom suites." She listed, counting on her fingers as she went along. She held back a grin as Beckett's eyes grew wider.

"Wow. Just...wow. And you paid for all this?"

Alexis blushed slightly. "I had a little help from Dad, but yeah. I just...I know Mom has champagne tastes, and I wanted her to have a good time."

Beckett swallowed her bile and her comment that it shouldn't matter _where_ they were, but the fact that they were mother and daughter spending time together. Instead, she replied with, "That's very thoughtful of you, and generous of your dad."

"He's the best, isn't he?" Alexis beamed, waiting for Beckett to concur.

Beckett looked at Alexis, heart melting more each minute. "Yeah, he is." She made a mental note to ease up on him - a little.

"Do you want to put your stuff away first, or order?" Alexis asked, changing the subject.

"Well, why don't we order, and then put our stuff away in the time it takes them to bring the food up? Kill two birds with one stone," Beckett suggested.

"I am kinda hungry," Alexis murmured, rubbing her stomach.

"That was a pretty loud growl, down there," Beckett said with a chuckle. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Uh, breakfast?"

Beckett raised an eyebrow.

"I was nervous all day," Alexis offered timidly.

Beckett softened. "Well, then. We'd better get some food into you, shouldn't we?"

Alexis nodded, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as she ducked her head slightly. Beckett handed her a black leather binder with "ROOM SERVICE" debossed in silver. She selected comfort food - chicken noodle soup, macaroni & cheese, and roasted brussel sprouts with pear slices and bacon. Beckett went the same route, with an indulgent Monte Cristo and Alexis' promise to share her sides.

After ordering, they each went to their rooms to unpack. As Beckett hung up her dress and shoved folded workout gear into the dresser drawers, she realized she'd forgotten to pack her book. But, as she thought about it, she'd rather spend time helping out a girl who needed a mother than wallowing in the fact that she wanted her own. She looked down at herself, and laughed slightly as she realized she was pretty much already in her pajamas. After her soak, she'd thrown on a deep purple sports bra, a loose dark grey jersey t-shirt, and some comfy ribbed olive-colored leggings. She'd shoved her feet into some nude patent leather flats she'd had by the door. She toed them off then to kick them into her empty duffel. Beckett sank her toes into the plush lambswool rug and stuck the eyelet espadrilles that Alexis had packed into the closet under the hanging dress.

Figuring Alexis wasn't fully unpacked yet, Beckett padded back into the dining room and sat at the glossy black Steinway. She delicately lifted the lid off the keys and danced her fingertips across them. Finding a tune to hum, she began to plink out notes of a song her mother used to sing to her. Humming turned into crooning as Beckett fell more into step with the music, and as she held out the last "dream a little dream of me," she heard soft applause coming from across the room.

"Brava, Detective Beckett. I didn't know you could sing." Alexis said, smiling brightly.

Beckett blushed furiously. "It's nothing, really."

"I'm jealous. Gram and Mom, and even my dad, can sing, but no matter how hard I seem to practice, I can never get better than okay."

Beckett stared at Alexis, detective mode on. She analyzed the way Alexis refused to make direct eye contact, and how she was standing, slouched against the doorjamb. Her blue daisy pajamas were a bit too long, pooling at her feet and making her look far younger than her eighteen years. She was embarrassed, and Beckett thought she might know why. "Come, sit by me," she said gently, beckoning the girl over to the piano bench.

Alexis shuffled over and fluttered onto the corner of the seat. Beckett reached out and drew her closer. "This isn't just about your mom, is it?"

Alexis looked up at Beckett, confused. "What?"

"This mood? What's really up?"

Beckett searched her face, watching the resolve crumble bit by bit. "Why aren't I good enough?"

"Oh, sweetie..."

Similar to their previous scene earlier, Alexis shoved her face into Beckett's shoulder and began to sob. Beckett twirled locks from Alexis' ponytail around her fingers, rubbing her back in mindless circles as she waited for Alexis to cry herself out.

"Dad's right," Alexis mumbled as she finally pulled away. "You do smell like cherries."

Beckett stared. "He told you that?"

Alexis laughed. "What do I know about you that he hasn't told me, aside from what I've learned tonight? Face it, Kate. He's crazy about you."

Beckett's mind went back to the letter from Royce. "Why does everyone think we wanna be together?"

Alexis' eyes flashed. "Why are you so intent on lying to yourself? On lying to him? He's my dad, Kate, and even when he doesn't want me to, I know when something's wrong. Whatever happened or didn't happen between you in LA messed with his head. He's more cautious, now, and sad. He's not acting like my dad." Alexis had started off mad, but talking about Castle acting like he was had made her upset.

"I'm sorry, Alexis. I don't...I can't-"

"Don't say anything to me. Say something to _him_."

Beckett was speechless. Alexis had averted her gaze, and was playing with the fringe on a blanket when the doorbell rang. Beckett was up first to get the door, but Alexis held it open while Beckett directed the woman where they wanted the cart to go.

Alexis beat Beckett to tipping her, and the detective scowled once the maid had thanked them several times and backed out of the room.

"Alexis..."

"Let's eat, I'm starving."

Beckett narrowed her eyes at the teenager, but stopped pressing the issue and lifted the lids off of their many dishes.

They began to eat in silence, both women hungry after their long days. But Beckett soon grew uncomfortable with the way they'd ended their previous conversation.

"It's not that I don't want to...to have _more_," she confessed, finding it frustratingly difficult to get out the words she wanted. "I just...what if he doesn't want me, too?"

Alexis snorted. "Kate. Have you seen his face, when he looks at you? Every time, it's like he's never seen you before. He's mesmerized. He's in love. More in love, I think, than he ever was with Gina. And I don't remember him with my mom, and maybe he talked about her this way too, but the _only_ other person I've heard him talk about the way he talks about you is Kyra Blaine. He used to tell me stories, when I was little, about fair Lady Blaine and her knight, Castle." Alexis smiled at the memory. "But I know that now, if I asked, the only stories he'd make up would be about Detective Alexis and Princess Katherine."

"What about you? Would you..." Beckett paused, cursing her clumsy tongue. "Would you mind?"

Alexis thinned her lips. "I have to be honest, Kate. I wasn't always your number one fan. But I've made my peace with you and my dad. In three years, you've managed to keep him from getting seriously injured or killed, and I think that if he trusts you, then it's safe for me to. Know, though, that this peace is a limited-time offer," she warned. "I don't take kindly to people who yank my dad around. He may keep his emotional distance from most people, but he's also very quick to invite people in when he likes them. And some people take advantage of that - of his fame, his connections."

Beckett opened her mouth to cut in, but Alexis cut her off. "I'm not saying that you've done that. But he's kind of like a puppy, Kate. He's loyal to you, now; as loyal to you as he would be to me or Gram. And if you lead him on much longer...I can and will get vicious."

Beckett was solemn, and (rightly) terrified. "What should I do?"

"Just tell him, Kate. Tell him you love him. Then you can go from there."

Alexis put her fork down and wrapped her arms around Beckett's waist. Beckett leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "You're a smart girl, you know that?"

"Many people have alluded to that, yes," she said with a laugh.

Beckett poked her in the side, smiling at her squeal.

* * *

"Whoa, Lex," Beckett said, as they stumbled back into their suite. "What a workout!"

"I can't believe you'd never done pilates!" Alexis hobbled into the living room and flopped backwards onto the couch. "I love it, and it helps me a ton with fencing."

Beckett laughed. "Oh yeah, I forgot you fenced. Do you do it for school?"

Alexis nodded. "I'm the varsity girls' captain. There are only five of us, though."

"Wow, that's still great! That was really fun. I may have to do it again."

Alexis grinned happily. "I go to classes every Wednesday night and Saturday morning, if you're interested in tagging along, sometime!"

"I may take you up on that," Beckett answered with a smile. Just then, the room phone rang.

"I got it," Alexis said, picking the old-fashioned rotary phone up off its bracket. "Hello?" She frowned, nodding. "Okay...okay. Oh, really? They'd do that? Huh. No, we'd definitely prefer that to nothing! And we don't need to do anything? Awesome, thank you so much! Alright, thank you. Bye," she said, hanging up the phone.

Beckett was confused. "Who was that?"

"Rosa, the woman at the spa. Apparently they're closed for renovations this month, but forgot to tell me when I made my made my reservations. However," Alexis rushed, seeing Beckett's angry look, "they've informed me of a special arrangement they have. They will bring all their equipment up to the room and do the treatments here. Normally, this would cost an extra couple hundred dollars, but they're waiving that since they never told me and there's no other option."

"Wow. Do we need to do anything, like, move furniture?"

Alexis shook her head. "Nope, they're sending a couple guys up ahead to set up the living/dining room area."

"Well, then, let's shower and change, okay?"

"Race you!" Alexis called cheerfully, dashing into her room. Beckett laughed and ran into her own room, not about to lose to a seventeen-year old.

* * *

"My face feels amazing," Beckett gushed. "Thank you so much, Ilene." The woman smiled sweetly and brushed off the compliment with a small bow of the head.

"Mine, too, Sarah! And I smell wonderful," Alexis said with a smile.

"What about me?" Beckett asked, mock-pouting.

Alexis and Beckett were sitting on the couch, again, eating a "mini" lunch of so-called Thanksgiving sandwiches, - turkey and cranberry-orange chutney on seven-grain rolls - whole-grain pizzas with sun-dried tomatoes and soy mozzarella, and spicy gazpacho shooters.

Alexis leaned over and sniffed. "You smell great, too. Like tangerine."

"The renewal has tangerine oils in it," Ilene piped in.

"Is that what my thing was called?" Beckett asked, directed more at Alexis.

Alexis looked away. "It's the jet-lag renewal...I remember I picked it out because I knew my mom would be tired and still on LA time, and it was the same length as the one I wanted. I hope you're not offended."

"Alexis!"

"What?"

Beckett rolled her eyes. "Of course not. You know, it's been almost a week, but I'm still kind of jet-lagged from LA too. It was really thoughtful."

"Okay," she said, with a shy smile. "Thanks."

They finished their lunch with Ilene, Sarah, and the chef leaving halfway through. Their massage therapists, Roger and Michel, had left right after the women had arrived. And as they set their plates in the sink, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Beckett said. Alexis nodded, pumping soap into the sink and adding hot water to soak.

"Hello," one of the women at the door said. "I am Lisa and this is Claire? We are the nail technicians."

"Oh, yes, come on in!"

Lisa and Claire unloaded their equipment, plugging the foot baths in and letting them fill with hot, fragrant water while they set up the rest of their supplies. Claire directed them to pick out colors - Beckett chose a rich plum for her toes, while playing it safe with a French on her fingers, and Alexis picked baby blue for her hands and hot pink for her feet.

They all chatted comfortably as Beckett and Alexis had their nails trimmed, shaped, washed, and polished. Lisa and Claire oohed and aahed over the choices for their polish, and occasionally gave input as Beckett and Alexis dished about boys, girls, school, and work.

Before they all knew it, pampering was over, Lisa and Claire were packing up, and Beckett was slipping each woman a sawbuck before they or Alexis could protest. As they backed out of the suite, tripping over themselves and their carts in thanks, Alexis glared at Beckett.

"I know you can't afford all this."

Beckett's eyes flashed. "Says who?"

"Says your payroll." Alexis' eyes were just as sharp. "Why do you feel so guilty?"

Beckett looked away. "He always pays."

"Kate," Alexis said, voice gentle. "I can only imagine that you hate feeling out of control, or indebted. But the way I see it, I'm indebted to _you__. _I took you away from your carefully-constructed plan of moping and coping, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't even consider the potential consequences of my actions until it was too late. You had already agreed. And here we are anyway."

"You're not indebted to me," Beckett tried to brush off.

"Of course you wouldn't think so," Alexis countered.

Beckett almost bristled at the hint of condescension, but the way she said it with a twinkle in her eye reminded Beckett so much of Castle that she didn't - couldn't.

"It's the same in reverse," she continued. "I'm sure you think you're in my debt, but I strongly disagree."

Beckett considered this. "Truce? No more races to one-up each other?"

Alexis smiled brightly. "Truce, Detective."

They shook on it, and it was talked of no more.

"So, what do you wanna do for dinner, Lex? I'm _starving_," Beckett said, unconsciously echoing Alexis' phrase from the previous night.

"After all of this healthy stuff today, I kind of want to be a pig. You wanna get a pizza from Ray's?"

Beckett patted her stomach greedily. "I think I'm up for more than one slice, tonight!"

Alexis giggled. "Me too! I'm so hungry, I think I could eat a whole one by myself!" Beckett glared at her like she'd just taken away her favorite toy. "Okay, maybe not a whole one..." She conceded.

"What do you like? I'm not picky. Write it down while I dial," Beckett said, quirking a smile to let Alexis know she was just kidding.

* * *

They had managed to eat half, a great feat in the world of Ray's Famous Original pizza. But their bellies were a little over-full, so they just slumped into each other on the couch and sleepily watched the second part of 'You've Got Mail'.

Beckett woke up somewhere around midnight, managing to shake Alexis awake enough for her to hobble into her own bed. Beckett did the same, and was only awakened by the alarm she'd set two days prior to remind her that they had brunch to attend.

In the hubbub of the weekend, Beckett thought as she dressed, it had been easy to forget that there was something so important and gloomy about today. But it hung over her like a damp summer cloud - dank and thick with the sticky stench of misery. On this day of celebrating moms, she no longer had one to celebrate, and was no longer one to be celebrated. She just...was.

But she wasn't, not really. Because Alexis had invited her, to be her...what? Representative? Escort? _Partner_. That word, as it so often did in thinking about her father, filled Beckett with indescribable joy at the thought of Alexis. Alexis: sweet, brilliant Alexis, whose first thought when faced with the predicament of not having a mother this weekend was to go to someone she barely knew but trusted implicitly.

Beckett tied off the woven ropes on her espadrilles, touched up her minimal yet flawless makeup, and went out to wait for Alexis. She didn't have to wait long, though, to see the transformation from squirmy and shy caterpillar to breathtakingly beautiful butterfly.

She had seen the pictures (and video, and written documentation, and a verbal account) of Alexis' proms, but never in person had she witnessed the timid and sometimes awkward teenager become this stunning young woman. Alexis was dressed in a black cap sleeve dress with a pleated skirt that came to the tops of her knees. It was covered with an allover print of orange, red, and ivory butterflies, and Alexis had paired it with a skinny black belt and ivory silk pumps. Her hair was curled slightly, and a lock was pulled back with a black butterfly clip.

"Alexis...you look beautiful," Beckett whispered, staring somewhat slack-jawed at the teenager.

She blushed, looking at her shoes. "Thanks, Kate." Turning back, she said, "You don't look half bad yourself."

Beckett grinned at the compliment. "You ready, then?"

Alexis nodded, grabbing her red coat off the back of the chair she'd laid it on. Beckett pulled her purse and herself up off the couch and they headed out.

"So, how are we getting a table? I've heard it's always packed for brunch." Beckett asked quietly, after they'd slid into the back of the cab.

"Oh, I made a reservation."

"But you can't! I've tried, they don't take them!"

"Apparently, you can when your dad's Richard Castle. And has a pretty good personal assistant," Alexis said with a wink.

"Personal assistant?" Beckett asked, shocked.

"Yeah, me!"

Beckett giggled. "Sneaky, sneaky."

"Dad's likened me to a fox, before. And a raccoon. Which Gram hit him for."

Beckett grinned. "Nah, I think you're sneaky, but you're not _that_ sneaky. I'd say you're more like a butterfly."

"How so? It's the dress, isn't it," she asked dryly.

"No," Beckett countered with a laugh. "You've just...grown so much, since the first time I saw you. Back then, you would do homework at parties and take everything incredibly seriously. Now, you're still that mature and responsible girl, but you also know when to have fun and let yourself go a little bit. You've had your...metamorphosis, as it were."

"Wow. You should tell that to Dad," Alexis said, stunned. When Beckett laughed uncomfortably, she said, "No, I'm serious! He can't see that at all. But thank you, really. That means a lot."

They sat in comfortable silence as they rode the rest of the way to the restaurant. When they'd almost reached it, Alexis pointed out that two of her friends and their moms were standing outside, waiting.

"So the woman on the far right, in the blue dress? That's Paige's mom, Margie. Paige is the girl standing next to her, and then there's Kelsey, the blonde, and her mom, Christina. I guess Taylor and Susan aren't here yet."

Alexis let Beckett swipe her credit card in the backseat, and they slid out onto the sidewalk.

"Kelsey! Paige!" Alexis squealed. The two girls ran over to her to give her hugs. But then Alexis remembered herself and pulled back to introduce Beckett to the moms. "Margie, Christina, this is my dad's partner, Detective Kate Beckett."

"We've heard quite a bit about you, from Rick," Margie said. The warmth in her hands and her dark brown eyes made Beckett feel comfortable right away.

"And of course we read that article about you in _Cosmo_," Christina said with a laugh, also reaching out to shake her hand. Her blonde hair sparkled in the sunlight.

Beckett smiled softly at Alexis talking to her friends. "Well, it's very nice to meet you. I know Alexis thinks very highly of your daughters."

"We think very highly of her!" Christina said. Then she shared a look with Margie, who spoke up.

"Now, not to be rude or anything, but where's Alexis' mom? I thought she was going to be in town this weekend."

Beckett flushed angrily. "Meredith...decided she had better things to do. She's still in LA, on an audition."

Both women gave sympathetic moans. "How did you end up chaperoning?" Christina asked.

"Alexis came to me Friday night and asked me to step in. I think I needed it more than she did, honestly," Beckett said. She was being pretty open with these women, which was different for her, but she felt good about them.

"Why's that?" Margie asked.

Beckett stopped for a second, unsure how to phrase it. "I...I lost my mom, twelve years ago. And she was my mom, you know? So Mother's Day is pretty hard." She left out the part about her daughter, like she usually did.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Kate." Both women patted her shoulders in support.

"You know, Susan, Taylor's mom, lost her mother to cancer about five years ago. How did you lose yours?"

When Beckett winced, Margie whacked Christina's arm. "Christie," she hissed.

"No, I...it's okay. She was murdered."

Beckett swallowed hard, seeing the looks of shock on their faces, and the topic was dropped. But the new subject was even harder for Beckett.

"So, if you're here, does that mean you and Rick are an 'item' now?" Christina asked, using air quotes.

"Oh, no! No, we're just friends."

"I'd like to be 'just friends' with him," Margie said with a nudge.

"Stop it, Marge, you're embarrassing her!" Christina said, noticing Beckett's blush.

"Sorry we're late, ladies!" A woman that could only be Susan yelled as she and Taylor bustled up the sidewalk. Though Susan had much darker skin and eyes than her daughter, they were nearly carbon copies. Both had straight weaves, though Susan's was cropped much shorter than Taylor's, and they were the same height with almost identical faces. Taylor's mocha skin and jade-green eyes were the only things to differentiate them at first glance.

"Susan, Taylor, this is Kate Beckett," Alexis greeted, heading off any confusion.

"As in Nikki Heat? I _love_ her!" Susan gushed.

"Mom, stop," Taylor whispered, embarrassed. But she went over to her friends, and Susan came over to join the women.

* * *

"Brunch was great, Lex," Beckett said, leaning back in the seat of the cab as they rode back to the hotel.

"Had you eaten there before?"

"Nope, but I've wanted to."

"Yeah, it's really good. And I'm so glad you liked the coffee cake! Most people are too grossed out to try it, except Dad."

"Well, it was marvelous, as this weekend has been. Thank you for inviting me," Beckett said sincerely.

"Of course. You know, I've had a really good time getting to know you. And now I even know things that Dad doesn't know!"

"Gonna tell him?" Beckett's voice wavered slightly.

Alexis shook her head. "Gonna tease him."

Beckett bumped her shoulder. "Thatta girl!"

Just then, her cell rang. She squinted at the unfamiliar number and slid to answer. "Beckett? Yeah, I'm Apartment 17. Flowers? No, I'm not home. Can you leave them? I can get there in twenty minutes. Okay, thanks. Bye."

"Someone send you flowers?" Alexis asked.

"Apparently. The guy said he'd leave them at the door."

"Probably from Dad," Alexis speculated.

"Why?"

Alexis raised an eyebrow. "Because it's Mother's Day. And he knows about your mother."

Beckett turned to the driver. "Excuse me, but can you go to 205 North 9th, please?"

"In Brooklyn?" The driver scoffed. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, please," Beckett grumbled, annoyed with the attitude. Then she backpedaled. "Wait, that's okay with you, right?" She asked Alexis.

"Of course."

When they got to Beckett's building, she asked the cabbie if he'd wait. He grunted a no, so Beckett tossed some bills at him through the window and he sped off.

"That was rude," Alexis said.

"That's cab drivers for you."

They rode up to Beckett's place to discover a large metal vase sitting in front of the door, next to a large canvas duffel bag. The urn-like vase was beautifully engraved with nearly 3D birds, flowers, and Moroccan-inspired arches, and it was overflowing with purple blooms. Some Beckett could identify; the fragrant lilac, boisterous snapdragons, delicate roses, iris, and freesia. But there were others she could not name, and she was a bit stunned at the sheer quantity and variety therein. Also, purple was her favorite color, and she was a bit surprised that this arrangement happened to be designed that way, since it was too rich for Lanie's budget and she was the only person in the city privy to that detail.

Beckett rattled her pocket before digging out her keys and jamming them into the lock. "Hey, Lex, can you grab that duffel? Let's take this stuff inside before someone complains." She grabbed the urn under one arm and opened the door with her other.

Alexis nodded and, grunting slightly, hoisted the bag up over her shoulder and brought it inside the apartment.

"I'm sorry, is it heavy?" Beckett asked in concern.

Alexis shook her head and furrowed her brow. "Oddly, no. I thought it would be." Then her eyes lit up and she grinned. "Okay, read the card!"

Beckett smiled faintly and hunted for the plastic pick with paper attached. She found it and attacked the envelope flap with her thumbnail, releasing the note inside. "Dear Kate," Beckett paused, drinking in the familiar slanted scrawl. "I hope these flowers find you in relatively good spirits. If not, however, no one blames you for having troubles, especially today. I heard through the grapevine that you are a fan of this particular hue, so I hope you enjoy these buds and allow them to brighten up your home. I also heard from a little bird that you and your mother used to enjoy making these at Christmas, so I've sent along materials for you to make her one. Ever at your service, Rick."

Alexis wiggled her eyebrows and said, "Told you they were from him!"

"At Christmas..." Beckett whispered, looking to the duffel. "Lex, would you mind opening the bag for me?"

Alexis nodded and unzipped it. "There are dozens of flowers in here! Marigolds, mums, and roses. And...a packet of needles, and a huge spool of thick thread?"

"Garlands. Dad must've told him we used to make garlands..." Beckett was still caught up in a memory.

"I want to help," Alexis said, jerking Beckett from her reverie.

"Really?"

Alexis nodded. "It obviously means a lot to you, and you've been doing stuff for me all weekend. Now, it's my turn." Alexis stuck her nose back in the bag. "They smell great!" She said enthusiastically. "And, look," she giggled, pulling out a handful of stems. "They match my dress!"

Beckett read over the enclosed instructions to refresh her memory, and then quickly gave Alexis a crash course in garland-making. They threaded their needles with very long strands of reinforced thread, and plunged the tips of the needles down through the flowers. There were small to medium roses in various shades of pink, red, orange, and yellow; marigolds in golden and tangerine hues; and chrysanthemums whose petals were deep burgundy on the outside, but butter yellow on the inside.

"My mom loved sunsets, you know. When we'd go on vacation, especially in the summer, she'd drag us out onto the hotel balcony and make us watch them with her. She used to make up stories, when I was little, about fairies who lived up in the clouds and painted the sky in the morning and at night. She thought they were the best part of the day."

"So few things are truly beautiful, I guess," Alexis said, smiling at Beckett's fond remembrance.

They'd made several long chains of flowers when they ran out of flowers to thread, so Beckett suggested they pack them up and take them to her mother.

"Would you...mind, if I came along?" Alexis asked quietly.

"Of course not! You were a big help. And, frankly, I know she'd like to meet you," Beckett said, wrapping an arm tightly around Alexis' shoulders.

They found a new cab and rode back into the city proper, up to the West 80s where Beckett's family had gone to church when she was growing up.

"She's out back," Beckett said, voice stiff with withheld emotion.

Alexis followed her silently, weaving around the back gates into the large green cemetery. Most of the headstones were just placards in the ground, so the view was relatively unobstructed. Beckett led Alexis to a plot under a cherry tree, where yellowy-pink petals obscured the soapstone plate almost entirely. Beckett crouched down and gingerly brushed them off, revealing:

**JOHANNA ****HEIDI ****PETERSEN****  
10/06/53-01/09/99  
**_**Mother**__**, **__**Wife**__**, **__**Friend**__**, **__**Heroine**_

She then leaned back on her heels and sank to the ground, pulling her legs into a criss-cross position. "Lex, come sit," she directed, patting a patch of grass next to her. Alexis did as told, gently putting the bag down and then dropping to sit next to Beckett with her legs tucked off to the side.

"Alexis Castle, this is my mom. Mom, this is Alexis. Um, Castle's daughter."

"Hi," Alexis said awkwardly, not sure at all what to do.

"We brought you some garlands, Mom. Alexis helped me make them. You'd really like her," Beckett said, smiling warmly at the girl next to her. "She's brilliant, and kind, and she's a great kid. Never gets into any trouble, so not me," she finished with a laugh.

Beckett talked to her mom for a little bit, telling her stories about Castle, Lanie, the boys, and the characters Alexis' friends have as moms. Alexis helped, and they were cracking up as they relived some of the details. Then they put up the garlands, hanging makeshift swags off of the branches of the cherry tree and coiling some around Johanna's headstone.

By the time they finished, it was late afternoon, and Castle called Alexis to let her know he'd be home for dinner, if she wanted him to get something. She asked for Chinese, so he told her to text him her order in about an hour, and they hung up.

Impulsively, as she and Beckett walked up the street to see her old building, Alexis asked, "Do you wanna come over for dinner?"

'No' was the word on the tip of her tongue, but as Beckett considered her otherwise uneventful evening of pouring some wine, turning on some music, and eating whatever she could scrounge from her fridge, a strong and nauseating feeling of emptiness settled in her stomach. "That would be really nice, Alexis. Thank you."

Alexis grinned and hugged her tightly. It took Beckett a few moments of warmth to realize she was hugging Alexis back.

* * *

"Lucy, I'm ho-ome," Castle called out as he entered his apartment, arms laden with plastic smiley face bags of steaming food and a leather suitcase he'd taken for the weekend.

Alexis bolted downstairs to relieve her father of his bags and wrap her arms around him. "I missed you, Daddy," she said into his chest.

"I missed you too, Pumpkin," he answered, kissing her hair. "Now, who is this mysterious guest who likes moo shoo chicken and dumplings?"

"Lex, my hair tie broke. Do you have another?" Both Castles turned at the sound of Beckett's voice, traveling down the staircase with her as she pulled her damp towel more tightly around her. "Oh!" She yelled in shock. "Castle!"

"Detective...Beckett," Castle choked out. "What a...pleasant surprise."

If Beckett hadn't been so mortified, she would have laughed at the pre-pubescent squeaks coming out of her partner's mouth. Instead, her face flushed bright pink and she turned tail and fled back upstairs.

"Surprise!" Alexis said lamely. Turning to her dad, she hit him lightly in the chest and warned, "If you tease her about this, I swear..."

"Scout's honor," he said quickly, holding up three fingers.

"You were never a scout." Alexis raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, okay...I swear on laser tag and lightsabers. I won't tease her."

"You'd better not." Alexis narrowed her eyes once more and then chased after Beckett.

After dinner, Castle and Beckett had relaxed enough that she accepted his and Alexis' offer of a movie. When Beckett went to the bathroom, Castle joked, "You know, when you said our guest was a mystery, I honestly thought your mom had missed her flight and needed a free meal."

Alexis squirmed. "Actually, Dad, that's why Beckett's here. She, um...kind of took Mom's place this weekend."

"She what?"

"Well, Mom never exactly showed up..."

"She _what_?"

"Who what?" Beckett asked, walking back into the study.

"You spent the weekend with my daughter?" Castle's voice wasn't angry, but Beckett couldn't tell what it was.

"Um, yeah?"

"Because you asked her to?" He asked, turning back to Alexis.

"Yes?"

"And everyone was okay with this?"

"Yes!" Alexis and Beckett yelled.

"Okay, okay. Just making sure."

"You're not mad?" Beckett asked quietly.

Castle guffawed. "At you? Of course not. At my ex-wife..."

Beckett huffed. "Trust me, I am too."

"Well, on behalf of both of us, I want to thank you for taking the time to spend with Alexis. It was very gen-"

"Hold it right there, Castle." Alexis giggled softly. "You too, missy." She stopped and looked up. Beckett continued. "The both of you have got to understand something: I don't do things unless I want to. And if I hadn't wanted to spend the weekend with Alexis, I would have said as much. But I didn't, and we had a wonderful time, and I would do it again in a second! Now, I want this to be the end of the discussion and the completely unnecessary thanks, got it?"

"Got it," the Castles murmured, thoroughly cowed.

"Great." Beckett smiled brightly and clapped once. "Let's watch a movie!"


	3. Prevaricate

okay, so this chapter is kind of short/rushed. and that sucks, and i'm not super pleased with the way this turned out. but i realized, as i was staring at my google doc for the fourth consecutive hour without writing anything, that i had much better things coming, and i would be able to let myself get to them if i kind of let this chapter go. so, here it is.

playlist (sorry for the vaguely-hipster overload):

1. happy birthday - sufjan stevens  
2. river (acoustic) - LIGHTS  
3. miss you - foster the people  
4. kids - MGMT  
5. the damage in your heart - weezer

if i haven't made it clear enough already, i love you all for reading. bless your little hearts :3

p.s. i didn't use any of the phobia words for friday the thirteenth for this chapter title a) because even i'm not that mean and 2) there weren't any that fit properly. but charlie's fifteenth did/does fall on a friday the thirteenth! whoo hoo! funny how those things work out...

p.p.s. i am so sorry for the delay, but i've been sick - i could barely remember what day it is, much less that i update this fic on wednesdays!

p.p.p.s. as always, nothing that you recognize belongs to me.

* * *

**prevaricate** /priˈvariˌkāt/ _v__._ 1) to speak or act in an evasive or false way; to _lie_.

* * *

Charlie rolled over, blinking at the clock. She glanced over at the makeshift calendar, back to the clock, then back to the calendar.

"Happy birthday to me," she whispered, without much joy. She sat up and rubbed the remnants of sleep from her eyes. Leaning over, she pulled her backpack up onto her lap, and rummaged around to find her wallet.

Wallet was a pretty generous term, because Charlie had made it a few years before from duct tape, and it was getting tattered and ratty from use. But she flipped it open and thumbed through the contents. She had about twenty bucks in cash, enough to refill her subway card and maybe buy herself a little something.

For the past two weeks, she'd been going to the precinct and trying to make herself useful - refilling coffees, going on food runs, copying and filing - but she felt awkward and out of place. And without the courage to confront Beckett, and without Beckett having the knowledge to confront her, Charlie didn't know what the point of sticking around was.

But she did have one sort-of related thing she wanted to do. And her birthday seemed as good a time as any to do it.

She got dressed, grabbed her bag, and went into the hallway where the payphone was. Thumping down the phonebook and trailing her finger down page after page, she finally found what she was looking for. She carefully ripped out the address, folded it once, and stowed it in her jacket pocket. Then she walked down the hall, into the vestibule, and out the doors.

* * *

It took Charlie almost an hour to get to the morgue. She was tired and kind of hungry, but she was determined to complete her goal.

Security was oddly lax, and Charlie made it down to Dr. Parrish's office with minimal interactions. And then, she just stood outside, unsure what to do. She was about to knock quietly on the doorjamb when the doors swung open. Charlie squeaked softly and jumped back to avoid getting whacked.

"Oh!" Lanie cried. "Hello! Can I help you?"

"I, um..."

"Don't I know you?" Lanie asked, peering into Charlie's face. "You're the girl from Detective Beckett's cases, aren't you?"

Charlie nodded mutely.

Lanie smiled. "Well, what can I do for you?"

"I...can I see...I just, I didn't get to say goodbye to Lucy, and...it's my birthday, and..."

Lanie's face was hard to read, and Charlie's heart stopped. Then the ME gave a soft grin and tilted her head towards the door. "She's on the first table. You've got five minutes, okay?"

Charlie beamed. "Thank you!" She darted through the double doors as Lanie shook her head with a sad smile.

Charlie skidded to a stop as she came face to face with her best friend, lying cold and naked on the slab. With the sheet draped over her y-incision, Charlie could almost pretend like Lucy was sleeping, but she knew that this is not what Lucy looked like asleep. Her features were too stiff and sad.

"It's my birthday," Charlie whispered. "I wish you were here, Lou."

She gazed mournfully at Lucy's body, and stroked her hair back with one hand. Then she reached over to the tray of tools and pulled out a scalpel. Gripping it like a pencil in her right hand, she slowly put the tip to the pad of her left pointer finger and pressed down until she felt the prick. A pool of blood welled on the index, and she gently smeared it on the corner of Lucy's mouth. Then she bit down on the digit, hard, until she got to the far wall of the room to pull down a paper towel and press it against the wound.

She shoved her injured hand in her pocket so Lanie wouldn't see, and exited the lab.

"Thank you so much, Dr. Parrish," she began softly. Her hand fisted around the paper towel, and crumpled the thin yellow sheet with the morgue's address into a ball.

"You're welcome, honey," Lanie replied.

"Did you swab her mouth for blood? I noticed a kind of reddish substance on the corner of her mouth when I was in there." Charlie said, with an air of nonchalance.

Lanie furrowed her brow. "Yes, I did, but I'll check again. Thank you."

"No, thank you." Charlie turned to leave, but then turned back. "See you around," she said, a hint of question in her voice.

"See you," Lanie agreed.

Charlie slumped her shoulders and stuffed her other hand in its pocket. As she shuffled out, Lanie stared after her curiously.

Charlie walked up out of the morgue and down the street, needing some fresh air before she got back on a bus crammed with people. She went inside a Duane Reade to get some Band-Aids for her finger, which was still bleeding, and then she sat on a bench and people-watched.

She soon became interested in a couple strolling down the opposite side of the street. They appeared to be feeding each other bites of something, and upon closer inspection, both had smears of frosting on their noses. Charlie scanned the shops, looking for an establishment that might sell what she sought, and landed on a light blue awning that said Magnolia Bakery.

She made her way down and across the street until she reached the shop. Her eyes lit up at the sheer quantity of pastries decorating the windows, and she almost got knocked over by a family exiting the store. The father, though, held the door open for her, and she nodded gratefully as she slipped under his arm.

There was a rather long line, so Charlie looked into the case, picking out which cupcake she wanted while she waited. She smiled slightly as she saw a row of chocolate cupcakes adorned with little plastic balloons, and decided she wanted one of those.

"For here or to go?" The woman at the register asked her.

"To go, please," Charlie replied.

The woman nodded and said something to one of her co-workers, who went to the case to get the cupcake. "Your total is six dollars and fifty-eight cents."

Charlie handed her a five and two singles, and put her change in the tip jar. She hated change, because it made so much noise. The woman handed her the receipt and her box and said, "Have a nice day!"

"You, too." Charlie smiled and left, holding the door for a woman and her son.

* * *

"This blood is fresh," Lanie muttered to herself. "But if she wanted it tested, then..." She sighed as she dialed the number, annoyed with having to stoop so low. "Castle? It's Lanie. Yeah, hi. Anyway, I kind of...need a favor." Lanie rolled her eyes before asking, "What do you want for it?" She paused, and looked surprised.

"Really? From the way Kate made it sound...ah, never mind. So what do I do? And they'll know what to do? Okay, Castle. How long, do you th-really? That quick? Hey - thanks. Okay. Buh-bye."

Lanie swabbed Lucy's mouth and stuck the q-tip in a sterilized vial. She marked up a plastic bag, slipped the tube inside, sealed it, and put it in the 'out' crate for the lab.

"Now, we wait." She said to herself.

Lanie waited anxiously for the results. She tried to distract herself with emails, other lab work, even some stupid game she downloaded on her phone with a candy-eating monster, but the few hours that Castle had estimated seemed like years. She bounced her foot on the bar of her stool, and then violently pushed back from her desk so she could pace.

By the time the lab tech came in with a manila folder with brads folded out on the cover, Dr. Parrish was frustratedly swiping her screen, trying to keep the stupid spider from creeping down the rope and eating the lollipop thing.

"Dr. Parrish?" He asked nervously.

"C'mon!" Lanie yelled in exasperation, and then looked up somewhat sheepishly. "Are those the lab results Mr. Castle requested?"

"Yes, Doctor," he answered respectfully.

She smiled kindly up at him. "Thank you so much."

He nodded and turned around to make his exit. Lanie flipped the folder open and scanned the pages. Her eyes widened, and her eyebrows scrunched together. She went back to the front page, and spent a solid ten minutes reading and re-reading each word.

"That can't be right, unless..." Lanie muttered. "Kate would've told me." She looked back down at the papers. "There can't be a mistake, right? No, there can't," she assured herself. Taking a deep breath, she picked up her phone and scrolled through her favorites until she reached the right name.

"Katie? Hey, it's me. Are you busy?" She paused to laugh nervously. "No, honey, I don't want to go out tonight. Well, actually...or, um, never mind. Anyway, the reason I'm calling is because there are some test results I'd like to discuss with you. Um, pretty urgent. That's perfect, I'll see you then."

As she had about a half an hour to kill, Lanie decided to get back to that damned spider. "I'll get you, my pretty," she cackled quietly.

* * *

"Hey Lanie!" Beckett walked into the morgue and greeted her friend with a tinge of worry in her voice. "Why'd you call me down here? You said it was urgent?"

"It is." Lanie set her phone down, took a deep breath, and looked her friend in the eye. "It's about...well, honey, you might want to sit down."

"Why, Lanie? What's wrong?" Beckett furrowed her brow. She found no trace of humor in the other woman's eyes, normally so full of pithy sparkle.

"Kate, do you have any younger cousins, or younger siblings you didn't know about? Half-siblings, maybe?"

"Why, Lanie?" Beckett's voice was hard.

"I had a strange visitor today, Kate." Lanie answered, not sure how to say what she needed to. "That girl, Charlie, who you've been working with?"

Beckett nodded so Lanie knew she understood. "Yeah?" She asked.

"She came to see me, and...when she left, there was a new blood sample in my lab. So I sent it off to be analyzed, and the results came back."

"Yeah?" Beckett was getting agitated.

"Did you know that today is Charlie's birthday?"

Beckett started towards Lanie, a harsh retort on the tip of her tongue. Then she paled and dropped onto a stool.

"What, Katie? Tell me."

"My...you're saying that she's...that _Charlie_ is my..."

"Your what, Beckett? Kate, talk to me. Complete sentences."

Beckett looked up, face frozen in an expression that was a cross between scared and humiliated. "My daughter. Charlie's my...daughter."

Lanie pressed her lips together into a thin, plum line. "I thought she might be. Kate, why didn't you ever _say_ anything? I'm your best friend!"

Beckett stood up, fire in her eyes. "I know that, Lanie! I don't talk about her, ever! It's hard enough having to think about her all the time, wonder what she looks like or how she's doing in school or what her family's like. Where have they been on vacation? What does her bedroom look like? How many boys has she kissed? Does she like dogs or cats? Jesus, Lanie, I can barely spend time with Rick and Alexis without wanting to cry or scream or...I don't know what." She deflated. "It's so _hard_. I'm tired of hard. I just want something to be easy, for once."

Lanie didn't say anything, just walked over to Beckett and wrapped her arms around her friend. Beckett slumped into the hug and held on tight. No tears, just closeness. That was all she needed.

"So, when are you gonna tell Charlie?" Lanie asked, once Beckett pulled back.

Beckett's eyes flew wide and scared. "Never!"

Lanie put her hands on her hips. "Katherine Alice Beckett, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard you say!"

Beckett looked away. "Don't call me that," she whined weakly.

"I will address you like a child when you act like one! Damn, girl, don't you think she deserves to know the truth? She's been living in a homeless shelter, for pete's sake! Where are her parents?"

"I can't be her mother, Lanie," Beckett whispered.

Lanie softened, and bent her knees so she could look her friend in the eye. "I think you can, but that's really beside the point right now. Don't you think you owe it to her to be there for her when she just needs _somebody_?"

"I think she already knows it's me," Kate said. "She did come here, and leave you that clue..."

Lanie stood and leaned back on a table. "Good point."

"And if she did know...she would've said something if she wanted me to know!"

"Would she? Katie, maybe she's just as scared as you are. She's in a big city with no one she knows-"

"Or maybe she blames me," Beckett said. "For whatever happened in her life to have her end up here. Maybe she hates me. I'd hate me too."

"Oh, Katie..."

"I can't tell her yet, Lanie. I'm not...brave enough."

Lanie appraised her carefully, and then sighed. There was nothing more she could say or do. "Okay, Beckett."

Beckett looked up at her. "Are you mad at me?" Her voice was soft and meek, like a child's.

Lanie sighed again. "No, honey, I'm not mad."

"Well, I'm gonna go back to the precinct." Beckett stood up quickly and walked out of the morgue.

Lanie put her head in her hands. "That did _not_ go as planned."

* * *

When Beckett got back to the 12th, she was jittery and irritable. Castle noticed something was wrong the minute she stepped out of the elevator, but didn't know what could've set her off.

"How was Lanie?" He asked pleasantly.

"Don't ask," she growled.

"More coffee?" He offered.

"No, thanks," was her terse reply.

"Do you need me here, or..."

"No, Castle, you can go," she bit out.

If Beckett had turned around at all, she would've seen Castle's face fall more with each exchange. But as it was, she just stared at her desk as he walked slowly towards the elevator.

"Castle! Wait," she yelled, her voice thick with apology. "Sorry, I just..." She made a split-second decision. "Can we go in one of the conference rooms? I...need to tell you something."

"Sure, Beckett," he said softly.

He followed her down the hall a bit to a door on their right. They closed the blinds on the windows so they couldn't be seen, and Castle flipped on the lights so that they could see each other.

"So, um...what's up?" He asked.

Beckett stared at him so intensely that all curiosity was drained from his body and was replaced with anxiety.

"Kate?"

"Rick. Sit."

Castle pulled up a seat and waited patiently for his partner to explain herself.

"When I went down to the morgue, Lanie told me something really...interesting. Something that helps a lot with figuring out who Charlie really is."

"That's great, Beckett! That's good news! Right?"

"Well, yes. But I don't think you'll like what she found. I don't know if _I_ like what she found. I mean, it isn't bad, but it's also-"

"Kate. What did Lanie tell you?"

Beckett flushed slightly. "Right. Um, well, it's easier if I just show you." She began to tug off her jacket. Castle quickly stood to help her out. Once she had freed her right arm, he sat down to let her do it herself. She laid the coat on the table and began untucking her blouse from her pants.

Castle tried his hardest to remain expressionless, but it was (understandably) difficult to keep an impassive face when the love of his life was basically undressing for him.

Beckett slowly rolled up the creamy chiffon and exposed her midriff, then the navy band of her bra. She then ducked her head and slid the top off entirely.

Castle was breathtaken. He'd admittedly imagined Beckett topless many a time, but it was always with her face superimposed on top of some tall, slender model in a porno or lingerie catalogue he'd thieved from Alexis' room (the catalogue, not the porn). He couldn't have possibly imagined the glory of Beckett's practically bare torso at all, much less in person and in his face.

But that was not the point. Beckett turned her back to Castle, lowering the bra strap on her left shoulder a bit.

"You're showing me your tattoo? Now? Not that I'm not excited, but-"

"Read it."

"_05/13/96_...what does that...I mean, that's today, but...fifteen years ago? You were what, in high school? So...I guess that date has significance, right, or you wouldn't have had it tattooed on your body...but, what does this have to do with Charlie?"

As he said all this, Beckett's shoulders began to shake, and she put her face in her hands.

"Kate?"

"I...have a...when I was sixteen, I had a..."

Castle's lips thinned nervously while she paused.

"Daughter."

Beckett hastily restored her strap and top, haphazardly stuffing the delicate fabric back into her waistband.

"So Charlie is your..."

"Yes."

Castle grabbed Beckett's wrist. "I don't care, you know."

"What does that mean, Castle?" Beckett still refused to make eye contact.

"It doesn't change anything between us, if that's what you're so scared of."

"It changes _everything_, Castle."

"No, it doesn't."

"How can it not?" She asked, almost hysterical. "That girl, that fifteen-year old girl, is my daughter. She's wrapped up in the middle of not one, but _two_ murders - she lives in a homeless shelter! She is _homeless_! And here I am, and I can't even tell her that I gave birth to her?"

"Why can't you, Kate?" He asked gently.

"Because she knew! She's known this whole time, and she didn't tell me! What if she hates me, for inadvertently putting her through all of this?"

"What if she's scared, too?"

Kate sat heavily on one of the couches. "That's what Lanie said."

"She's a smart lady. And Beckett...you don't have to tell her right away, if you don't want to. But I think you should."

Beckett sat quietly for a few minutes. "Okay." She said.

"Okay?"

"Okay. But not today."

Castle nodded. "Not today."

* * *

Charlie sat up in bed, cold beads of sweat dampening her forehead and upper lip. She looked at her alarm clock, and the big red numbers told her that it was only 3:30 on Monday morning. She'd only fallen asleep at 2.

It had all started on Friday afternoon, after she'd gone to the morgue. She went back to people-watching after she'd gotten her cupcake. At first, everything was fine. Skipping kids, an elderly couple walking arm in arm, some douchebag talking as loudly as possible on his Bluetooth. Then, Charlie caught a glimpse of blonde hair.

She stood up quickly, not wanting to lose sight of her. Charlie followed the woman around the corner and down the street. She picked up the pace, because her target was about a block and a half ahead of her. Breaking into a slow jog, Charlie gained on the woman for a minute or two until she was almost right alongside her. And then the woman turned. Her eyes were brown instead of blue, and her nose was all wrong. Charlie's lungs constricted as she remembered that Aggie was dead.

She decided to walk back to the Bowery to give herself time to collect her thoughts, but the damage was done. Every person she passed, it seemed, was a reminder of those she'd lost. In Midtown, there was a beautiful teenager with caramel skin and anime eyes. Charlie's heart panged at the memory of Lucy. A family with twin boys and a baby girl made Charlie cry at the thought of her own family. When she finally got back to the mission, she was so worn out that she went right to sleep. But her sleep was not peaceful, and she was plagued by nightmares of Lucy and Aggie being murdered, her father and brothers being crushed to death, and herself being raped and beaten countless times. She tossed and turned, and when she finally woke for good, she was even more exhausted than she had been the day before. Charlie decided to get some food to maybe make her feel a little less sick, but realized that she only had a few bucks left in her wallet, due to the purchases she'd made yesterday. So McDonald's it would be.

She was almost finished with her Happy Meal when she spotted him. Big, tall, mustached, and tiny black beads for eyes. She couldn't be sure that it was him, as she saw him from the side and at a distance, but she also couldn't take a chance. Moving quickly so he wouldn't spot her, she dashed to the women's bathroom in the back of the restaurant. Locking herself in the first empty stall, she squatted on the toilet seat and hugged herself. Her stomach churned and her head spun, and she leapt off the seat to bury her head in the bowl, puking up everything she'd consumed in the past 48 hours.

When she was drained, she slumped against the back of the door and tried to breathe. She was shaking and crying and still heaving a little, and her heart was pounding a mile a minute. She didn't know how long she'd been in there when someone knocked on the door and asked, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said faintly. "Thanks."

"Okay," was the unsure response.

When Charlie heard the door squelch shut, she pulled herself up like a baby and tried to balance on unsteady legs. She flushed the toilet twice, trying to make sure that as much of her mess was gone as possible. Then she walked out of the stall and to the sinks, rinsing her mouth several times to get the acidic taste out.

Cautiously, she left the bathroom. She peered around the edge of the little recess where the bathrooms were, and didn't see anyone that remotely resembled Brian Wright. But just to be safe, she flipped up her hood and pulled the drawstrings to obscure her face a little.

As she walked back to the mission, she thought of grabbing a sleeping pill from the medicine cabinet and just sleeping it off. She couldn't wait to be alone. But when she got back to her room, it was a mess.

"What the hell?" Charlie exclaimed automatically.

A head appeared, with a reproachful look on its face. "That's not very nice language." The head was attached to a body, and it stood. It was a girl, about Charlie's age. "Hi, I'm Marie. Marie Duggan. You must be Charlie."

Charlie stood, speechless, for a minute. "Yeah," she answered. Then she turned on her heel and walked back out of the room.

Rage was boiling inside of her. How dare this person come in and claim a space barely cold from when someone else occupied it? How dare the shelter allow this girl to rifle through Lucy's things as if they belonged to her? How dare they not ask her permission for this, much less inform her of it? Charlie was pissed. She stalked around to the back of the building and began screaming. She punched the brick, she kicked the gravel, and she spun around looking for anything to take her anger out on.

She thought maybe someone would come outside, see what all the noise was about. Maybe they'd even ask her if she was okay, or tell her to shut up. But no one came. Finally she tired, and collapsed on the patch of grass in the corner of the lot. Her knuckles were bloody and full of debris, and her toes hurt like hell. She bent her knees up to her chest and just cried.

She waited outside until lights out, then snuck back in the window like she'd done a thousand times. With Lucy. Lucy had always made everything seem like a grand adventure, even if it was as mundane as grocery shopping for the soup kitchen, or pitiful as rooting through garbage for something usable.

"It's after lights out," the girl in the next bed said, a hint of nervousness in her voice. Marie, she'd said her name was.

"I know," Charlie answered tersely. Her hand stung, she was exhausted, and she was still angry.

"Are you alright?"

"Of course," was Charlie's edgy reply.

Marie flipped on the bedside lamp. Charlie rolled her eyes. "Your hand doesn't look it. Does it hurt?"

"Not much," she lied. "It's after lights out." She said, hoping to scare this annoying twit into going to bed.

"I'm a Girl Scout. I can fix it for you, if you want."

"Of course you are," Charlie muttered. "I'm good." She turned around to get into bed, but then Marie said,

"Here's my first aid kit! It'll only take a minute. Sit down, please," she said, her tone taking on an authoritative lilt.

Charlie perched on the edge of her cot, and stuck out her right arm when requested to. Marie tried to make conversation while she used the tweezers to extract pieces of stone from Charlie's knuckles.

"How did you end up here?"

Charlie inwardly groaned. She did not want to go through all this with a stranger, much less _this_ one. "I ran away."

"Why? Does your family know where you are?"

Charlie rolled her eyes again. Did this chick not get the purpose of running away? "I don't have any family."

"Of course you do! Everyone has family. I've got a mom and a little brother. What do you have?"

"I told you, I _haven_'_t_. You wanna know why? Because they're all dead!" Charlie hadn't meant to yell, but this girl was so frustrating that she couldn't help herself. She felt a little sorry about putting the hurt and shocked look on Marie's pretty face, but not very, because she felt like Marie deserved to get a little bite after sticking her nose far in where it didn't belong.

"I'm really sorry, Charlie...I didn't know," Marie offered weakly. She had finished getting the debris out of Charlie's hand, and had progressed to dabbing antibiotic ointment on the back of it and on the fronts of her fingers.

"Yeah. Whatever." Charlie said. Marie smiled up at her, and Charlie involuntarily smiled back.

"Okay, Charlie, flip over your arm for me, and stick it out straight," Marie directed. Charlie laid her hand out palm-side up, and Marie started wrapping it in gauze.

When Charlie's hand and wrist were pretty much immobilized, and all you could see of her hands were her four fingertips and her thumb, Marie secured the wrap with medical tape.

"This should be changed daily until your knuckles heal, and you shouldn't get the wrap wet, because the medical tape will lose its seal. So I'll re-wrap it for you every night, okay?"

Charlie nodded. "Marie," she said suddenly.

"Yes?"

"How did you get here?"

Marie sighed softly. "My dad left us when I was little, and my mom has trying to support my little brother and I since then. With the recession, my mom lost her better-paying office job, and hasn't been able to get many more waitressing shifts. So we lost our apartment. She and Hayden are in the family section, but they told me there was an open bed down here, and I thought it might be nice to make a new friend. But I can leave, if you'd like."

Charlie looked at her lap. She heard the pleading undertones in Marie's voice, and felt the care that her hand had been fixed with. "I wouldn't. Like that, I mean...I would like to have you as a friend."

Marie's crushing hug toppled Charlie, and they both giggled as they rolled on her bed.

"I'm not really sleepy anymore," Marie said.

Charlie felt the exact opposite, but she wanted to get to know this girl a little more. "Me, either."

They talked for a few hours about everything under the sun. Charlie told Marie about some of the weird rules and funny people who lived at the mission, and Marie told Charlie about Hayden and their mother, Kristina. When Marie finally grew tired again, she turned off the lamp and went back to her own bed, but Charlie's bad thoughts came creeping back, and she began to dwell on Aggie and Lucy again.

"You've gotta make this right, Em," Charlie said to herself.

When she finally did fall asleep, the nightmares came again, which is how she came to be sitting up in bed, sweaty and tired, at 3:30 in the morning. She was frustrated and exhausted, but she crept out of the room and went to the bathroom to shower (making sure not to wet her hand) and change. By 5:00 AM, she was sitting in a chair at the 12th, waiting for Det. Beckett to get to work.

* * *

When Kate Beckett walked into the 12th on Monday morning, the last thing she expected to see was a sleeping head on her desk.

"Is that Charlie?" Castle asked her in a whisper.

"Yeah. That's weird, because she wasn't here on Friday," Beckett said nervously. "Oh, what happened to her hand?"******  
**

Castle shook his head. "Looks well wrapped, though. And trust me," he said with a wink, "I know a good job from a bad one."

"Shut up," Beckett growled, but she nudged him playfully.

"Should we wake her up?"

"Well...she's in my seat," Beckett said with a small pout. "But she looks so peaceful, it seems a shame to disturb her. I can sit at Espo's desk," she muttered craftily.

Just then, however, Charlie jerked awake with a small cry.

"Are you okay?" Beckett asked, with no small amount of worry.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. When did you get here? How long was I out?"

"We just got here," Castle replied. "When did you get here?"

"Oh, around five or so?" Charlie said. At Beckett and Castle's looks of astonishment, her expression turned sheepish.

"Why so early?" Beckett inquired, coming over to stand by the girl. Beckett felt a cosmic pull to her, and was seriously considering blurting out the news, just so she would have an excuse to put her arms around Charlie - around her daughter.

Charlie took a deep breath. "I've had some trouble sleeping this weekend, and I think I know why."

"Well, you've been having nightmares." Beckett said, without thinking.

"How'd you know?" Charlie asked, awestruck.

Beckett blushed and silently cursed herself. "I just...when, um, my mother died, I had them too. You know, all the things you could've/should've said or done...that kind of thing."

Charlie furrowed her brow as she nodded. "Yeah...and the thing is, I know what to do. I've...well, I haven't exactly been truthful with you guys."

"Really?" Castle asked. Beckett shot him a glare over Charlie's head.

"I guess you could say I've been withholding information?"

"Really?" Castle asked again, this time with less sarcasm.

Beckett raised an eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest. "What do you know, Charlie?" She expected some pretty useless information, like something minor she and Lucy had done that she felt had gotten Lucy killed.

"I think I know who killed them. Actually, I'm pretty sure I know who. And if I'm right, I also know why."

Beckett took a step back, and shot another glance at Castle. She was totally bewildered. "Who?" She and Castle asked at the same time.

"My..._stepfather_. Brian Scott Wright. He killed my mother, too."

Beckett took that news like a shot to the chest. "Did he escape from prison? I mean, we would've heard of him if he had and had come to the city," she said, a little breathless.

"He was never convicted. The police said my mother killed herself, and he left no trail, so they declared him dead too. I only know because it was in our paper. I ran away when I found out that she was dead too."

"Too?" Beckett asked weakly.

Charlie took another breath. "_You __can __do __this__, __Emmie__,_" she thought. "When I was eight, my father and older brothers were killed on impact in a head-on collision. When I was ten, my mother got remarried to _Brian_," she spat the name out. "Six months ago, he shot and killed my mother because she threatened to turn him in for...hurting me. And now he's after me, too."

Beckett knew there was no way that she could follow up that admission with news about their relationship. She had never felt such heartache, save for losing her mother. How are you supposed to feel when you discover that your own child has lost everything she's ever known?

"We'll find him," she heard herself saying. Beckett felt out-of-body; it was like she was looking at herself say these words to Charlie. Nothing felt real, except for this: "I promise you, we'll get him." Beckett never made promises she wouldn't keep.


	4. Isobaric

in this chapter, we delve a little bit more into my psyche, and a little bit more into my personal fantasy land. i would like to dedicate this chapter to my dad, who's 51st birthday is today (12/12/12). he is my rock - he is the first person i came out to - and my best friend. i can't imagine a stronger bond than that of a father and his daughter. happy birthday, dadE.

nothing you recognize belongs to me, etc., etc.

this week's playlist, aka the soundtrack of tears:

1. under pressure - david bowie and queen  
2. cough syrup - young the giant  
3. falling awake - gary jules  
4. help! - the beatles  
5. the sun - mirah  
6. we're all in this together - ben lee  
7. can't help falling in love - ingrid michaelson

* * *

**isobaric** /isoˈbarɪk/ _adj_. 1) a thermodynamic process in which the _pressure_ remains _constant_.

* * *

Beckett, Castle, Esposito, and Ryan had worked their absolute hardest to find out any information they could about Brian Wright and, as they discovered, his stepdaughter - Emmeline Frances Harris, whom they knew as Charlie. Everything Charlie had said was pretty much what they found. They found the newspaper article detailing Frances Finch's supposed suicide, Brian Wright's disappearance, and Charlie's subsequent exit.

They found Charlie's Amber Alert, which didn't really provide useful information because the two people who could have given it were unavailable for comment. There was no obituary in the paper for Fran, but there was for Charlie's father, Ben, and her twin brothers, Drew and Topher. There was a picture of the five of them, probably taken on a vacation to the beach when Charlie was about seven. She was wearing a pink swimsuit with watermelons all over it, flip flops with big pink daisies, and a pair of pink, glittery, heart-shaped sunglasses that covered not only her eyes, but most of her forehead and cheeks as well. She had a big grin on her face, and her tongue poked through where her two front teeth were missing. Each of her brothers (Beckett had only met them once, and so had no idea which was which) had an arm around her shoulder, and they wore matching Hawaiian-print trunks (one red, one blue). Their parents stood behind Charlie, and the other four members of the family matched Charlie's smile inch for inch.

Beckett wanted to make Charlie smile like that again. She felt her heart pang as she thought of how her daughter walked out of the precinct.

* * *

Charlie finished telling her tale, and Beckett promised her that they'd find Brian. She sent Espo and Ryan off to do some preliminary research, and she and Castle stood towering over the sitting Charlie, who looked even smaller now post-release.

"You said he...hurt you, Charlie?" Beckett asked, out of the blue. The foul possibilities were looping through her mind, and she needed to know, if only to make them stop.

A dark look clouded Charlie's deep blue eyes. "I don't like talking about it."

"But...any information we can get will make it easier to land charges on this dirtbag," Beckett tried. Castle bit back a small grin at the fact that Beckett used a term other than "criminal" to describe Brian Wright.

"I _don__'__t_ like talking about it," Charlie repeated, a harder edge to her voice.

"Charlie, please. We need to kn-"

"You don't need anything!" Charlie yelled. She stood up, and Beckett realized that if she hadn't been in heels, they'd be nearly equal in terms of height. "You don't get to have a say in whether or not I share my personal and private information with you! You can't subpoena my feelings - you don't have a warrant to search my brain! This is _my_ life, and _my_ story, and I'm not ready or willing to tell it, especially not to you! Who the hell do you think you are?"

Beckett was completely flabbergasted. _'__Your __mother__!'_ she wanted to shout. But her tongue was frozen. Charlie looked up at her, complete disgust boiling in her eyes. She allowed a single sniff of despair, and then grabbed her satchel and stalked to the stairs. She didn't even want to wait for the elevator.

* * *

That had been three weeks ago. Every day when Beckett walked into the 12th, she hoped to see a little brown backpack and a faded army jacket slung across her desk. But every day brought disappointment, and another little crack in her already-fragile heart.

"Beckett! I'd like to see you in my office, please," Roy Montgomery said to her, one morning in early June.

"Yes, sir," she answered softly, following the Captain into his suite.

"Have a seat." She obediently dropped into one of the chairs in front of his desk. "Kate, I'm worried about you."

"Sir, I-" Beckett started, trying to head this off at the pass.

"Let me finish. You've been working yourself to the bone on these cases, and I don't think it's healthy for you. This didn't seem to be like a case that was particularly personal to you, so I let you stay on, thinking some of your crazed passion would subside and you'd be able to unwind a little. But when that didn't happen, I called your friend at the morgue, Dr. Parrish."

"Sir?"

Montgomery gave her a look, and she quieted back down. "Katie, why didn't you tell me about Charlie?"

Beckett looked at her lap. "Because I was embarrassed."

"Of having a child as a teenager?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did you think I would judge you?"

Beckett stared up at the man she looked to as a second father. "Well, no, sir, but...I guess I just felt better pretending it never happened. It hurt less."

"And what about now? How does it feel pretending it never happened with her standing right there?"

Beckett let a tear roll slowly down her cheek. "Awful, Roy."

She fidgeted with her hands in her lap as Montgomery stood in silence before her. "I'm sending you home, Beckett."

"But sir, I-"

"You can come back tomorrow," he cut her off. "You're still lead on this case, and there's no one I trust to solve it more than you. But you're taking today off. See where your heart takes you."

Beckett gave him a small smile. "Yes, sir."

"See you tomorrow, Beckett."

* * *

Though Charlie was no longer enrolled in a school (having lied and said that she'd already recieved her GED), her new friend Marie still attended her old school. They had about two weeks left, and Marie was struggling with her final Algebra assignment before their exams.

"Charlie, do you know how to graph functions?"

Charlie nodded. "Sure. That was a couple years ago, but I think I can drag up some knowledge. Need some help?"

"Definitely!"

Charlie patted a spot next to her on her bed, covered in the rag quilt that Lucy had made her. Now, the thought of Lucy made her smile sadly, not burst into tears. She thought it was good progress.

Marie came to sit next to her, notebook in hand. They worked together on figuring the equation of the graph, and then Charlie let Marie graph it herself.

"See, that wasn't so bad!"

Marie stuck out her tongue. "Yes, it was."

"Aw, let's try another."

Charlie led Marie a little, but mostly tried to give her the basics and let her figure the rest on her own. As Marie bent her head to intensely scribble something down, Charlie caught a waft of an amazing, tropical scent. She tried to sniff the air inconspicuously, searching for the source of the smell. Then Marie flipped her hair out of her face, and the scent hit Charlie full force.

Charlie scooted closer to Marie, delicately sniffing her coconut and mango shampoo. "Your hair smells so good," she whispered.

Marie looked at her, green eyes wide. "Thanks." She dipped her head into Charlie's neck, and Charlie froze. "Yours smells nice too."

Charlie felt a blush color the bridge of her nose and she couldn't fight her grin. "Marie?"

"Yeah?"

Charlie was dazed by her stare, and mutely shook her head. "Never mind," she said, once she regained her voice.

Marie giggled. "Okay, crazy." She tucked a lock of light brown hair behind her left ear, and Charlie gasped.

Charlie had felt a small tug towards women for as long as she could remember. She used to make up boys to "crush" on when she and her friends would play Truth or Dare at slumber parties. But when Brian had come into her life, she became utterly confused. Did she not want it because it was _Brian_, or did she not want _it_ at all?

He started with hitting, and hitting she could take. Then he made her show him hers, and then he'd show her his. She called his 'it' "gross," once. She never called 'it' anything again. One day, her former best friend invited her for a sleepover. She had two fathers. Brian flat-out refused, saying innumerable awful things about their family and their way of life. Fran, Charlie's mom, had tried to stand up to him, but got beaten down for it.

Brian spent the rest of their "time" together trying to force the gay out of Charlie. He didn't even know for sure how she felt, but he thought that if he forced her hand long enough, she'd start to get accustomed to it.

"Charlie? Where'd you go? Are you okay?" Marie gently stroked Charlie's flushed cheek, and rubbed her goosebumped arms.

"Marie..."

"Yes?"

"Marie." Charlie said her name again, but this time when she turned to face Marie, she didn't waver. "I think I love you."

'_Brian __isn__'__t __here__, __Emmie__. __You__'__re __here__, __and __she__'__s __here__. __It__'__s __okay__.'_ The voice in Charlie's head, the braver, more confident, former self that still lived within her, told her to let go. Charlie moved in closer, cupping Marie's right cheek in her left hand. She wove her right fingers through Marie's hair and tugged, making their mouths meet. Charlie felt a tongue tap on her teeth, and she opened her mouth to get closer to Marie. Her toes curled in her socks, and Marie made a fist in her t-shirt.

But when they pulled back to catch their breath, Marie's eyes were scared. "What's wrong?"

"You are! Th-this is," Marie said, looking angry, but starting to cry. "You're disgusting."

"Marie, wait!" Charlie called brokenly after her, but she walked out of the room and slammed the door behind her. She couldn't move. Her legs were jelly, and her lungs were constricted. She was having a panic attack.

Charlie didn't know how long she sat on her bed, staring at her hands flex and trying to regulate her breathing, but it seemed like Marie had just left when she and the head matron, Sister McClure, came barging in.

"Charlotte," she barked. Charlie glanced up, eyes blank and droopy. Behind her, a nervous-looking Marie was shifting her weight from foot to foot. "A word, in my office. Now."

Charlie slid her feet slowly into her boots, and, inch by inch, followed the two women down the hall and stairs, ending up in a cramped room adjacent to the vestibule.

"Take a seat," Sr. McClure ordered. Marie and Charlie sat next to each other. "Now, Marie, tell Charlie what you've just told me. Then we'll see if she admits guilt to these allegations."

"W-well, Sister, we were just...sitting o-on her bed," Marie began quietly. "And I was trying to do my math homework, and she was supposed to be helping me."

Charlie's chest constricted again, and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Then she began to get t-too close, and I asked her to back off, but she wouldn't, and-"

"You never asked that," Charlie said calmly.

Marie looked at her, terrified, but Sr. McClure shot her a dirty look and hissed a, "Shh!" She looked at Marie and nodded for her to continue.

"Well, anyway, then she...kissed me. And it was so disgusting and I didn't want to but she kept forcing herself on me and I just couldn't take it! So I finally pushed her away from me and ran here and told you."

Charlie let out a pitiful and humorless laugh. Sr. McClure looked at her sharply. "Well, Charlotte. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I won't deny that I...kissed her." She whispered the last part, throat closing thickly. She took a deep breath. "But everything else was a lie."

Sr. McClure was the one to laugh, now. "Everyone knows that homosexuals are pathological liars, Charlotte. Goodness only knows what else you've lied about."

At that statement, Charlie lowered her head. All her fibs were justified, weren't they? Maybe, she mused, it was just something else wrong about her. But the Sister wasn't quite finished, and cleared her throat loudly to direct Charlie's attention back to her.

"But, lucky for you, I am a good, Christian woman, so I will give you until the end of the day to pack up your things and leave." Charlie was dumbstruck, but Sr. McClure was finished with her now. "Marie, you may stay in here or in my room, if you like. Do you need anything from your room?"

Marie shook her head, keeping her eyes trained on her lap. Charlie forced the rising bile back down her throat, and followed Sr. McClure as she snapped, chaperoning her trip back to her room.

Charlie sat down on her bed, still mussed from where she and Marie had been sitting not too long ago. The patchwork fleece felt rough and dirty under her fingertips as she absentmindedly played with the fringe.

She closed her eyes and pictured a fortress. The walls were stone, and they were covered in moss and ivy. She stood in front of the wall closest to her, and a small notch appeared, allowing her to slip through. There were many small huts, each painted a different, vibrant color, all in a circle. In the middle of the circle was a large tower, with one small window. Charlie walked towards the tower and a rope ladder tumbled down from the window. She climbed up and in, and shut her eyes tight. She forced out the memory of the hours before, cracking her eyes slightly to watch the gauzy figures drift around the room. Then she scrambled back down the ladder and into the nearest hut, pacifying herself with a happy memory from years before, so long ago that the only thing remaining was a sense of contentment.

Charlie opened her eyes. They were clear, and she smiled faintly. She'd always been able to compartmentalize, which helped her in the short term to regain her bearings faster than most people. She taught herself how to do it when she was with Brian. When he'd hit her, or when he'd come into her bed late at night, she'd go to her citadel. It was the only place where she could lock the door and just be free.

Shaking her head, she got up to go. She dragged her dad's old green duffel from underneath her bed and began to fill it with the clothes and possessions she had that weren't already in her backpack. She took down posters and pictures from the walls and fit them into her tin.

Once she was done, she looked around the blank room in bittersweet fondness. She put on her satchel, slung her duffel across her body, and left. No one said goodbye to her as she walked into the vestibule for the last time and exited through the big, brown, double doors.

Once off the stoop, she stopped. "Where am I supposed to go?" She muttered to herself. She paused to think. Yes, she had gotten angry at Beckett, and that was why she hadn't gone to see her in weeks. But she was also scared. She was scared that Beckett did know about their...relationship, and was choosing to ignore it. She was scared that the opposite was true - that she still didn't know at all. But the thought of being out all night, completely alone, scared her more than anything. She didn't want to be alone anymore. So she shouldered her pride, and hoisted her duffel further on her back. She walked the few blocks to the bus stop and waited, getting on the next bus to the precinct.

* * *

"Dad?" Alexis called, coming downstairs to the kitchen. "What are you doing home so early?"

"Captain Montgomery sent Beckett home, so I left too. This case is rough," he said sadly.

"Why'd Kate get sent home?" Alexis asked curiously.

"This case is...pretty hard on her." Castle said mysteriously.

"Why?"

"Well...our main witness is someone very close to her."

"But I thought you said that the only person who knew anything was a teenage girl...oh my gosh, no way! Is that Beckett's-" Alexis paused, eyes wide. She had promised Beckett not to tell her dad about her daughter.

"Beckett's what?" Castle asked. "What do you know?"

"Nothing! I don't know anything!" Alexis said conspicuously, practically running to the refrigerator to get a cup of yogurt.

"If you don't tell me, I'll have to..." Castle paused ominously, creeping towards his daughter. "Tickle it out of you!"

"No! Daddy, stop!" Alexis laughed hysterically as Castle lightly dug his fingers into her sensitive ribcage. "I promised Kate I wouldn't tell!"

"Oh," he said as he stopped. "Wait, what?"

Alexis looked up into her father's confused face. She saw recognition in his eyes, and knew he knew what she knew. "When Kate and I spent Mother's Day together...she told me about something that happened when she was in high school. A big...event in her life, and someone else's..."

For as awkwardly subtle as she was being, Alexis' dad knew her well enough to correctly interpret what she was trying to say. "So you knew about her daughter, but didn't know she was the witness in our case?"

Alexis broke into a relieved grin. "Exactly."

"Her name is Charlie. She's homeless, she's alone, and she doesn't know that Beckett knows that she's...her daughter." Castle's voice was watery, as though he was trying not to cry. Alexis wrapped her arms around his waist.

"It's okay, Daddy. They'll be okay."

Castle pressed a kiss to the top of Alexis' head. "I sure hope so, pumpkin," he whispered. Castle, for the millionth time in the past seventeen years, thanked every celestial being in the universe that allowed him to have this wonderful girl in his life. "I love you, Alexis," he breathed into her hair.

"I love you too, Daddy."

* * *

Charlie got up to homicide's floor, and looked around cautiously as she exited the elevator. She didn't want to be caught off guard by Esposito or Ryan, or worse, by Beckett.

"Can I help you?" Det. Mindy Stegner came up to her.

"Um, hi. Stegner, right?" Stegner nodded, slowly remembering Charlie's face from around the precinct. "I'm looking for my- for Detective Beckett. Have you seen her?"

"No, but I can get Ryan or Esposito for you, if you like," she offered.

"Um, sure, thanks," Charlie accepted with a smile.

She put her duffel down, and stood awkwardly by the elevators while Stegner found Esposito in the breakroom.

"See you around, guys," Stegner told them, as she led Esposito to where Charlie was waiting. Charlie waved goodbye and Espo gave her a nod.

"Hey, Charlie," he said kindly. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah, I know." She gave him a genuine smile. She'd really missed his playfulness and sense of humor. He reminded her a lot of her brother Topher. "I'm actually...I'm looking for Beckett. Is she here?"

"No, Cap sent her home. Why? Do you have any new information? Because I can-"

"No, Espo. It's, um...personal. Is there any way you can tell her I'm here, maybe get her to come see me? I need to talk to her."

Esposito paused for a minute, mulling something over in his head. "Off the record, and don't tell anyone I told you this, but go up to McCarren Park, in Williamsburg. When Beckett gets a big case or somethin' and needs a place to think, she goes to a park to swing. That's the closest park to her apartment."

Charlie swallowed the lump in her throat that was threatening to rise. They really were a lot more alike than she could have ever guessed. "Thank you, Detective," she croaked in a low voice.

"That's Uncle Javi, to you," he answered. "And don't mention it." He gave her a grin, and that's when she lost it. She wrapped her arms tightly around his middle and buried her face in his chest. "Hey, hey," he whispered. "It's okay, _chiquita_."

She pulled back and rubbed a finger underneath her nose. "See ya later," she said with an attempt at a smile, "Uncle Javi."

She picked up her duffel and walked back to the elevator. She didn't see the tear briefly glisten in the corner of Esposito's eye before he roughly brushed it away.

* * *

Beckett walked up Stanton after finishing her slice, and turned left at the corner to get to Bowery. She walked down to the mission, and wondered if she should press the buzzer and wait, or just let herself in. Manners prevailed, and she jabbed the brass button with her thumb.

She fidgeted outside for a few moments, before a nice-looking woman in plainclothes came to the front door.

"Hello, my name is Grace. How can I help you this afternoon?" She asked with a broad smile.

Beckett smiled back. "I'm looking for a girl who lives here. Charlie Harris?"

"I think she's in her room. I'll go get her for you," Grace offered. "Would you like to come in and wait?"

"Sure, thanks," Beckett accepted.

She sat in the proffered chair and looked around a bit. There was the little vestibule through which she'd come, a sitting/living room across from her with some couches, a rug, a TV, and stacks of books and videos. The hall down which Grace had gone was lined with doors, which she assumed were the rooms that Charlie and other single persons occupied. A set of stairs led to another floor with, Beckett suspected, more bedrooms. There was a large unpainted door near where she sat which Beckett thought might be an office of some kind, and beyond that, a hall perpendicular to the bedroom hall which probably led to kitchen and dining rooms.

Beckett played with her phone and swung her feet as she waited for Charlie and Grace to come back. But when Grace returned, it was solo.

"I'm so sorry, Ms..."

"Beckett. Um, Detective Beckett."

Grace's eyes widened a fraction, then she smiled again. "Again, I'm so sorry, Detective. But I can't seem to find Charlie, or her roommate, and no one knows where they might be if they weren't in their room. It's possible that they went somewhere - they're very good friends, you see, and Marie is really the only friend that Charlie's had since...well, the whole mess with Aggie Bradley and Lucy Jones, so it's possible that they went to have some fun. But you just sit tight, and I'll see if Sister McClure knows anything."

Beckett nodded her assent, and Grace knocked on the big wooden door. She was beckoned in, and Beckett was left alone again. She swung her feet for what seemed like ages before a stern looking woman with close-cropped hair and an ill-fitting wool jumper walked out of the office, followed by a cowering Grace.

"Are you the...woman who asked to see Charlotte Harris?" The woman sneered and looked down her nose at Beckett.

Beckett stood, unwilling to be intimidated by this person. "I am. And who might you be?"

The woman, almost a full head shorter than Beckett, drew herself up pompously. "I am Sister Mary Kathleen McClure, Head Matron of this mission! And I am here to inform you that Charlotte Harris is no longer able to be assisted by this _fine _organization," she emphasized. "So I would greatly appreciate it if you would vacate the premises, and inform any other people like you who might be looking for that miscreant to search elsewhere, and never darken our doorstep again!" With that dramatic proclamation, she stamped her cane once on the grubby linoleum and turned on her heel. As she walked back into her office, she instructed, "Grace! Show her out, if you please." Then she shut the door with a bang.

Grace looked at Beckett apologetically. "I'm very sorry I couldn't be of more help."

Beckett offered her a worried smile. "Thank you, Grace. You did your best."

Grace nodded, and ushered Beckett to the door. Pausing in the vestibule, Grace looked fearfully at the sky. "It's about to rain,"

Beckett nodded. "I think I can make it. Goodbye," she said softly.

"Goodbye."

* * *

Charlie tiredly made her way to McCarren Park. She didn't have the money for bus fare both ways, so she figured she'd expend her energy now and use the money to get...well, she wasn't quite sure where. It had taken her over an hour, because she had so much extra weight to lug around. And...

"Fuck," she cursed. "Are you serious right now?" The sky was a threatening shade of charcoal, and Charlie could hear the low rumble of thunder growing nearer, which meant that the storm was almost upon her.

As quickly as she could on her weary legs, she scampered through the park gates and into the playground area, which was quickly being vacated by nervous parents and children. Before she could even think, the clouds burst open, and it started pouring on Charlie's head and all of her belongings. She dashed to a tunnel maze not too far from the entrance, and threw her duffel in before crawling in after it. Shivering, she pulled her knees to her chest as she slid down the side of the plastic tube.

"Guess this is it for tonight, Norman," she said to her ragged-looking teddy bear, as she tugged him from her backpack. "Or at least until the storm clears."

* * *

Beckett walked back into the 12th after her disappointing venture to the mission. She needed to grab the keys for her Crown Vic so she could drive Liz home. It would be storming soon, and she'd get soaked if she rode Thumper.

"Yo, Beckett," Esposito called to her as she got out of the elevator. "You find your girl?"

Beckett furrowed her brow. "No," she said slowly. "How'd you know I was looking for her?"

Now it was Espo's turn to be confused. "Looking for her? No, she came here looking for you!"

"She was here? Where'd she go?" Beckett asked excitedly.

"Well, I figured you'd be at the park, so I told her to go up to Williamsburg."

"Williamsburg? How the hell was she gonna get there?" Beckett asked, a little angry.

Esposito held up his hands. "I didn't think that far, sorry," he apologized.

Beckett shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. What have you and Ryan been up to?"

Ryan walked over to them. "We haven't found anything to suggest that Brian Wright is in the city, or that he's been anywhere around here in the past two months."

Beckett sighed. "Well, keep looking. I'll go home, and see if Charlie's there."

Ryan patted her shoulder. "Good luck, Beckett."

"Yeah, you too."

So Beckett drove out of Manhattan and across the bridge, which was when it began to rain. It began to pour once Beckett got into Brooklyn proper, and as she rounded the corner to get to the park, her windshield wipers were turned on as fast as they could go, because the rain came down in sheets. Beckett couldn't see out her window, so she buttoned her jacket, grabbed her umbrella from the door pocket, and got out to brave the weather.

"There's no way she could be out here like this," Beckett muttered to herself. "But where else would she be?"

Beckett walked into the park, and saw no one on the swings or the playset. No one was sitting on a bench, at a table under the pavilion, or on the seesaw. She walked over past a slide-like setup when a voice distracted her.

"Can I help-" Charlie began as she crawled out of the tube. "Beckett," she breathed.

"Charlie!" Beckett had to restrain herself from running towards Charlie and gripping her to her chest. "I was so-well, I'm glad I found you. I've looked everywhere! Oh," Beckett said, suddenly noticing Charlie's appearance. "You're soaked through."

"I'm fine," Charlie said, a little standoffish-ly. She silently cursed herself for being so fragile, and ungrateful, too. "Did you need me for something?"

Beckett was a bit taken aback by Charlie's tone, but pressed on nevertheless. "Well, I just...I mean, I wanted to...Charlie, I know this is going to sound, well...I mean, I was completely shocked when I found out. I mean, not shocked, because of course I knew, but I never expected-"

Charlie knew what Beckett was trying to get at. Her gut reaction was to be cruel. She had visions of herself yelling at Beckett, asking what claim she felt like she had on Charlie and how dare she, all of a sudden, decide that _she_ was ready to admit the truth. She was prepared to shame Beckett, to make her feel guilty for waiting around, withholding the information that Charlie had had for months - years, even.

But then, she realized that Beckett already _felt_ guilty. She had probably wanted to tell Charlie that she knew for ages, but Charlie herself had made it impossible. There was always something that Charlie had to say first. And by that time, all of Beckett's courage had probably fled. The words had time to stick in her throat, much like they were doing now. And it was not Beckett, but Charlie, who felt ashamed. So instead, she offered relief.

"I know. I know that you know that I know what you're trying to say. But, if I may ask, why now?"

Beckett sighed, half in relief, and half in sadness. "Because I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but I was scared. You probably figured it out the first time we met - I know you, and you pick up on everything. Hell, even Castle knew after the first time we met. He said we'd known each other in another life. And, well, I was trying to find you to tell you at first because I felt guilty over the way we'd left things, and I wanted to try and make amends." Beckett looked Charlie in the eyes. "I still do...I'm sorry for pushing you, I really am. But then, when I went to the mission and they told me you didn't live there anymore, I...wanted to tell you because I thought, maybe, I could help."

Charlie's breath caught in her throat. She was petrified. "Help?"

"I thought you might need a place to stay."

"Stay?"

Beckett let out a short laugh. "Are you gonna keep repeating the last word I say?"

Charlie felt her heart go back to normal. "Say?" she questioned, but this time it was with a teasing grin.

"You need a place to stay, don't you?"

Charlie considered saying no, but then she thought of the quality of life she'd have, living in a red plastic tube, designed for children to play in. Tonight, she'd be very wet. Tomorrow, the sun would come back out and bake her dry, but would turn the tube into a sticky, static-y, hot mess. And there would be kids shrieking and running all around her, parents and nannies judging her, bugs and elements attacking her...she couldn't live like that. "Yes," she answered softly.

"Well, I may not have a whole room for you, but I've got a pretty darn comfy couch, and a roof, and central heating," Beckett tried to entice. "And maybe I don't feel like I'm allowed to be your mother just yet, but I'd certainly love your permission to be your somebody."

"Do you have a dryer?" Charlie asked, after a moment of pause.

Beckett laughed. "If I say yes, will you?"

Charlie smiled. "Yes. I say yes."

Beckett dropped her umbrella, then, and hugged Charlie to her chest. "Oh, baby," she murmured. The rain continued to soak Charlie, and between hugging Charlie and being in the storm with no umbrella, Beckett was beginning to get pretty drowned herself. "C'mon," she said at last, picking up her neglected cover. "Let's go home."

Beckett dropped her arms, but picked up Charlie's hand to keep contact. The umbrella hung lamely at her side, because she saw no real point in holding it back up when she was already soaked to the skin. They slogged to Beckett's car, and Beckett unlocked the door for Charlie before swinging around to the other side and hopping in herself.

"You buckled?" She asked awkwardly.

Charlie just looked at her with a raised eyebrow, and Beckett gave a nervous laugh. "Sorry, I'm just..."

"Yeah, I know. Me too. I mean...I had a mom for fourteen years..."

"Yeah, I know." Beckett mimicked. "They were...really nice, when I knew them."

Charlie looked over at Beckett. "Will you tell me about them? Before me, I mean."

Beckett flashed her a quick smile as she maneuvered out from between two SUVs. "Sure. I was...well, I was fifteen, when I got pregnant. And it wasn't until my...fifth or sixth month that I got really serious about adoption."

"You were gonna keep me?"

Charlie noticed that Beckett's expression grew tight. "Honestly?" Beckett questioned her.

"Honestly," Charlie affirmed.

"I wasn't gonna do anything. I mean...naively, I thought maybe it was all a bad dream. But my mom...when we were able to feel you, she started to push me. My parents kind of just left me to my own devices for a while, but my mom told me I needed to start thinking about _both_ of us, and not just me."

"And that's when you found my parents?"

Beckett gave a short laugh. "That's when I found the agency. There were many, _many_ families my mom and I interviewed before we met your parents. And I saw many families after I met them, because Mom wanted me to make an informed decision. But when I met Fran and Ben, I just...knew. They brought the boys in, and I saw the way the four of them acted together."

"You met my brothers?" Charlie asked in a weak voice.

Beckett stretched an arm across the console and rested her hand on Charlie's thigh. "Yeah," she said softly. "They were about four or five, I guess, and they were as sweet as can be. One of them, I think it was Andrew, wanted to feel 'his little sister' kick in my stomach."

"That sounds like Drew," Charlie agreed. "He was more protective of me. He treated me like a doll. Topher always played with me, but Drew wanted to keep me safe."

Beckett didn't know how to answer that. "Your parents told me that when your older brothers were born, they thought that their family was complete. But one night, your mom had a dream, and in the dream, the twins were playing with a little blue-eyed girl named Emmie. But your mom couldn't have any more children, so they started looking into adoption."

"She had a hysterectomy. Mama did, I mean. She was really sick, and that was the only way to fix her. So that's why she couldn't get pregnant again."

"When did they tell you you were adopted?" Beckett asked suddenly.

"I think I've always known," Charlie said, after a moment of thought. "I mean, your picture hung above my crib, and then my bed, in my room. My old room," she clarified. "I have it with me, now. I thought maybe I'd find you, when I...left."

"You looked for me?" Beckett asked in surprise.

Charlie sighed. "Not exactly. See, I only had your picture, and your first name. Mama and Daddy said they'd give me your name when I was ready to look for you...but I never got the chance to ask. The only reason I had 'Katie' was because that's what it said on the back of the picture. 'Katie and friends, 1995'. And I knew you were from New York City...I guess I thought maybe you still lived there."

"Well, you guessed right!" Beckett said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Beckett?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it alright if I don't call you Mom?" Charlie looked up at her pensively.

"Oh, Charlie," Beckett sighed, as she pulled into her parking garage. "Of course it is! That's something you control, not me, and if you're not ready..." _'__Much __as __I __might __like __you __to __be__...'_ "that is completely your call. You know what I would like, though?"

"What?"

"If you'd call me Kate. Beckett is a work thing. My family calls me Kate." Beckett gave her a small smile.

"Okay. Kate," Charlie said, rolling the name around in her mouth. "I like it."

"Me, too."

Kate helped Charlie with her bags, and they employed a little police trick to get to the fifth floor as fast as possible. The elevator took them straight to their floor, and Kate let them both into Apartment 17.

"So, this is it," she said as she led Charlie in. Bathroom's on the right, there, and on your left is the closet where you hang your coat and stuff. There's also the sheets we'll use to make up your bed, and some extra towels and things. Then, through here," she said, passing through the glass double doors, "is the kitchen on the right, the living room in front of you, and the dining room on the left."

"What's behind the dining room?" Charlie asked, motioning to the area behind the bookshelves.

"Oh, that's my office. You're welcome to go in there and use the computer if you want," Kate said nervously.

"But don't look at anything else?" Charlie asked on a guess.

Kate smiled sheepishly. "If you wouldn't mind? I just don't want you to be scarred or anything," she said, thinking of her makeshift murder board.

"Oh, do you keep your porn in there or something?" Charlie asked, unfazed. "Don't worry, it's nothing I haven't seen before."

"Charlie!" Kate scolded.

"Scout's honor, I won't peek," Charlie swore.

Kate rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. "_Anyway_, behind the table is the door to my bedroom. If you need anything, you come get me. Understand?" She asked seriously.

"Aye aye, Cap'n," Charlie quipped.

"Alright. Why don't you lay out some PJs and have them warm by the fire, and I'll take the rest of your stuff and run it through the dryer while you shower. Then we'll talk about what to do for dinner. Sound good?"

"Sounds great, I'm starved," Charlie answered. Kate didn't even wanna think about the last time she'd eaten, so she told Charlie to pick out her comfy clothes and then get changed in the bathroom so she could dry the clothes Charlie had on.

Charlie dug a pair of pants, some socks, and an old t-shirt out of her duffel, and laid them in front of the pot-bellied stove to dry.

"Wait, where are your pajamas?" Kate questioned.

"I don't really have any," Charlie answered.

"But...what do you sleep in?"

Charlie blushed a bit. "Normally? My underwear. But I didn't think that would be appropriate, so..."

Kate shook her head. "You'll borrow a pair of mine. You can sleep in whatever you want, but you cannot lounge in a pair of skinny jeans. I won't allow it!" She said in a mock-stern voice.

Charlie giggled. "Okay, whatever you say," she placated.

Kate disappeared into her bedroom, and came back a few moments later with a light blue long-sleeve thermal and a soft-looking pair of pink pinstripe drawstring pants. "These might be a little big on you, but I hardly wear them, so you can keep them if you like." Kate started planning a little shopping trip in their future.

"Kate, you don't-"

"Charlie, take the clothes," Kate demanded.

"But-," Charlie whined. At Kate's look, she reconsidered. "Oh-_kay_," she sighed.

Kate laughed, and after a moment of pouting, Charlie laughed along with her.

"Okay, kid, get in that shower! We can't have you getting sick, can we?"

Charlie grinned, stripped off her 'BITE ME' shirt and skinny jeans, and handed them and her duffel to Kate. Kate was a little shocked at first, but figured Charlie's brashness was harmless, so she shrugged and went down the hall to the floor's laundry room.

In the bathroom, Charlie unhooked her bra and tossed it aside. Then she peeled off her underwear and gave it the same treatment. She marveled at the coolness of Kate's bathroom - a sleek, white, rectangular tub, surrounded by charcoal gray subway tile. The tub/shower had a frosted glass enclosure, and there was a Moroccan-inspired gray mosaic inset into glass wainscoting on the walls above the tub. Stainless steel baskets hid toiletries and other bathroom supplies under the white porcelain pedestal sink, and the floor was a white hexagonal mosaic. Charlie sunk her feet into the gray memory foam bathmat while she waited for the shower to heat up.

Charlie reveled in having as much shampoo, conditioner, and hot water as she wanted. She hadn't used body wash or a powder puff in months, and she hadn't been able to sing in the shower for what felt like forever. She was in the middle of the chorus of "Help!" when she heard a knock on the door.

"Charlie?"

"Yeah?"

"Just wanted to let you know that your clothes are pretty much dry out here, whenever you're ready."

"Okay, thanks!" Charlie felt awkward about being caught singing, so she immediately started to rinse the conditioner out of her hair and finish up her shower.

Kate, for her part, felt awkward about interrupting her, but thought that pretending like she didn't hear her at all might make up for it.

Charlie came out of the bathroom about five minutes later, wrapped in a towel, and grabbed her clothes to take back to the bathroom.

"I was thinking about Chinese for dinner. Is that okay with you?" Kate asked, before Charlie had a chance to scamper away.

"Um, yeah," Charlie said.

"What do you like?"

"Whatever. Just, not too spicy, and no-"

"Almonds," Kate finished with a smile. "I remembered."

Charlie smiled back. "Good. Because almonds and me are a bad combo."

"Got it. I'll order while you get dressed, and then you can just chill while I shower. And then we can set up your bed and stuff."

"Sure," Charlie said. "Kate, um...than-"

"Do _not_," Kate said, "thank me. I should've done this a long time ago."

Charlie opened her mouth to counter, but Kate snapped her hand shut.

"Go change," she ordered. Charlie nodded and went back to the bathroom.

Kate had finished ordering the food by the time Charlie came back out, and Kate thought she finally looked her age. The waffle-knit shirt extended past her fingertips, and the cuffed flannel pants were slung precariously low on her hips. Her still-wet curls were tied up in a topknot, and her right hand was fisted in the sleeve of her shirt while her left fingers were fiddling with the drawstring on her pants.

"So, what do you need me to do?" Charlie asked, a bit subdued.

"Just chill. You're welcome to read any of the books on the shelves," Kate offered. "Or you can go on the computer. I don't have a TV, but if you'd like, I'll look into getting one."

"Oh, you don't have to do anything for-"

"Charlie," Kate said in a warning tone. "I'm not gonna say it again. Anyway, I've been meaning to cave for a while. Sometimes, you just wanna fall asleep to a movie or somethin'."

"Okay. I'll probably find a good book. Maybe one of Castle's?" Charlie said, with a teasing grin. "I have it on good authority that you're somewhat of an expert on his books. Maybe I'll read _Heat __Wave_," she said.

Kate blushed. "How about you start with something a little tamer, hmm? I've got some old _People_s lying around somewhere," she said.

Charlie laughed. "If that's what you think is tame, I can't wait to see what you think is wild!"

Kate grinned. "I'm gonna shower, but I'll be done soon."

Charlie nodded, and went over to the couch with her backpack. She pulled out Norman and her tin of mementos. The semi-faded picture on top was the one she pulled out. Inscribed on the back in neat, blue script was _Katie __and __friends__, 1995_.

Charlie flipped the photo over. "Looks like I found you," she whispered. "I did it."

* * *

The night was spent setting up the sofa bed, eating Chinese food, and getting to know each other's likes and dislikes. Kate had to go to work in the morning, so she let Charlie sleep in as she carefully crept around the apartment, trying to make as little noise as possible. She left Charlie a note saying where she went, how she could be reached, and granting awkward permission to go wherever she wished as long as she called or left a note.

When Kate walked into the precinct, Castle was there to greet her.

"Morning, Beckett," he said in a chipper voice.

She smiled fondly at him. "Good morning," she answered in kind, gratefully accepted his proffered coffee.

"So, what's the sitch?" At Kate's raised brow, he continued. "The haps, the DL, the LD, the four-one-wah-"

"Don't," she started, holding up an open hand. "Even. I do not know what is causing you to talk like some teenager from the '90s, but it has got to stop."

He pouted, as he was wont to do when Kate didn't give him his way. "I just wanted to know what you did yesterday. You know, after Captain Montgomery kicked you out."

Kate nearly stuck out her tongue at him. "First of all, he did not kick me out! He...gave me the rest of the day off. And second, why would I tell you? After being so rude to me," she joked.

"Oh, your magnificent effervescence, please accept my most humble apology," Castle begged, kneeling in front of her and clasping her hand in both of his.

Playing along, she daintily but disgustedly shook her hand loose and discreetly wiped it on her pants. "You are forgiven, peasant," she said in the most regal voice she could muster. Then, in her normal voice, she said, "Get up, you're getting your nice jeans all dusty."

Her heart was swelling with affection for her boyish sidekick. He knew just how to push all her buttons, but he also knew exactly when to make her laugh and when to sympathize; he knew every aspect of her past and her present, and when she really thought about, he featured heavily into her future.

She stretched out a hand to help him up, and he groaned as his joints creaked from the unfamiliar position. "Gettin' old?" She teased.

"Never," he vowed.

"Okay, Pan, let's get to work."

Kate wasn't quite sure how to broach the subject of Charlie with Castle, and their new living situation. On the one hand, it was pretty simple because he already knew the hardest part. On the other, she really liked him, and didn't want the fact that she had a daughter living with her further complicated their already immensely tangled relationship. On the other hand, he too had a teenaged daughter at home. On the other hand, Alexis was a known commodity when this whole thing began, and Charlie was brand new. On the other hand-

"Beckett! Earth to Beckett, paging Dr. Beckett," Castle quipped, waving a hand over Kate's eyes. "You still in there?"

"What? Oh, yeah. Fine." Kate answered, a bit dazedly.

Castle shrugged his shoulders and went back to flipping through files of child abuse reports.

"Castle?" Kate asked, after heavily weighing her options. Her conversation with Alexis was still fresh in her mind, and she had no doubts that Alexis' fencing training made her a fair opponent.

"What's up?" He asked absentmindedly. He was concentrating on a picture of a little boy with cigarette burns on his back.

"Castle," she said again, a little more urgency in her voice. She didn't want him to be looking at these pictures when they had this talk.

He noticed the change in tone, closed the folder, and turned to face her. "I'm listening," he said patiently.

"Yesterday, when I left, I went to go find Charlie."

"I assumed as much," Castle said nonchalantly. "I mean, Roy was obviously talking to you about our case, and then he sent you home. We figured you'd been kicked off, but when Ryan asked who the new lead was, he said you were still point."

Kate nodded. "Right. So I went to the mission to find her, but apparently she's been kicked out. And when she was, she came here looking for me, but I wasn't here. So-"

"She's living with you," Castle hypothesized. "Good for you, Beckett!" He said proudly.

"You're...okay with that?" _'__Way __to __go__, __Beckett__. __You__'__re __not __in __a __relationship __with __him__! __What __should __he __care__?'_ "I mean, you think that's a good idea?"

Castle nodded. "I definitely do. I mean, if anything happened to me and Mother, I certainly would prefer Alexis living with Meredith than out on the street, much as it pains me to say so. And given that you haven't even had the limited contact with her that Meredith has with Alexis, I think it's good that you're in a position to dive right into a relationship."

Kate bit her lip. "But do you think it's okay that I...I'm not ready to be her _mom_," she whispered.

Castle sat back in his chair, and looked seriously at Kate. "I think that at this point, she hasn't done anything to warrant you laying down the law. I do think that you need to establish some ground rules, just, you know, house etiquette, and things like that. But, if worse comes to worse, you're going to need to deal with it. Because eventually we're going to catch this creep. And you're going to have to catch her when she falls. Or you're going to have to give her up again."

"And if I...catch her," Kate said slowly. "I've never been a parent before. Will you help me?"

Castle smiled broadly, and put his hand on top of hers. "Always."

* * *

"Hey, Charlie, are you almost packed?" Kate called from her bedroom.

"Yeah, almost! I can't find that new dress, though, have you seen it?" Charlie yelled back.

"I think I washed it with my stuff - I'll see if it's in my pile," Kate said. She rifled through a stack of printed cotton, and then pulled a sherbet-toned colorblock maxi from the pile. "Found it!"

"Awesome, thanks," Charlie said as she wandered into the room. Kate's bag was spread out on the bed, as were most of her clothes. The only things remaining in the dresser and armoire were chunky sweaters and a pair of sweatpants.

Castle had extended the invitation to Kate (and Charlie) once again to spend the rest of the summer at the Castle house in the Hamptons. After consulting Charlie, and heavily deliberating the matter, Kate accepted. Which is why the Beckett-Harris apartment was in such disarray. Correction: Kate's bedroom was in such disarray. Charlie was practically finished packing, while Kate's suitcase was filled only with, as of yet, four purple swimsuits and a vaguely-Asian floral printed beach kaftan.

"Kate, Castle and Alexis are picking us up in, like, half an hour." Charlie reminded her mother as she gnawed on a baby carrot. "Chop chop in here."

Kate sighed dramatically, throwing Charlie a dirty look. "I'm doing the best that I can!"

Charlie raised her eyebrows. "So far, you've packed stuff for the beach. You need town stuff, dinner stuff, and workout stuff. What's the holdup?"

Kate eyed her suspiciously. "Promise you won't tell Castle?"

Charlie gave her the Bambi eyes. "Who, me?"

"Yeah, right," Kate answered, rolling her eyes. "Forget it."

Charlie put on a calculating expression. "You like him, don't you? Oh, you _like_ him! Oh my gosh!" She squealed.

"Keep your voice down!" Kate admonished.

"Does anyone know?"

"Everyone knows, apparently," Kate muttered.

Charlie pouted. "How come I didn't know?"

Kate shrugged. "How does anyone know?"

Charlie shrugged. "Okay, so you're nervous about what you wear. But you see him every day. It's never taken you this long to get ready for work," she said.

"Yeah, but that's _work_. It's not like I have many options. But this is _us_, time-off us. And, I don't know...it's like dating a boy you go to private school with and then having an out-of-school date with him. He's never seen my personality clothes, unless you count LA!"

"Well, what do you want your personality clothes to represent about you?" Charlie asked diplomatically.

"That I'm fun, but not, like, Girls-Gone-Wild, and that I _do_, in fact, know how to relax."

Charlie nodded. "Okay, so your town clothes are like, jeans and cute tops. Like when we went shopping," Charlie directed. Beckett grabbed a few pairs of her favorite skinnies and a handful of blousy tanks and candy-colored tees. "Your dinner clothes are semi-nice, so like, maybe some casual dresses, and a few skirts and tops that you can mix and match." Kate grabbed a couple of dresses, including the one she'd worn to brunch with Alexis, and two skirts and three blouses. "And then workout clothes are workout clothes, but not those nasty cop shirts with all the holes and pit stains or those hideous knicker-things. Take your new trainers, some leggings, and some of your bright racerbacks."

Kate gazed at her suitcase in awe. "How did you do that?"

"Careful observation of your habits," Charlie said easily. "Also, I inventoried your closet a couple days ago when you were at work, and made note of what I've seen you in and what I haven't. Those are all clothes you wear. Most of the rest, you haven't touched in months, if ever. Maybe you should consider donating them," she suggested.

"That's a great idea, Charlie," Kate answered with a kiss to the crown of Charlie's head. "We'll do that when we get back."

Charlie smiled. "For shoes, take those espadrille wedges, some flip flops, and a nice pair of flat sandals. I'm gonna pack this dress, and then I'll be ready to go."

She left Kate to her own devices and went back to the couch. Castle had asked them to come to the Hamptons about a week after Charlie had moved in, and at first Kate was worried that it would throw her off. But Castle said they didn't leave until the end of the month, which would give Charlie time to settle in more, and give Kate time to think it over. Kate couldn't keep the secret for more than a week, and Charlie was thrilled about the idea, or so she said.

She was very perceptive, and knew that, even under Kate's obvious anxiety, she really wanted to go. And Charlie felt like she had inconvenienced Kate enough, without making her stay in the city instead of take a vacation. She was nervous about meeting Alexis for the first time, but she'd done harder things. She could suck this up too.

It didn't hurt (much) that Kate felt an intense desire to purchase her everything she could possibly need for the beach and then some. Charlie felt a little guilty that Kate was spending so much money on her, but she hadn't been _really_ shopping in so long that the niceness of it all glossed over a bit of that.

They got the dress, a cover-up outfit (consisting of navy and coral baja sweater and coral cutoffs), four adorable bikinis, sandals, flip flops, a neon pink and purple windbreaker for sailing, some lace-up rainboots (by Betsey Johnson!), three pairs of running shorts, six basic tees, five blouses, three striped skater skirts, and four PJ sets of her very own.

Charlie had talked Kate out of a new suitcase, mostly because she didn't _need_ one, but also because the duffel belonged to her dad. And she wanted to keep him close to her. Especially in this new, scary situation with strangers and barely-not-strangers. She grasped her locket in her left hand and squinched her eyes closed.

"Please look after me," she whispered to the ceiling. Then the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," she told Kate.

Checking the peephole to confirm that it was Castle, Charlie unhooked the deadbolt and opened the door. "Hey, Castle," she said softly. "Kate's just getting ready."

"I'm ready," Kate said from behind her, wheeling her suitcase around the corner.

"Charlie, where's your bag? I'll carry it down for you." Castle asked.

"It's over here, the big green one." Charlie pointed to it, and grabbed her backpack herself. "Thanks."

"No problem," he said, easily hoisting the duffel over a shoulder. "The other ladies are in the car. Beckett, you're in the back with the girls. Is that okay?"

Kate was prepared for a snippy jibe, but Castle's face was so earnest that she reconsidered. "Yeah, that's great! I'll sit in the middle, between my two favorites," she said with a wink at Charlie.

Charlie and Castle waited for Kate to lock up, and then they took the elevator down to the lobby, where Castle's SUV was idling.

"I thought you just had the Ferrari," Kate said questioningly.

"On family trips, we've got to haul out the maximum capacity vehicles," he said in a hokey Texan accent. "This model right here holds ten times the amount that the convertible does."

Kate nodded in amusement, and climbed into the car. Charlie shyly followed after her, clutching her backpack for dear life.

"Hey, Lex," she said to the redheaded teen on her left. "Hi, Martha!" She said to the woman in the front seat. They both returned the greetings.

"Kate, darling, we're all so thrilled you could join us," Martha said enthusiastically. "And you as well, Charlie! I'm very pleased to finally make your acquaintance."

"You too," Charlie answered meekly.

"It's nice to meet you, Charlie," Alexis said, leaning slightly across Kate.

"Yeah, you too," Charlie answered. "Thanks for letting me crash."

"Yeah, both of us," Kate added, trying to help Charlie feel less like an outsider.

"Nonsense, kiddos," Martha cried from the front. "You both are most welcome."

"Shall we on?" Castle asked dramatically as he loaded the last bag and hopped into the driver's seat.

"Hamptons or bust!" Alexis and Martha cried. The three of them laughed hysterically, and Charlie and Kate shared an uncomfortable look.

Hopefully, they thought, they'd start getting it. And soon.


	5. Tessellation

this chapter, i think, took a totally different turn than what i was expected, but i suppose i should know better than to plan ahead ;) i hope you enjoy it! i will say that i haven't experienced this fear of being who i am, but i do know the fear of not fitting in, and i understand the feeling of being so vastly different from the perceived notion of who you should be, especially in this way. so...i hope you all can relate, or at least try to.

as you know, nothing you recognize belongs to me.

playlist (a little schizophrenic, mea culpa):

1. rum and coca-cola - the andrews sisters  
2. tomorrow - avril lavigne  
3. the sound of silence [simon & garfunkel cover] - kina grannis  
4. you are my baby - kimya dawson  
5. wrung & possibly broken - kindlewood  
6. love just is - hilary duff

love and light, y'all.

* * *

**tessellation** /ˌtɛsəˈleɪʃən/ _n_. 1) shapes that fill a plane completely with no gaps or overlaps; _pieces __that __fit __perfectly __together_.

* * *

"I'm really glad you're coming to the Hamptons with us, Kate," Alexis said softly, so as not to wake up Charlie, who'd fallen asleep about an hour into the three-hour drive.

"I'm glad I'm going this time."

"It's my favorite place. It's much more homey than the loft."

"Really?" Kate shook her head. "The loft feels..." She flushed, embarrassed to admit that the Castles' loft felt more like home to her than anywhere had in a long time.

Alexis smiled faintly, acknowledging what the other woman couldn't. "I think you'll see what I mean. Compared to Poe Pond, the loft feels like an iceberg."

"Poe Pond?" Kate furrowed her brow.

"The name of the Hamptons house." Alexis grinned. "Everybody names houses up there."

"Oh. Hey, Alexis..."

"Yeah?"

"You're...okay, with Charlie coming with me? I mean, it's all a bit sudden and I know I'm already intruding on your time with your family and-"

Alexis nodded. "Of course. She's your daughter. And it's not like it's forever, it's just a few weeks." Kate smiled tightly, but Alexis didn't seem to notice. "We'll be fine, I'm sure."

"Good. And...thanks," Kate said quietly.

"Hey," Alexis said fiercely. "The rule you made about thanks? It goes both ways, you know."

Kate squeezed Alexis' arm lightly. "I'm gonna nap. You in?"

"Maybe I'll fall asleep listening to my music," Alexis said softly, putting in her earbuds.

Kate nodded as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back.

* * *

When she woke up, they were headed down an open road lined with opulent mansions.

"Are we almost there?" She asked Castle, a hint of excitement in her voice.

"Yup! This is our street," he answered, finding her eyes in the rearview.

Kate turned to Charlie and began to gently shake her awake. "Charlie," she whispered in her ear. "We're here."

Charlie mumbled something unintelligible and brought up a fist to rub her eyes. Kate leaned the other way to wake up Alexis, but she was already up and wrapping her headphones around her iPod.

"Land ho!" Castle said, pulling into a long drive in front of a Georgian-inspired estate home. Kate gazed up in awe at the house (if it could even be called that), which appeared to have at least three stories, and probably even had _wings_. Alexis smiled, and giggled a little at Kate's expression.

"Isn't it cool?" She asked her friend.

Kate gave her a look. "It's amazing," she sputtered.

Both teens got out of the car, and Alexis held her door open to let Kate out. Charlie was still stumbling around half-asleep, and Martha put an arm around her as she got out of the car.

"Come on, darling, let's go get a snack," she said warmly.

Charlie smiled tiredly, and allowed the matriarch to lead her inside.

"Alexis, will you-" Castle began, but was cut off by his daughter's shriek.

"Tucker! Libby!"

Alexis dashed across the street to a red Ferrari very similar to her father's own. Two teenagers stepped out of the car. Both were a few years older than Alexis. The girl wrapped her arms around Alexis and began to squeal and bounce them up and down. The boy looked on with amusement.

"Who are they?" Kate asked Castle, leaning on the car by the open hatch.

He answered as he lifted out Alexis' suitcase. "Tucker Bryant and Libby Vaughn. They live here. Tucker and Libby have been the teenage 'it-couple' in Southampton for a good few years, but they've always been best friends, and good friends of Alexis in the summer. Tucker goes to Cornell now, actually, and Libby goes to NYU, so the three of them see a bit more of each other."

Kate smiled, and reached in the car to unload her own bag. "It's nice that she has some friends here. How long have you guys been coming up?"

"Well, I bought this house years ago to impress Meredith, and we actually got married up here on the beach. When we were still together, we brought Alexis up here a lot. But she left us when Alexis was a toddler, and I was so angry that I wanted to sell. I brought Alexis up here one last time, to get the place in order, but I lost my nerve when I saw how happy she was on the beach." He paused as he heaved Martha's trunk from the back of the car.

When he caught his breath again, he continued. "I knew that I could downsize, and get rid of a house with so many bad feelings, but you really can't beat this location. We're right on the water, we have our own stretch of beach, and we have a private pool on top of that. So I figured that she and I and Mother could make our own good memories, to replace the bad ones."

"And have you?"

Castle looked over to Kate, shocked and mock-offended, and discovered the smirk on her face that told him she was just teasing. "Laser tag in the backyard, movie nights in the theater, diving contests, bonfires, camp-outs...we've pretty much done it all."

"So what's the plan for this month?" She asked him challengingly. "It better live up to your hype, considering I've taken off all this work..."

"Oh, don't you worry," he assured her. "This will be the best time you've ever had. I guarantee," he said in a fake-Cajun accent. She rolled her eyes, but quirked a half-smile that made Castle outright beam.

They dragged the luggage inside, Alexis jogging back from across the street to grab her own bag to help out. Kate carried Charlie's duffel and her own suitcase, and Castle dragged both his bag and Martha's rolling trunk.

"How are Tucker and Libby?" Castle asked Alexis.

"They're great," she enthused. "They have some sort of function tonight, but I'm gonna go over there tomorrow to hang out and sunbathe and stuff," she said.

Kate knew it wasn't her place to say anything, but she secretly hoped Alexis might ask Charlie to come along. She wanted Charlie to feel welcomed, not encroaching. Luckily, Castle jumped in, so she didn't have to.

"Alexis, why don't you ask Charlie if she'd be interested in going with you? I'm sure she'd like to meet your friends," Castle nudged gently.

Kate rejoiced at the fact that Alexis was one of the most agreeable kids ever, because she said, "Sure, Dad. I'll ask."

Alexis went into the house first, and Kate grabbed Castle above the elbow. "Thank you, Castle," she whispered sincerely.

"Don't mention it. I want Charlie to feel welcome just as much as you do."

Kate was awestruck once again when they stepped into the foyer. Clean, cool, white and gray marble lined the entry, and a magnificent double staircase led up to the second level.

"I figured we'd put you and Charlie in the west wing, with the two guest rooms on the second floor. Alexis, Mother, and I are all on the second floor also, but in the east wing. Is that alright with you?" Castle asked.

"Fine, fine," Kate said dreamily. Everything was in shades of blue or white, which created a clean, airy, and allover beach-like feel to the space. She looked straight between the staircases to the two-story great room, which was appointed with cushy upholstered club chairs and a cozy fireplace.

"Because there's another master on this floor, which you're more than welcome to. I just figured you might want to be near Char-"

"Castle!" Kate was aware now, and her voice was a bit sharp. "It's perfect. Thank you."

Castle grinned. "Okay, great! I'll show you to your room. Follow me!"

Kate shook her head, grabbed her and Charlie's bags, and headed up the left staircase in hot pursuit of her partner. She chased him down the hall and through a pair of french doors that led into a room lined with windows. There were two windows on each exterior wall, and the light the flooded into the room made Kate's heart sing.

"Oh, Castle," she murmured. "It's beautiful."

A gray rattan headboard covered the far wall, in front of which was a bed covered in plush, crisp, white and lilac linens. The duvet was white, with a scalloped edge done in lavender. A waffle-knit blanket in pale plum draped the foot of the bed, and Kate felt a strong urge to wrap herself in it and rock in the white wicker chair in the corner, sitting in a perfect shaft of afternoon sun. The purple and white gingham romans had already been raised, and the sunwashed linen curtains were open to let in as much light as the room could stand.

"It's perfect," she added.

"I'm glad," he said. "I figured we'd get dinner around six, so you've got a couple hours to unpack, hang out, do whatever..."

"Thanks," she said with a smile. "Now get out."

He saluted her. "Roger that, 10-4."

Once he turned his back, Kate let out a small chuckle. She shook her head as she hoisted her suitcase up onto the bed and began to unpack. All of her stuff - suitcase included - fit in the spacious walk-in closet with plenty of room to spare. Having finished her self-appointed task, Kate meandered back downstairs to find Charlie and Martha. She'd placed Charlie's bag outside the other door on her way down, but hadn't gone inside yet.

"Zizi, this stuff is amazing!" Kate heard Charlie exclaim as she got closer to the kitchen. "What is it?"

"Homemade raspberry and lemon jam," an unfamiliar voice answered. Kate stepped into the kitchen to see Charlie with a sticky red spoon, Martha with a bag of graham crackers and a chocolate bar, and a tall, ebony-colored woman wearing a plain dress and a colorful apron.

"Kate!" Charlie said, noticing her in the doorway. "We were wondering where you were."

Kate smiled. "I was wondering where you were," she threw the statement back. "Castle took me to my room and I unpacked. You're in the room next to me."

Charlie nodded. "Cool, I'll go up in a bit."

"Kate, darling, join us in feasting upon this extraordinary creation!" Martha commanded, pulling out the stool on the other side of her. "This is our housekeeper, Aziza, and she is the best chef in all the Hamptons," she announced.

"Oh, Miss Martha, that is certainly untrue," Zizi said blushingly. "You may call me Zizi," she said, sticking out her hand.

Kate smiled as she shook it. "I'm Kate, it's nice to meet you."

Zizi nodded. "Alright, Miss Charlie, you take those crackers and spread them with the jam. Miss Martha, you and Miss Kate break up the chocolate and put it on the crackers. I will put them on the cookie sheets and put them in the oven," she directed.

Everyone did their tasks, with Charlie and Kate surreptitiously trying to lick their fingers, and Martha using up multiple napkins to wipe hers off. Once the last pan was under the broiler, Castle came in, searching after the smell.

"Mister Ricky!" Zizi greeted him, as he wrapped her in a bear hug. "How are you?"

"Starving to know what is baking," he replied.

"Jam and chocolate crackers," Zizi told him. "They'll be a few minutes, until the chocolate melts. Where is Miss Alexis?"

"I think she's in her room," Castle said.

"No, I'm not," she answered from behind him. "Hi, Zizi!"

Zizi hugged Alexis too, and the timer went off on the oven. "Ah, ah, watch out," she warned, pulling on an oven mitt and taking the pans from the the hotbox. Castle went to grab an oozing graham, but Zizi batted his hand away. "Not yet, Mister Ricky, let them cool down."

After a few minutes, Zizi allowed everyone to take a cracker from the cooling rack. The chocolate had hardened slightly, which formed a barrier on top of the jam. Combined with the graham on the bottom, the treat, when bitten into, was the perfect ratio of crunchy and gooey.

Everyone praised Zizi and her wonderful dessert, and Castle informed her that she had the night off. She told everyone that she'd be back in the morning, and went off to do whatever she pleased. Castle took that as a sign to get everyone ready for dinner. He wouldn't tell Charlie and Kate where they were headed - he wouldn't tell Martha or Alexis, either, but they seemed to know anyway - merely telling them to trust him, and that they'd love it.

* * *

They were all dressed very casually, in jeans and t-shirts mostly, except for Martha, who was "dressed down" in a tangerine paisley jumpsuit. Castle made sure they all wore shoes appropriate for walking, for walk they did. They walked all the way up Gin Lane (a fair way), and then turned on the corner of Squabble.

"I don't see much in the way of dining options, Castle," Kate said skeptically.

"You'll see," he teased. Dutifully, the ladies followed him, as he walked over to a rickety deck-like contraption. "Here we are!" He announced.

"Chewy's!" Alexis said happily.

"The best clams in town," Castle informed the newcomers. "Of course, there are other things, too, like fish, chicken, hot dogs, grilled cheese, burgers, lobster rolls -"

"We come here pretty much all the time when we're up here," Alexis added. "It's the best place to just sit and relax."

"Alexis, why don't you and Charlie pick a table? Beckett, Mother, and I will go order," Castle half-suggested. "Just tell us what you want."

Alexis said, "I'll get my usual."

"I'll have a lobster roll, if you think they're good," Charlie said.

"They're awesome," Castle assured her. "Good choice. And Alexis, you want fries with your clam cake?"

Alexis nodded, but Charlie asked, "Does my thing come with something?"

"Fries, unless you want something else."

"Onion rings, if they have them," Charlie requested. Castle nodded and smiled as the three grownups walked off. Alexis walked away, and Charlie followed quietly after.

"Alexis?" Charlie questioned, when they'd selected a corner table closest to the edge of the deck. "Is it okay that I came on this trip?"

Alexis nodded. "Sure it is!"

"Because, well...I know you like Kate, or are, like, friendly with her, but I know that you don't know me that well and I know it's your family vacation and I'm sorry that I just kinda...showed up," Charlie said in a rush.

Alexis looked hard at her. "I think we can be friends, too."

Charlie grinned. "Really? I'd like that," she whispered.

"Really. And I'm going over to my friend's house tomorrow to tan and swim, if you wanna come too," Alexis offered.

"Sounds like fun!" Charlie said.

"Alright, kiddos," Martha said, walking over with a tray. "Clam cake and fries for Alexis, lobster roll and onion rings for Charlie, and a pint of scallops for Mama!"

"I got a burger, and Beckett got a ½ pint each of shrimp and clams," Castle said, as they walked over. "We also got water and lemonade for everyone," he announced, handing off the drinks.

"This lemonade is great," Charlie said. "Thank you so much, guys."

"No problem," Castle answered before Beckett could admonish her.

The five of them had a lovely time, laughing and eating as if they'd been doing it forever. Castle grew enamored with Charlie's quick wit, and Kate grew enamored of the fact that Castle was growing enamored of Charlie. Martha adored Kate, and adored Charlie by association, and Alexis was happy that her family seemed happy.

* * *

The next day, Charlie and Alexis headed over to Tucker's house after breakfast. Libby greeted them at the door.

"Tucker's already outside, so we can just go out," she told them. "Hi, I'm Libby," she said to Charlie.

"I'm Charlie," she responded.

"Charlie's my dad's partner, Kate's, daughter," Alexis said, giving Libby a little more information.

"It's nice to make your acquaintance," Libby said politely, as they climbed the open staircase to the second level and the pool deck.

Stepping out onto the balcony, Charlie marveled at the view, and the rows upon rows of pristine white chaise lounges. A teen boy was reclining on one under a large canopy, with a fluffy yellow towel on the chair next to him. Libby sat on that one, while Alexis set up on the chair next to Tucker, and Charlie set up on the other side of Libby.

As Alexis greeted Tucker and then popped on her shades and popped in her earbuds, Libby turned to Charlie. "Let me get to know you better," she demanded. "Where are you from?"

"New York City, by way of Tenafly, by way of New York City," Charlie said.

"Huh?"

"Sorry, long story...the short version of which is, I was born in New York, and then my family moved to Tenafly, which is where I lived until about six months ago. What about you?"

"I'm from New York, too...I lived there with my mom, Elyse, until I was seven. Then she met Anna, and the rest is kinda...history."

"You have two moms?" Charlie's breath caught, and she stared wide-eyed at Libby.

"Yeah, you have a problem with that?" Libby began to get defensive, but softened considerably when she noticed the faint glimmer of tears beginning in Charlie's eyes and her fervent head-shaking. "Hey, sorry. Let's take a walk, okay?" Her motherly instincts took over as she rose from her chaise and placed a gentle hand on Charlie's shoulder. Charlie stiffened noticeably, but followed Libby down the steps to the private beach.

"What's going on?" Alexis pulled out an earbud to question Tucker, but he shrugged his shoulders and they let them go.

* * *

"What's going on?" Libby gently asked Charlie.

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked back.

"No one gets emotional - except in a bad way - over my moms without a reason. So, spill."

"I don't know," Charlie said softly, avoiding eye contact.

"How long have you known?" Libby asked. Charlie stopped and looked up, terrified.

"Known what? I don't know a-anything!"

"It's okay, Charlie. Really," Libby put a hand on the other girl's shoulder. "Is it because of your parents?"

"My parents are dead," she whispered.

"But I thought...isn't Kate your mom?"

Charlie shook her head. "Yes, she is, biologically. But...I was adopted. My-" She began to shake, unable to continue.

Libby bit her lip. "Okay, well...have you talked at all to Kate about this?"

"No, I can't! I can't tell anybody!"

"Hey, calm down. No one's gonna hurt you," Libby promised.

"H-Someone...already did." Charlie looked as astounded at her admission as Libby.

"Are you serious?" Libby asked quietly.

Charlie's lip trembled, and she slowly nodded yes. "He didn't really know, but neither did I...and I...I-"

"Hey. Charlie," Libby said firmly, making Charlie look her in the eye. "Let's get you home, okay?"

Charlie nodded mutely, and let Libby lead her back upstairs. Libby packed up her own stuff, and then help Charlie pack up her own. Libby whispered something in Tucker's ear, and he looked worried, but didn't ask any questions.

As Charlie followed Libby across the street, she made a soft query. "Libby?" She asked. "Could I...meet them? Your...moms?"

"I'm sure they'd love to meet you," Libby said kindly.

"I don't think I want to ask them questions, I just...want to see them," Charlie said lamely.

"Whatever you want, Charlie," Libby assured her. She told Charlie that she'd text her with details once she talked to her parents. Charlie gave her a weak smile and a thank you, to which Libby replied, "Don't mention it."

* * *

Charlie slipped upstairs to her room without much fuss. She grabbed Norman and the turquoise, fuchsia, and jungle green quilt off of her bed and curled up in the wingback by the window. She desperately wanted to cry; to get rid of all the tension behind her eyebrows and in the base of her skull. But she had forced herself _not_ to cry for so long, that forcing herself _to_ cry was no longer an option.

So she buried her face into Norman, inhaling his mixed scent of her shampoo, cinnamon sugar, and love. She clenched her fists, folded her knees up underneath her chin, and shut her eyes tight. And though she hadn't been sung to sleep in a very long time, she softly mumbled a lullaby as she gave in to her body and passed out.

* * *

Charlie awoke, hours later, to a knock on her door. "C'm'in," she rasped thickly.

"Hey," Alexis whispered, poking her head through the crack between the door and the jamb. "Do you feel like talking?"

"Not really," Charlie muttered. "But come in anyway."

Alexis entered, and lighted on the bed like a timid butterfly. "I...what happened, today?"

"I-"

"Because you were fine and then you talked to Libby and all of a sudden you were totally upset and she took you home and she wouldn't tell us anything because she said it was for you to tell us and not the other way around and I just...we're friends, aren't we?"

"Do you wanna be?" Charlie asked, rather shyly.

"Well, yeah! I mean, with you living with Kate...we're gonna see a lot of each other, and it would be better to be friends than enemies, right?"

Charlie examined Alexis' face closely to see if she was lying or not. Determining the latter, Charlie leaned in to her. "Can you keep a secret?"

Alexis' eyes were serious. "As long as it doesn't hurt anyone."

Charlie nodded, and looked down. "Alexis, I...I don't really know how to say this. I mean, I've never told anyone. Libby knows, but she guessed. And I...I didn't want it to be true for so long, because I thought things would get even worse. And bad things have happened because of this, but, I don't know, somehow things feel different now. I...I'm...I like...girls," Charlie's voice grew progressively softer until she was barely saying anything at all. "And I'm terrified."

Alexis didn't say anything, and merely wrapped Charlie in a hug. Charlie gripped her tightly, holding on for dear life. "I...I don't..."

"It's okay," Alexis soothed. She didn't really know what Charlie needed or wanted, and she herself had no idea how to handle this kind of situation. But she knew that when she was upset, she just wanted to be held. So she hugged Charlie, and gently ran her fingers through Charlie's tangled curls. "It's okay."

After a while, Alexis began to slowly pull away, and Charlie jerked back into her seat. "Thanks," she said, in an embarrassed whisper.

"Don't mention it," Alexis assured her. "Are you gonna-"

"I was gonna tell her tonight," Charlie said in a rush.

"I was going to ask if you were okay," Alexis laughed. "But," she said seriously, "that's really good. I think that's a good idea."

Charlie nodded. "I just..." Charlie didn't know what to say. _'__If __she __wants __me __gone__, __I __don__'__t __want __to __stay __here __longer __than __I __have __to__.'_

"I get it," Alexis said. "You don't wanna keep it inside anymore."

Charlie sighed quietly. "Yeah, exactly."

Alexis smiled, pleased they were understanding each other so well. "Well, I'm gonna go shower and stuff. Dad said he was gonna order in pizza or something, if that's okay with you. Then maybe we'll watch a movie while we eat."

Charlie nodded her assent. "I'll put on some real clothes. Good...talk," she finished awkwardly.

"Yeah!" Alexis said brightly as she left.

"Yeah," Charlie muttered sadly.

* * *

Charlie messed around in her closet, looking for a comfortable, yet attractive, outfit to wear downstairs. She ended up choosing a pale mint green tee and a frond-print pair of shorts in the same color. She flipped her head over and bent at the waist to gather her hair up in a sloppy topknot.

She left her room just as Kate was leaving hers. "Hey, kid," Kate said softly. "You look cute!"

Blushing, Charlie mumbled a "Thanks."

"Why didn't you tell us you were home?" Kate asked as she slung an arm around Charlie's shoulders. "We could've hung out or somethin'."

"I was tired," Charlie said truthfully. "I didn't really feel up to anything."

"You feelin' okay, sweetie?" Kate asked in concern. "You feel kinda warm," she said, after feeling Charlie's forehead and cheeks.

"Probably because I've been asleep," Charlie assured, trying to ease Kate's worry.

Kate nodded and didn't say anything more. Charlie felt a burning tingle in her nose at the protective treatment, and the all-encompassing fear that it might soon be over forever.

Charlie tried her best to be agreeable about everything - the movie, the pizza, the place she sat in the theater. While Martha, Castle, Alexis, and even Kate were laughing and making conversation during the movie, Charlie sat quietly in her reclinable seat, only speaking up to ask for another slice of pizza or can of soda. When the credits rolled, Kate bent in front of Charlie's chair.

"Hey, Charlie, what's the matter?" Kate asked, squatting and placing her hands on Charlie's thighs for support.

"Can we talk privately? Like, in your room, maybe?"

Kate nodded, apprehension crossing her face. "Let's go," she said, standing and offering her hand for Charlie to take.

Charlie followed Kate silently up the two flights of stairs to the first guest room.

"What's up, Charlie?" Kate said, sitting on her bed. Charlie stood in front of her.

"I don't...I'm not good at just, like, saying things," Charlie said, her voice gravely with frustration.

"It's okay," Kate said calmly. "Take your time."

"When I was...living in the Bowery, I stayed at the mission." Kate nodded, so Charlie went on. "After Lucy...died, a new girl took her bed. Her name was Marie. And she was...she was really nice to me. When I hurt my hand, she fixed it. And, like, I'd help her with her homework, and stuff. We were, like, friends. Not like me and Lucy, I mean...Lucy and me were like, I don't know, like sisters. I could tell her anything, and it went both ways. And she took care of me. But I still liked Marie, and she was nice and stuff."

Charlie knew she was taking forever, and she wanted to just spit it out, but Kate didn't seem to mind. "Anyway, one day, I was helping Marie with Algebra. And she had this shampoo that smelled like Hawaii, and I was being stupid, but I...kissed her," Charlie said in a tiny voice, pink coloring her nose and cheeks. "And I told her I liked her, because I did, but that's...what got me kicked out. And then I came to live with you, which you know, obviously, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that, like, the thing with Marie wasn't a fluke or whatever. That's how I feel, all the time. That's how I've always felt. And that's why Brian-well, anyway. So, I'm...I mean, I like...goddamn it!" Charlie yelled. "Ugh, I'm like, gay, or whatever." Charlie turned her feet inwards, and stared at the floor. She twisted her lower lip with her teeth in nervous anticipation of her verdict.

Kate was silent. She didn't know what to say. "Okay?" She said in question form. She didn't really understand why this was such a big deal. She _did_, because it was a big thing to...be. There were implications and laws and trials and thankfully New York just passed the gay marriage bill, or they would have their hands full of pissed-off homicide detective. "I mean, okay," she said, with more authority.

"So, I'll just leave, then," Charlie said quietly, edging her way to the door. "I should be gone before you wake up."

"Hey, what?" Kate asked. She ran to Charlie and tackled her in a hug. "You're not going anywhere. You're _my __kid_, and that's not gonna change just because you love differently."

Charlie felt all of her emotions explode in her chest at once. Her shoulders vibrated as her body shook with sobs. Kate held on to her as tightly as she felt like she could without crushing her daughter's ribcage. "Baby girl," Kate breathed into her hair. "It's okay. I love you, it's okay." She murmured those words over and over, and as Charlie cried, Kate slowly pulled them both towards the bed, sat, and put Charlie on her lap.

"You don't hate me?" Charlie asked timidly when she finally calmed, still not making eye contact.

"I couldn't hate you if my life depended on it," Kate promised. "You're my baby, and I will love you forever."

Charlie buried her face in Kate's collarbone. "I love you too," she said. Kate understood, even though her voice was muffled, and tears pricked her own eyes. She kissed Charlie's head, and hugged her close.

"I'm sleepy," Charlie said quietly, when they'd sat like that for a long time.

"You've had a lot of excitement today," Kate said. "Can I come with you?"

Charlie was confused, but agreed anyway. They walked over to Charlie's room, and Kate followed her in.

"I'm gonna brush my teeth and stuff, and I'll be back," Charlie said, grabbing a pair of pajamas from her drawer. When she closed the bathroom door, Kate turned the covers of the bed down. She placed Norman in the center of the pillows, and sat at the corner of the bed. When Charlie came out a few minutes later, with a freshly scrubbed face and PJs on, she smiled nervously at Kate.

"Hi," she giggled.

"Hi," Kate said back. Charlie crawled into her bed, and Kate drew up the covers around her. Charlie snuggled down under the covers, and then stuck out her left leg and bent it around the blankets. Kate wrinkled her eyebrows and shot Charlie an amused questioning look.

"I get hot," she answered.

"Okay," Kate shrugged. She bent down and kissed Charlie's forehead. "Sleep tight, baby," she whispered.

"Goodnight," Charlie said. She paused for a minute. "Mom."

Kate was at the door, and turned around with tears in her eyes. "I love you," she said, her voice cracking.

"Love you too," Charlie mumbled, already drifting off. Kate flicked off the lights and left the room.

* * *

Kate paced her room for the better part of an hour. She'd Googled, Binged, and Yahoo! Answered everything she could possibly think of to find out more about how to deal with the situation. Not that it was a situation, but she didn't feel anything, and she didn't know if that was normal or if she should be happy or sad or whatever, much less what Charlie might need or want from her, or not from her, or _something_.

Kate tangled her fingers in her loose waves in frustration. She read what felt like hundreds of articles on having gay children, some helpful, but some causing her blood to boil over with rage. There was even an article suggesting that if you set up your supposedly-gay daughter with a "transvestite," she would be instantly cured. One article suggested that she would feel better if she talked to a close friend, and so, feeling out of options, she walked out of her room and down the hall.

"Castle?" She asked quietly as she rapped on the door. It was past midnight, and she didn't want to wake others up.

"Beckett?" He questioned sleepily, opening the door a crack. "What's wrong?"

"Can we talk?" She asked.

He opened the door fully and let her in, turning on a lamp as they got to the sitting area. Each sank into a cushy, leather club chair, and Kate pulled her knees to her chest as Castle crossed his right leg over his bent left knee.

"What's up?" He asked with concern.

"Charlie's gay," Kate burst out.

Castle looked at her, a little taken aback, but otherwise neutral. "Okay..."

"That's how I felt! I mean, that's how I feel! Ugh, I don't care, but should I care? Or, maybe it's like I do care, but I feel like I shouldn't? I don't know how to deal with this, Castle! She's only really been my daughter for a month, and already there's this major crisis that I don't know if I'm handling right at all, and, well, you've had a fifteen-year old, so I guess I thought you could help me figure out what she wants from me?"

Castle stared at his partner, wide-eyed. "Um. That was a lot of words," he muttered. "I...don't really know, Kate. I mean, I'd be happy to try, but..."

"But you don't really know about this stuff," Kate finished. "Yeah."

She looked and felt defeated, and Castle's face fell in sympathy. "I think Alexis would just want me to be supportive. To not try and be the 'cool dad' about it and talk about girls all the time, but just...be her dad. Treat her exactly the same as I always have."

Kate looked up. "You're a great dad, Castle...cool or not. I hope I'm as good a mom," she said quietly.

"Oh, Kate..." Castle murmured. "You're already a great mom. You were there for Charlie when she needed you-"

"Yeah, after sitting around on my ass forever!" Kate yelled. "Jesus, why didn't I just go for it? You would've gone for it!"

"Beckett..."

"No, Castle! You would've done everything you could for her the moment you met. Me? It took me weeks to even figure out what she'd been telling me all along, and then even _more_ time after that to get her to move in with me! I'm not cut out for this!"

"Hey!" Castle got up and put his arms on Kate's shoulders, bending over so their faces were level. "You _are_ cut out for this. You are Kate Beckett, dammit! You are the youngest homicide detective in the NYPD, and the best one to boot - not even mentioning that you're the first female detective to get to Level 2! You're the face of the 12th precinct, partly thanks to me," he grinned cockily, making Kate laugh, "but mostly because of the amazing woman _you_ _are_! You're my partner, my friend...Kate, you're my-"

Castle paused. Kate looked up at him through her lashes. "What _am_ I to you, Rick?"

Rick stared at her, hazel eyes golden with passion. His ice-blue eyes melted as their mouths collided, flesh and tongues meeting in a battle they'd been waiting years to fight.

Rick pulled back so Kate could stand up, but Kate's head bumped against Rick's chin. "Oh," she groaned.

"Sorry," he whispered softly.

They kissed again, awkwardly waltzing backwards until Rick's knees bent as they hit his bed. Kate toppled forward, her chest landing on Rick's face.

"Mmph," he mumbled. Kate giggled at the vibrations, but she rolled off him so he could breathe. "Thanks," he muttered, grouchy at being removed from the soft mounds.

"Maybe we should cut this short for tonight?" Kate ask-suggested, not wanting to leave, but also not wanting to make things more uncomfortable than they already were.

Rick grabbed her wrist. "Maybe we should just try sleeping together before we try _sleeping_ _together_," he said, wiggling his eyebrows lasciviously as he added emphasis to the phrase.

Kate giggled. "Okay," she agreed, falling onto the bed beside him. The covers were rumpled from where he'd been lying, so Rick just pulled them back up over top of them both. Kate slid her head into the crook of his neck and wrapped the hem of his jersey t-shirt around her hand. Rick slid his hand up the back of her oversized tee and caressed the smooth, toned curves of her back. She wrapped a leg around his, and contentedly inhaled his scent of apples and new leather. Rick breathed in her hair, which smelled of cherries and sunshine. He was beginning to drift, thinking of summers in Michigan, when Kate whispered in his ear.

"Are you my boyfriend?" She sing-songed, drawing out the vowels.

"If you're my girlfriend," he answered.

"Okay, Ricky. I'll be your girlfriend. Always."

Rick smiled, and kissed her head. "Always."

* * *

Light was just beginning to filter through the curtains in Poe Pond's master suite when Rick's eyes opened on Wednesday morning. Something smelled amazing beneath his nose, and his left side was tingly with numbness. His eyes traveled down his body to the top of Kate's head, her slightly open mouth as she slept, and her body still curled lovingly around his. He slowly eased out from underneath her, replacing his form in her arms with a pillow from his side of the bed. After taking care of business in the bathroom, he crept down the hall to Alexis' room.

Rick slowly turned the knob, and braced his elbow against the jamb so the door wouldn't squeak as he pulled it open. He tiptoed into the east-facing room, already bright and warm with the summer sun. Alexis snorted and rolled over, and Rick smiled as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Alexis," he whispered. Bringing his hand up, he began rubbing her raised shoulder. "Hey, pumpkin," he murmured.

"Dad?" She asked groggily. He put a hand to her cheek, rosy and hot with sleep, and rubbed his thumb lovingly across the apple.

"Morning," he said.

"Morning," she answered, but her eyebrows were up.

"Can I lay with you?" He asked. "I wanna talk to you about something."

"Okay," she muttered, rolling over so he could slide under her flowered quilt. Rick put his arm around Alexis as she rolled over to rest her head on his chest, comforted by his deep, even breaths. His other hand came up to comb gently through her hair.

"You know you're always gonna be my number one girl, right?" He asked.

"Daddy," she said, with an exasperated tone perfected by teenage girls the world over. "We've had this conversation _so_ many times."

"We have?" He asked, surprised.

"Yes," she groaned, rolling her eyes. "Every time you start dating someone-"

"Oh," he said sadly, the wind leaving his sails.

"I like Kate," Alexis continued. "Do you think-"

"I don't know," Rick cut her off. He shook his head, and then nodded. "But...maybe. Yes. I don't know."

"Okay. Just...when you ask her? Will you let me know?"

"Sure, pumpkin," he answered. "You'll be the first person I tell."

"And...what about Charlie?" Alexis asked quietly.

Rick took in a deep breath. "I've never married a woman who had a child who wasn't mine," he said carefully. "But if Gina had had a child of her own, I would've tried to treat him or her the way I treat you."

Alexis didn't know how to respond to that. She knew that it was the right answer, but it didn't sit right with her. But she knew that her dad would feel guilty if he knew how she was feeling, so she kept it to herself.

"Tell you what," he said. "Why don't we try it out tonight? The four of us, just hangin' out? Gram said she wanted to go to some kind of community theater thing in town that sounds dreadfully boring, so it'll just be us tonight anyway...how about mini-golf and froyo?"

Alexis gave Rick the best smile she could. "Sounds like a blast, Dad."

He grinned widely. "Great! I'll tell Beckett!"

Alexis couldn't help but really smile at her dad's enthusiasm as he skipped out of her room. But once he left, her face fell. She buried her face in the pillow and tried to go back to sleep.

"Maybe it'll all be a dream," she mumbled.

Alexis woke about an hour later to the wonderful scent of turkey bacon wafting upstairs. She rubbed her eyes and padded to the kitchen in her baby blue- and gray-striped long-sleeved henley and matching shorts. Zizi was frying the facon while Rick flipped some fluffy pancakes on the griddle.

"Morning," she said. Zizi said good morning and Rick came around to give her a kiss before going back to his cakes.

"Good morning, all," Martha said as she waltzed in. She took the stool next to Alexis and gave her granddaughter a good morning hug. Alexis smiled at her.

"Gram, do you want some coffee?" Alexis asked, getting up to pour her a mug.

"No, no, Miss Alexis, I'll do it," Zizi corrected. Alexis laughed an apology.

The Castle-Rodgers' were all giggling as Rick tried to flip pancakes from the griddle onto the plates. Then Kate walked into the kitchen, and the room went silent. Alexis watched her father carefully to see how he was going to act, and Martha watched her son and granddaughter carefully, wondering what was going on. Rick watched Kate carefully, and she watched him, each waiting for the other to make the first move. And then, like a switch had been flipped, they simultaneously moved towards each other. Rick dipped and Kate stretched and they met in the middle for a soft, good-morning kiss.

"Good morning," Kate murmured into Rick's lips. "Well, again."

"Yes," he husked. "Good morning again."

Alexis roughly hacked a triangle out of her pancakes with the side of her fork. Martha leaned over to her.

"Everything all right, darling?" She asked.

"Yeah, Gram," Alexis sighed. "Fine."

"Okay," Martha agreed, in a voice that not-so-subtly suggested that she didn't agree at all, and kissed Alexis' head before starting on her own breakfast.

Alexis was determined to not ruin this for her father, regardless of her own feelings. And she felt a little stupid, considering that she had pushed for this whole arrangement in the first place. But, her more childish side countered, that was _before_ she knew that Charlie would actually be in the picture. So what she had initially thought was a good idea was not actually what was happening in reality, so she had a right to be uncomfortable. Right? Right...maybe.

"Where's Charlie?" Rick asked Kate, once everyone had gotten their plates and began to eat.

"I went into her room when I was coming downstairs," Kate said. "I tried to wake her up, and she bit me!"

"Seriously," she said, at Rick and Martha's astonished faces, showing them her lightly bruised hand. "She was still asleep, I think, but she _really_ didn't wanna get up. So I guess she'll be up when she's ready."

"I'm up," Charlie mumbled as she entered the room. "Hi," she said in a gravelly voice. She plopped onto a stool on the opposite side of Kate and rested her head on her arms.

"Are you hungry, Miss Charlie?" Zizi asked her, holding a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of her.

Charlie nodded enthusiastically and moved her elbows so Zizi could put the plate down in front of her. "This is great," she said through a mouthful of food.

Everyone else took that as a cue to continue their own meals.

* * *

"Fore!" Rick called, drawing laughter and/or evil glares from other patrons of No Putts About It. His little orange ball bounced across the green and into the tunnel under the windmill.

Rick was the first player to go in their game of golf. Kate had nudged him forward with a teasing, "Age before beauty," when no one else had wanted to go first. The three girls stood behind him and watched as his ball sailed towards the opposite end of the patch of fake grass they had to putt on.

"A little too much wrist there, Castle," Kate observed mockingly.

Rick turned around. "Excuse me, but have you finished this course under par every year for the past fifteen years?"

"No, but-"

"And do you have some experience golfing with professionals who employ strategy in their courses, whether you may be able to tell initially or not?"

"_No_, but-"

"Ha! Then I would ask that you kindly zip it, and allow me to show you how it is done," Rick said smugly.

Kate stuck out her tongue at him, and made another face when he turned back around.

"He's very serious about putt-putt," Alexis whispered clandestinely.

"Obviously," Kate answered. "He's very serious about his little games in general, though, isn't he?"

"I heard that!" Rick huffed.

The girls giggled quietly to themselves, and let Rick putt.

"Is getting a double bogey part of your so-called strategy?" Kate teased, as Rick walked back to them, head hung in shame.

He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her to him, kissing her passionately and leaving her breathless.

"Ew, guys," Charlie whined.

Ignoring her, Kate gasped, "Wow," after Rick pulled away.

"Ha!" He cackled. "Your turn!"

She whacked him, but without much force. "Jerk," she muttered with a rueful smile.

Alexis and Charlie sat next to each other on a bench, watching their respective parents flirt across the green. They were switching off, and the girls were waiting for Kate and Rick to complete their turns.

"They look happy, don't they?" Charlie said to Alexis.

"Yeah...I guess they do," Alexis answered.

They each placed their chins on a fist and let out a small, sad sigh.


	6. Toska

hey, y'all. i'm posting this tonight because tomorrow, i get my wisdom teeth out! and i wanted to make sure you guys got your chapter this week. merry christmas, if you celebrate, and happy holidays to the rest of you!

i'm super un-thrilled with this chapter. it was by far the hardest to write, mostly because it's so angry. i hope you guys like this story enough to push through it and have faith that the next chapter will be less angst-ridden. major **tw** for talk of sexual and physical abuse.

playlist of pain:

1. little girl blue - diana krall  
2. runaway - cartel  
3. august moon - gregory and the hawk  
4. winter song - the head & the heart  
5. carry on - fun.

nothing belongs to me, etc.

* * *

**toska** /ˈtō-skə/ _n_. 1) ...a dull ache of the soul...the _desire __for_ _somebody_ or something specific...

* * *

Alexis opened her eyes, but didn't move. She lay there, unblinking, staring at the ceiling of her Tribeca bedroom. She took inventory of the sensations encompassing her. Her pillows cradled her head from all sides. Her body was warm, as she was wearing pajamas and tucked under the covers. Her heart hurt. She felt like she was floating, but not in the good, lovey-dovey, walking-on-air kind of way. It was more of a moonwalk, but her tether to the spaceship had snapped, and she was awash in a black sea with zero gravity and no one around to hold on to.

Ever since they'd returned from the Hamptons last week, Alexis had tried to get some alone time with her dad. But Kate and Charlie had come over for dinner five out of the six nights, and Rick's thoughts were almost always elsewhere. She had promised herself that she wouldn't try to sabotage her dad's relationship with Kate, but she couldn't help herself from feeling jealous and lonely and, most of all, forgotten.

She pulled herself up to a sitting position. "I'm gonna shower and get dressed, and then if he's downstairs, I'll ask if we can go school supply shopping today." Shopping for back-to-school stuff was sure to cheer her up. She didn't need clothes, because Marlowe was a uniform-only school, even for seniors, but her Gram would probably take her shopping for those anyway. But school supplies were always a thrilling thing to get - the right binders and dividers, the perfect pens, the sturdiest pads for notetaking and (sometimes) doodling. And Rick was, more often than not, willing to indulge in all of her idiosyncratic needs.

Feeling relaxed from her shower, and near giddy at the thought of new toys to play with, Alexis dried her hair as she walked downstairs with a spring in her step. Her father sat at the breakfast bar, reading the paper and slowly sipping his coffee.

"Good morning, Daddy," Alexis said sweetly, hopping onto the stool beside him.

"Morning, pumpkin," he responded, setting down the newspaper to smile at his daughter.

"Are you busy today?" She asked.

"Not really," he answered. "Why?"

"Well, as you know, school starts in a few weeks, and-"

"And you'd like ample time to get the perfect school supplies and set them up and pack them in your backpack before then," Rick finished.

"I think you're finally getting it!" Alexis teased.

"Well, if I'm gonna have to go through this torture again, maybe I should call Kate to come with us. You know, Charlie probably needs school supplies too, and it would be nice to have someone to talk to while I'm waiting for you to decide between black and blue ink," Rick mocked.

Alexis' face fell when he mentioned Kate. She didn't even respond to his ink joke. But Rick didn't notice. He grabbed his cell off the table and pressed Kate's name in his phone log.

"Hey, Beckett," he said. "Look, Alexis wants to go school supply shopping, and she's so particular about everything that I usually end up sitting by myself for hours waiting for her to be done, and since Charlie probably needs school stuff too, I figured you two might wanna tag along."

He paused, waiting for her response, and then said, "Okay, sure."

Alexis waited with bated breath, hoping that Charlie would say that she didn't want to come, or that she didn't need anything after all. But her father's face grew tense and concerned as Kate's garbled voice came through the speaker. Alexis wished she understood what was being said, but she was left in suspense as her father said, "I'll be right over," and ended the call.

"Dad, what-"

"I'm sorry, Alexis, but we can't go shopping today. Charlie hasn't gone to school here, and we've gotta find a school for her. I'm sorry," he reiterated as he grabbed his coat and left the loft.

"Yeah, me too," Alexis muttered sadly.

* * *

"I cannot believe this," Kate muttered. "How have you not been in school for _six _months?"

Charlie sat on the couch, watching Kate pace back and forth in front of her. "I mean, what the hell did you think I was doing, spending every day at the precinct?"

Kate opened her mouth to speak again, and then paused. Charlie was right. She should've asked her what was going on. "I...didn't think about it," Kate said lamely.

"Of course not, because the only time you care is when something affects _you_," Charlie said snidely. "I wasn't your daughter then, so of course it didn't matter."

"Hey!" Kate yelled, voice cracking. "That's not fair."

"Whatever," Charlie sassed. She didn't know where all of this anger was coming from. She didn't want to be in this room, in this building, in this _city_. She just wanted her family back. She wanted to go back to school with her friends, and not have to deal with any of this drama.

Kate sat in the Eames chair and faced it away from Charlie. Charlie still sat on the couch, knees tucked up under her chin. They sat in silence until there was a knock on the door.

Kate got up to answer the door, and exchanged a look with Rick as she let him in.

"Hi," Rick said to Charlie. She gave him a quick wave.

Rick pulled up a stool and sat next to Kate. "So, we need to find you a school," he said.

"I called Prep, I called WHSAD, I even called Stuy," Kate listed. "But no one will take her without parental approval, and we don't have time to get this all sorted out - we don't even know where Brian Wright is!" She was beginning to hyperventilate, and Rick put a hand on her knee. "I just don't know what else to do," she whispered.

"I'm good friends with Andrew Miller, the headmaster of Marlowe, Alexis' school," Rick began. "I think we could work something out with the school, get Charlie enrolled for this year, just until we can figure something out. Okay?"

"You're gonna do everything you gotta do to get into this school," Kate told Charlie. "Do you understand?"

Charlie just rolled her eyes, and Rick looked over at Kate to see what her reaction was. Kate just set her jaw and looked the other way.

"I'll call Andrew now, and see what we can do." Rick pulled out his phone and walked into Kate's office.

Charlie and Kate felt like they were waiting on pins and needles for Rick to come back into the room. Kate just wanted this whole thing to be over with, so she could lessen her guilt about feeling like an unfit mother. Charlie just wanted everyone to leave her alone. Everything was fine before this whole school thing had come up, and she wanted things to go back to the way they were.

"Okay, Andy," Rick said. "Thank you so much. You don't know how much this helps."

"What do we need to do?" Kate asked nervously.

"He's going to email me a copy of the SSAT study guide. The SSAT is the test you need to take to get into private school," he told Charlie. "It shouldn't be too hard, because it's geared towards middle _and_ high school students. You'll take it at the school on Saturday, with a few other late transfers." He turned to Kate, then. "He'll need a copy of your last bank statement in order to qualify for financial aid."

Kate nodded. "That all sounds fine. Thank you so much, Castle, honest-"

"Not a problem, sweetheart," he murmured.

"Charlie?" Kate questioned pointedly.

"Yeah?" She responded in a nasty tone.

"Don't you wanna thank Rick for everything he's doing for you?"

"You mean for _you_," Charlie mumbled under her breath. "Thanks, Rick," she said with fake sincerity.

"You're welcome," he answered, pretending not to notice her sarcasm.

They talked logistics for a while, and Rick and Kate set up times to take Charlie to get fitted for her uniforms and to take the girls shopping for school supplies. Charlie sat with an incredibly displeased expression on her face while Kate showed Rick out.

"I'm really sorry about her attitude," Kate whispered in shame. "I don't know what's gotten into her today."

"She's upset. It's understandable. But she doesn't have a choice, and you've got to know that you're doing what's best for her, whether she likes it or not."

"Yeah, I guess so," Kate answered.

"Oh, c'mere," Rick husked, grabbing Kate's hands and pulling her to him. He planted a gentle kiss on her lips, and she smiled into his.

"Thanks, that helped a little."

He mimed tipping his hat. "I certainly hope so! Goodbye," he said.

"See you later, Castle," she said as she closed the door behind him.

Walking back into the living room, Kate put her hands on her hips and stared at Charlie. "What the hell is wrong with you? Rick and I are doing the best we can to make sure that you're going to be okay!"

Charlie fumed, staring daggers back at Kate. "Maybe I was okay before, Kate! Did you ever think about that?"

"How, by not going to school? That's really smart," Kate sniped.

"I don't need this," Charlie screamed. "And I don't need you!" She grabbed her shoes and backpack and stormed out of the apartment.

"Whatever," Kate muttered to herself. The nagging, mom-like voice in her head ordered her to chase after Charlie and bring her back, kicking and screaming if necessary, but the childish part of her blew a raspberry at the mom and ran to her room, so Kate decided to follow suit. Charlie would be back in a few hours, and they could both use some time to cool off.

* * *

Alexis Castle was angry. Anger was a very rare emotion for her, and it terrified her. But here she was, cross-legged on her bed, almost boiling with pure, unadulterated rage. The sole cause for her malcontent attitude? Charlie Harris.

Ever since Kate had gotten together with her father, Alexis felt like it was just "Charlie needs this" or "Charlie did that" or "Kate and Charlie are coming over for dinner, so let's make them feel at home," and Alexis was getting sick of it all. She was going into her senior year of high school, and instead of wanting to spend probably the last summer ever palling around like usual, it seemed like Alexis' dad was looking for a new kid to call "Pumpkin."

Maybe it was a product of being an only child of a single (and very wealthy) parent, but Alexis had never been too great at the whole 'sharing' thing. Sure, she went to Kindergarten and everything, but she had to seriously trust someone to allow them to share her Play-Doh. Her notes. Her sandwich. Her father. And truth be told, Alexis still wasn't very good at that last one.

Rick had never really had friends who had kids, so Alexis never had to experience the heartache of watching her father play with someone else's child, or hear him call them cute. She didn't have cousins who got birthday presents from him, and she didn't have any real experience with parental territorialism other than the minor instances in movies and TV. But this was getting out of hand. Alexis was not going to be replaced. The only question was what she was going to do about it.

She pulled out a blank notebook, kept on her nightstand for occasions such as this. Alexis intended to write a stern, but loving, letter to Rick, explaining her feelings of hurt and betrayal and offering a few solutions to remedying the unfavorable situation, at least one of which including a scenario with Charlie alive and present.

She penned the _Dear __Dad_, and teardrops began to blur the ink and warp the note paper she was writing on.

"What am I going to do?"

* * *

Charlie felt like she would set on fire at any moment. She was positively percolating with pique, and there was only one person to pin the tail of blame on. Kate, aka the "donkey," aka the ass (because that's what donkeys are called). Charlie was so mad that she only gave a small chuckle at her clever bit of wordplay. All Kate had been doing for the past week was pressuring her to do all the sample problems in the SSAT study guide - cake, really. Mickey Mouse Club stuff - and making her jump through all these hoops to get into some snobby rich kids' academy.

A (small) part of her wanted to find the girl she used to be; Emmie would've been ecstatic to go to such a prestigious and challenging high school, and so excited to absorb all the knowledge she could. She would've been floored by the books, mesmerized by the architecture, and thrilled at the individualized attention paid to each student by their teachers. But Charlie was no longer that idealistic, and no longer easily swayed by pretty things. She was cold, and hard, and did her absolute best to maintain her stiff upper lip and not let anyone see the swirling watercolors beneath her brick exterior. And because of that, she was in this mess.

She didn't say it, but Kate was pissed. And Charlie knew it. She was keenly aware of the split-second glares, the slightly pursed lips, and the tightly clenched jaw that presented in her mother when they were in one of their many meetings with the Headmaster. The prim, well-mannered little girl voice in Charlie's head reminded her to unfold her arms, sit up straight, and maybe smile once or twice, but Charlie had done all she could to block out that voice, because it also told her to tell Kate how she was feeling, and she certainly wasn't about to do that.

Charlie felt upset, and she felt sorry. But her pride made her swallow her tongue, and the soft pastels of injury billowed and blossomed into harsh smudges of insolence and bitterness. Which is why Charlie was sitting up, waiting for the light under Kate's door to go out.

"I've gotta get out of here."

* * *

"Hey, Alexis, what do you want for-" Rick called up the stairs. He was cut off by the buzz of his cell phone against the stone surface of the countertop. When a picture of his girlfriend flashed a grin up at him, he slid his thumb across the screen. "Hey, sexy. I was thinking about making some pancakes, do you and-"

"She what?" Castle murmured into the phone. "How long ago?"

"No, of course I'll be right there. See you soon."

Alexis came jogging down the stairs. "What's for breakfast?" She asked with a smile.

"Pumpkin, I have to go over to Kate's."

"Right now?" Alexis asked, eyes sad.

"Charlie's missing."

Alexis' eyes grew wide. "Oh, okay. Do you want me to make something?"

"I don't know if I'll be home any time soon. Why don't you just order food and put something in the fridge for me, okay?" Rick kissed her forehead. "I love you."

"Love you too," she whispered as he left.

* * *

"Do you have any idea where she could be? I mean, she can't be far, right? There's only so much you can walk," Rick reasoned.

"She's walked all over this city for months!" Kate exclaimed. "I have no idea what she's capable of. And she must have gone right after I fell asleep, and that was hours ago! Oh, Castle, what have I done?"

"Hey," Rick said softly, cupping Kate's chin in his hands. "This is not your fault."

"She knows I'm mad at her," Kate whispered. "And we haven't talked about it, or anything, in days. We exchange a few words every couple of hours, but we mostly keep to ourselves. That's not how parents and kids are supposed to be, Rick, and I-"

"Give yourself a little credit," Rick consoled gently. "You've been doing the best you can."

"But what if my best isn't good enough?"

"Kate," Rick murmured. "C'mere."

He pulled her back to him, and rested his chin on her shoulder. "We're gonna find her, and we're gonna get through this. Together. Now, can you think of places she has a special connection to, or where she might go to think?"

"Well, I found her at the park," Kate hazarded. "And she might have gone back to the mission."

"Okay, that's great! Those are two places we can start looking. Why don't you go to the park, and I'll head down to the mission. If we don't find her, we'll meet back up and regroup."

Rick felt Kate nod.

"It's gonna be okay, Beckett," he whispered in her ear.

"Okay," she repeated. "Okay."

* * *

Charlie rested her forehead against the cool plexiglass of the bus window. "Tenafly, here I come," she whispered.

It had taken almost all the money she had left to buy a round-trip ticket to Jersey and back, but Charlie needed to go home. To see her house, to hopefully pack up the meager belongings she had left, and just say goodbye to it.

She popped in her other earbud and reclined as much as she could in the roughly-upholstered bus seat. Letting the music wash over her, she sailed away in her mind to a calmer place. The full moon shone so brightly through the window that the passenger in front of her pulled down the mesh shade so the glare would soften.

When Charlie stormed out of the apartment the previous weekend, she didn't really know what she was looking for. She just wanted to get away - far away, as far away from Kate as possible. She walked and walked, taking in the sights of the city, until she happened upon the bus station. And then she got an idea.

Still being a person of rather high intelligence and problem-solving skills, Charlie had mulled over her plan all week, weighing the pros and cons, and mentally working out the kinks. In the end, her heart won, and earlier that day she'd gone back to the bus station and gotten a ticket to Tenafly. Her old house was pretty close to a local bus stop, and she reasoned that if Brian was looking for her in New York, he wouldn't ever think she'd have gone back to Tenafly.

She fell asleep about 30 minutes into the two-hour bus ride, and only awakened when the bus jerked to a stop at the Tenafly bus station. She hastily gathered her things, and navigated her way off the bus and through the terminal.

"Welcome home, Em," she murmured.

* * *

"Did you find her?" Kate asked breathlessly, having jogged from the park and up the stairs to her apartment when she got a call from Rick.

"I'm so sorry, Beckett," he answered.

Kate let out a sad sigh. "Where else could she have gone?"

Rick hummed in thought. "Is it at all possible that she's not in the city?"

"What? No, that's-" Kate paused suddenly. "Actually, maybe...maybe she went home," Kate mused. "If she thinks Brian's still in the city, she wouldn't have thought twice about going back to Jersey."

"Do you know where she lived?" Rick questioned.

"No," Kate muttered, "but I can find out."

* * *

Charlie turned the corner onto her old street. Her face lit up as her heart began to beat faster, and she couldn't help a smile from breaking out onto her face as she walked the familiar path to her home. She was practically skipping along the sidewalk when she skidded to a complete stop in front of a well-manicured lawn. A medium-sized brick house sat atop it, complete with charming shutters and a welcoming green front door.

Charlie's breath caught in her throat, and hot tears stung her nose and eyes. There were two cars parked in the driveway, a tricycle on the porch, and a basketball hoop at the start of the backyard.

Of all the possible outcomes this journey could have produced, some other family living in _her_ house was certainly not one that Charlie had imagined. She hadn't even thought it would be possible - she was supposedly missing, Brian was also missing, and her mother's death was so new, so fresh...wasn't it?

She didn't know how long she'd stood there, but when the sun began to warm the back of her neck, she realized that she needed to relocate in order to remain unseen.

Slowly, she backed away from the house that used to be hers. Then she broke into a run. She ran all the way from Chestnut Street to Huyler Avenue, and ducked into a deserted corner of the bus station to tuck her head between her knees on a bench and sob.

Charlie felt like an elevator in freefall. Her stomach lurched and her shoulders shook with every ragged breath she took, trying to keep herself from total destruction. She buried her mouth against her calf as her cries turned into desperate whines of grief, in an attempt to muffle the pitiful and terrifying noise. All the hairs on her body stood on end, and her throat was on fire from her screams and the post-nasal drip.

She had lost so much already, and this was the last bit of a tie to a memory Charlie had of a happy life. She'd been brought home to that house, she'd taken her first steps in every stage of life in that house - some sweet, some tragically bitter. But nevertheless, it was her house, and it was where her mother had died, and it was where her old life ended and her new one began. That house was everything.

* * *

Kate tapped, smacked, and drummed on the steering wheel during the entire 45 minutes it took her to get to the Tenafly bus station. She was about to burst from nervous energy, and she hoped that Charlie would be there when she got there. She knew that Charlie didn't have enough money to take a cab there, and that the bus station was fairly near her house. Crossing her fingers that Charlie either hadn't left yet or had already come back, Kate parked in the lot and ran down to the station entrance.

Frantically, Kate looked all around the grey box of a room. She saw families, homeless people, old people, young people, and people in the middle. But she didn't see Charlie. She decided to do a sweep of the perimeter, checking every face and every nook and cranny to see if she could find her daughter.

Finally, she got to a semi-secluded corner where a huddled figure sat, shaking. Kate looked her over, spotted the bag with the scruffy brown bear ear poking up out of it, and ran over to Charlie.

"Charlie! Charlie, sweetheart," Kate murmured, hugging the bundle of teenager tightly. "Oh, Charlie, I was so worried about you!"

Charlie lifted her head from her knees, cheeks wet and eyes blank. "Hi, Kate," she said in a calm, if slightly soggy, voice.

"Are you okay?" Kate whispered gently, reaching out to stroke Charlie's face and thumb some of the tears away.

Charlie flinched, and Kate jerked her hand away. "I'm fine," Charlie responded. "Did you drive here?"

"Well, yeah, but hon-"

"Can we go home?" Charlie interrupted. "I'm really tired."

Kate was dumbstruck. She wanted Charlie to react to her, be upset or angry or _something_. Kate was afraid to yell, to scold her daughter for running away - she was convinced that the cold shoulder she'd been giving Charlie was a factor to the running off in the first place. At the same time, she wanted to hold Charlie close and never let her go again. If this is what loving your child felt like, Kate wasn't sure that she wanted to love Charlie very much at all. There was so much pain, seeing her in pain - and so much more knowing that she couldn't do anything about it.

* * *

Charlie choked back all of her emotions. She knew that crying about her parents and her home would upset Kate, and she'd been doing enough of that lately. She had realized, on her trip, that she didn't have that life anymore. Emmeline was dead, and she was never coming back. Charlie was the one who was here, now, and Kate was her family. She couldn't waste time or energy mourning what had been - she needed to move on.

Still, there was a sour taste in her mouth as she stared silently out the window of the car. Charlie couldn't tell if it was from the choked back tears, the anger at her lack of a tangible past, or frustration at the fact that Kate was just ignoring her. Charlie felt like a real mom would yell or scream or cry, but Kate was just silent. And Charlie was silent. And any apology or question Charlie came up with just tripped over itself and stuck in her throat. Her mouth felt full of cotton, and her head felt full of sand. She leaned back in her seat and let her eyes flutter closed.

* * *

Kate woke Charlie when they pulled up to the building. Slowly, they made their way upstairs together, and Rick was waiting for them when they got to the apartment.

"I'm really tired," Charlie whispered to Kate, again.

"You can go sleep in my room," Kate said, glad for the opportunity to talk to Rick alone.

"Everything okay?" Castle asked worriedly, noting the distance between mother and daughter.

Kate sighed. "Not really," she murmured.

"What's the matter?"

"I can't help but feel like she's lying to me sometimes, Castle." Kate said worriedly.

"How so?"

"It's like she thinks she needs to put on this brave face for me, like I can't handle knowing that she's scared or sad sometimes."

'_Now __who __does __that __sound __like__, __Kate__?'_ Rick mentally shook his head. "Well, this might not be something you want to hear, but I think she needs to talk to someone. And I don't think that someone is you."

Kate looked crushed, and Rick felt his heart snap in two. She stared up at him, tongue poking slightly out of her mouth. He stopped breathing until she said, "Do you think she doesn't wanna talk to me?" Her voice was smaller than he'd ever heard it, and his arousal was tamped by her obvious insecurity.

"Kate..." His voice broke. "No, that isn't it at _all_. But you aren't a therapist. She needs someone who is trained to deal with everything that she's been through, who isn't as close to her as you are." Rick could see that she was still hurt, even though she'd turned away. "Think of it...think of it like a case. You know you have to step away from it because you're too close to it. She's your daughter. Hearing her break? Kate, look at me." She brought her eyes up to meet his. They were glassy and vulnerable. He let the gate fall and a tear rolled down his cheek. "Hearing her break will break you. I can't let that happen."

She tried to muster indignance, but she was too tired. Instead, she just let her head drop into his chest. Her right fist balled at the junction between his neck and shoulder, and her shoulders began to shake. Rick wrapped one arm around her back and the other in her hair and let her cry.

"It's gonna be okay, Beckett," Rick whispered. "It's gonna be okay."

* * *

Kate didn't know where to start in searching for a therapist, and for once, neither did Rick. She'd only seen a therapist once, at the suggestion of Captain Montgomery, back when she was drowning in her mother's case. So, she placed a call to Dr. Carter Burke to see what he could do.

"Unfortunately, I can't see your daughter," he said, apologetic, but firm.

"Why not?" Kate asked, almost angered by the response.

"Well, for one thing, I only see adults," Carter answered calmly. Kate sat back in her seat, a little deflated. "And for another, I work for the NYPD. I do have a few select other clients, but for the most part, I specialize in police officers suffering from PTSD and other job-related trauma."

"Oh." Kate said flatly. "Well, then, I don't know where to go from here," she said, mostly to herself.

"That isn't to say that I can't help," Carter said quickly. "I do have a few connections in the family and young adult therapy community, all of whom I would recommend most highly, and whose contact information I can provide you with."

"That would be great, Dr. Burke," Kate said sincerely. "Thank you so much."

"Of course," he replied. "I'll send you an email with their names and ways to reach them, alright?"

"Wonderful, thank you!"

"Okay, Detective," Carter said. "I'll be in touch."

"Thanks, have a good day."

"You too," he said before hanging up.

* * *

Kate read over the email from Dr. Burke for a third time. She'd called two of the three women he'd recommended for Charlie, and hated both of them. One sounded sickly sweet and patronizing, and the other sounded much too cold and severe. Kate metaphorically crossed her fingers as she dialed the final number.

"This is Beth McKenna," a smooth, soothing voice said on the other line.

"Hi, Dr. McKenna, my name is Kate Beckett. Um, I got your name from Dr. Carter Burke, as a recommendation for a family therapist for my daughter and me?"

"Oh, hi, Detective. Please, call me Beth. Carter told me to expect a call from you. So, why do you want to go to therapy with your daughter?"

"Well, my boy-...partner suggested that she talk to someone to, kind of, help her work through some of the issues that she won't talk about with me."

"Family issues?"

Kate exhaled. "I had her at sixteen and gave her up for adoption. Her parents died, and she ran away, to find me. Now, we're living together. And that's the very much abridged version."

"So do you think that she needs to learn how to trust that you'll be there for her, even though you weren't for most of her life?"

Kate felt like she'd been punched in the gut. "Um-"

"I'm sorry," Beth said with a small laugh. "I'm known for being blunt. I just meant that that is probably what she's thinking."

"Oh," Kate said softly. "Then, yes. But I don't know if that's all."

"Well, that's another facet of my job - to weed out the hidden problems she might be trying her best to hide."

Kate felt really at ease talking to Beth. She was a good balance of to the point and soft, and Kate thought Charlie would respond really well to her. "How soon can we start?"

* * *

Charlie sat on the couch across from Beth, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. She was awkward and uncomfortable, not quite knowing what to say. They'd already exhausted the topic of her parents, because she'd told Beth that she didn't want to talk about their deaths. Charlie was very afraid to cry in front of this stranger. She'd been coming in every day for the past week, to get in as many sessions as they could before school started. Sometimes they'd talk about serious stuff, and sometimes they wouldn't talk at all. Sometimes Beth would give Charlie a stack of tarot cards or a lump of Model Magic, and tell her to create. She had a closet full of craft supplies, from feathers and foam to pipe cleaners and pom poms. Charlie'd made murals, collages, puzzles, pictograms, and even a sculpture entirely out of hot glue pebbles. Charlie knew Beth's favorite movie, book, color, and vacation spot. But there were many things Charlie knew she needed to get out, but didn't know how to say.

"I've been to therapy before," Charlie blurted out, suddenly claustrophobic from the silence.

Beth looked up from her notebook. She smiled. "I know."

"How?"

"Your mom told me," Beth answered succinctly. "How did you feel about that?"

Charlie looked conflicted, and struggled with herself for a moment. "I didn't like it."

Beth waited, face open and expressionless, but warm.

"He made me go."

"Who did?" Beth asked.

"My...my stepfather. He told my mom that I was crazy, that I was violent. He told her..." Charlie was gathering steam, getting angry. Beth smiled softly to herself. "He told her that I had hit on him! Like I would _ever_...and she believed him! And then he-"

Charlie went ghost pale. "He said I couldn't-"

Beth swallowed the lump in her throat that warned her what was coming. She took a stab in the dark. "Charlie. I know he told you that you could never tell anyone. But you have to trust me. I cannot share anything you tell me without your consent, or at least your knowledge."

"He did."

"He who? Your therapist?"

"Dr. Wallace. _Albert_. He told Brian that I-" Charlie swallowed hard.

"Charlie, I really want to help you. But I can't if I don't know what's wrong." Beth was calm, and she talked softly. Charlie stared at her. Albert always crossed his legs, and he had tiny wire-framed glasses that he peered at her over. He was cold, and always cut her off or twisted her words.

She examined Beth carefully. Beth had been sitting with one leg clutched to her chest and the other dangling off the edge of the chair, but when Charlie stopped speaking, she'd gotten down on Charlie's level. Her legs were loose, and her elbows rested on her knees. She wasn't super young, but her face had a youthful softness that comforted Charlie.

Beth's brown eyes were kind, non-judgemental, and were wise enough to make Charlie trust her. But Charlie was ashamed. She broke eye contact and stared down at her jeans.

"He told Brian that I told. I told him what Brian had been doing to me."

"And what was that, Charlie?" Beth continued to look calmly at Charlie, who's eyes were glued to her lap.

"He started when I was eleven. He married my mom when I was ten, and at first, he just scared me. But he started...abusing her a few months into the marriage. And then, when I turned eleven, he turned on me too."

"Charlie, can you look at me, please?" Charlie lifted her head slowly to meet Beth's eyes. "Did Brian ever touch you, or make you do something to him that you didn't want to do?"

Her eyes filled with tears, and they spilled out onto her cheeks. She nodded, now unable to look away.

"Can you tell me what?"

"He...he taught me how to give him a blow job. And he r-raped me, a couple of times. But mostly he just hit me and made me blow him. Sometimes..." She paused to breathe in deeply. "Sometimes he'd touch my boobs."

Charlie stopped speaking, and Beth stood. She walked over to the table and handed Charlie the box of tissues. Charlie nodded gratefully through her tears and pulled out a handful and rubbed at her face.

"I know it was hard to get that all out, Charlie, and I just want you to know that I am so proud of you." Beth knelt, and stared at Charlie with an incredibly earnest expression on her face. Eventually, Charlie met her gaze, and offered up the most whole-hearted smile that she could muster. "I really appreciate you telling me all this, Charlie. Really, I do. It shows me that you trust me, and it shows me how brave you are."

"Thanks," Charlie muttered, still dabbing her eyes and nose.

"And I want you to know something," Beth continued, nodding in understanding of Charlie's reply. "I will always be upfront with you about things you're responsible for, okay?"

Charlie bobbed her head. "I know, and I appreciate that. You don't bullshit."

"Exactly." Beth grinned, then sobered again. "But I want you to try and understand that none of this was your fault, alright? You were taken advantage of, and that's not right. It's inappropriate and horrific and I am so, so sorry that it happened to you."

Charlie's tears had been beginning to subside, but now they were back in full force. Beth gazed at her softly.

"Why do you still look like the world is ending, huh?"

Charlie's face crumpled, and it took a minute of her face being buried in her knees before she could poke her head out enough to be understood. "I just want a hug right now," was all she could manage before her voice broke and she started to sob again.

"Well, sweetheart, lucky for you, our time is up for today. I know a certain Kate out there in the waiting room who'd be more than happy to oblige you."

Beth stood, stretched, and led Charlie to the door. The girl had tried to collect the small white mountain of balled-up Kleenex she'd amassed, but Beth waved her off.

Beth opened the door for her and ushered her into the small vestibule. "I'll see you next week, Charlie." She gave the girl a warm pat on the shoulder before Charlie turned the knob and stared tearfully into her mother's eyes.

"Charlie?"

Charlie didn't say anything, but shuffled towards the woman she'd come to trust implicitly, and maybe even love, over the past couple of months. Kate locked eyes with Beth over Charlie's head, and Beth just mouthed "hug" before closing the door to her office. Kate did as she was told, but only got so far as stretching her arms out wide before Charlie took the opportunity and practically leapt into Kate's arms, gripping the back of her blazer tightly and sobbing into her shoulder.

Kate seemed to know then exactly what was needed of her, because she didn't say a word. She just held on tightly to her daughter and let the warmth of her body and the strength of her hold do all the talking. She occasionally bent her head and pressed kisses to Charlie's hair, but mostly she just held and rocked her while Charlie cried it out.


	7. Ganymede

i think the group scene is one of my all-time favorites. s/o to all the lovely ladies i know to whom, among other things, i owe this chapter.

this week's power playlist:

1. settle down - kimbra  
2. living in a tree - priscilla ahn  
3. ice cream - minnutes

nothing you recognize, etc., etc.

p.s. this is the last chapter of this story i have pre-written, so i don't know when the next update will be. i love this story, but no one seems to be reading it, so i don't feel a super strong pull to get anything done that quickly...i have another story to finish, and then i'll do my best for this one. i really appreciate those few who've reviewed - y'all rock :3

* * *

**ganymede** /gænǝmi:d/ _n__._ the largest moon in our solar system; aka, a _honkin__' __big __rock__._

* * *

Charlie wrinkled her nose. "Zoe, what if you tried, like, writing a letter to your mom? Don't give it to her, but use that as way to express all your frustration and stuff, and then maybe you'll be able to organize your thoughts better when you go into your family session."

Charlie sat cross-legged on the couch in Beth's office, two girls on either side of her and two in the armchairs across from her. Beth sat off to the side, occasionally sparking discussion, but mostly letting the girls talk amongst themselves. Charlie had joined the group a few weeks earlier, at Beth's urging. Beth had thought that Charlie was the right fit for the issues the girls in this group had, and thought that her elegant and gentle way of speaking would be a good play off of some of the more brash girls.

Zoe was the oldest, as a senior. Two girls named Molly and Bella were juniors, and the other two, Charlie and a girl named Lilou, were sophomores. Charlie liked giving advice, but wasn't so good yet at taking any.

"Charlie, what about your mom? Have you been talking to her about the new developments in her life?"

Charlie set her jaw, and tried not to glare at her therapist. She had no desire to talk about the changes happening rapidly in the Castle-Beckett relationship.

Her mind flashed back to two weeks ago, during Sunday dinner at the loft with her mom and the Castle family.

"Mother, would you stop scrubbing for a moment and come into the living room?" Rick had asked Martha. He, Kate, and the girls had been talking about school, while Martha had been cleaning up in the kitchen. Charlie had noticed that Rick seemed more fidgety than usual, and she got a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach.

When Martha appeared in the doorway, a puzzled expression on her face, Rick cleared his throat. "Kate," he said warmly. "We've known each other for almost four years, now. I've been infatuated with you since the very first moment my eyes met yours, but at first, it was just that - infatuation, and lust, and the desire for one more conquest. But as I got to know you, and your past, I...well, I fell in love. And if the past couple of months are to be any indication, so have you."

Charlie noticed that Rick was tearing up, and without even looking, she knew that Kate was, too.

"Beckett, you're my partner in crime. You're my very best friend, and I think you're my soulmate. You told me once that you're the 'one and done' type - and I didn't think I'd ever be, but there's no one else in the world I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. So, Katherine Alice Beckett, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife, for always?"

Charlie squeezed her eyes shut tight. Her mind reeled, and her stomach churned. She heard Alexis let out a choked gasp.

"Always, Richard Edgar Alexander Rodgers Castle. Yes," Kate squealed, very un-Kate-ishly. Charlie opened her left eye to see Castle sliding a ring with a diamond the size of Mt. Augustus onto her mother's finger.

"I have, um, one other thing to ask," Castle said, after a long "lover's embrace." Kate looked at him questioningly, as did the other three females in the room. "How would you and Charlie like to move into the loft? With Charlie going to Marlowe now, and you coming over for dinner most nights, I just think that practically it makes sense, and-"

"I'd love to!" Kate blurted out. Then her nose wrinkled, and she looked slightly ashamed. "I mean, I _would_ love to, but I think I have to talk to Charlie and Beth about it first, because this is a lot of change for her, and she's already had so much..."

Charlie almost felt bad, because her mom sounded so upset. But then she inwardly sighed in relief, because she really _had_ been through so much already, and she didn't really want things to change anymore.

"Charlie?" Beth's voice catapulted Charlie back into the present. "Is everything alright?"

Charlie felt her ears redden in anger and frustration. "No," she hissed.

"Sorry?" Beth questioned.

"No, Beth, everything is _not_ okay," Charlie spat. The rest of the girls, Charlie saw out of the corner of her eye, exchanged awkward grins with each other at her outburst. "Why did you tell her it was _okay_ to move in with them?"

Beth's voice was calm as she responded to her upset patient. "Because I believe that moving in with Rick and his family will give you some more structure that you've sorely lacked over the past few years."

"I've been doing just fine," Charlie growled.

"I don't believe that you have." Beth countered. "All summer, except for the time you spent in the Hamptons, you were alone for the majority of the day while your mother was at work. Now that you're in school, her hours are longer, and you spend most nights either alone in the apartment, or at the Castle's loft anyway. With the move, there will almost always be someone else at the loft when you're there, and you, I truly believe, will be able to have a more normal lifestyle."

"But I like being alone," Charlie argued weakly.

"Like it or not, I don't care, because it isn't healthy for you," Beth said, her voice growing more stern. "You need structure and order and routine amongst all this chaos."

"What chaos?" Bella asked shyly.

"Charlie, why don't you try to explain to the group what's been happening?" Beth prompted. When Charlie looked at her with huge, scared eyes, she added, "Whatever you feel comfortable with. You don't have to add every detail."

Charlie exhaled loudly. "Alright, well, for starters, I was adopted. Both my adoptive parents are dead, as are my two adopted older brothers. I ran away from home when my mom died, because my stepdad...hurt me, and I've been living in New York for the past ten months. About four months ago, I met my biological mom, and moved in with her while her detective squad is looking for my stepdad. There are a lot of gory details, literally, which I don't really feel like sharing, and some of them are confidential to the NYPD anyway. But my mom and her partner finally got together, and now they're getting married and my mom and I are moving from Brooklyn into his loft in Tribeca."

"Any thoughts on what Charlie just shared?" Beth asked the group, after a prolonged silence.

"Wow," said Molly, a girl of few words. That broke the tension, and all five girls giggled.

"I'm really sorry, Charlie," Lilou said, her French accent gliding thickly over the 'ch' sound.

"Thanks, Lulu," Charlie murmured.

"I think that you need to tell your mom that you're feeling out of place," Zoe said, after a moment of thought. "Like, she's probably all caught up in her own giddy shit, and not really paying attention to all the faces you make or sighs you let out."

Charlie blushed ruefully at the accurate depiction of her actions over the past week. "How'd you know?" She asked in wonderment.

"Because that's totally you," Zoe said, with complete self-assurance. "You, like, suffer in silence. And people have to be watching you constantly or they'll never know what you're thinking or feeling, because you keep everything all bottled up inside. You need to, like, ask for help, dude. Because otherwise, she's never gonna know you need it."

Beth allowed Charlie to let that soak in for a minute, and then called the group to order. "We're out of time this week, ladies, but I will see you all next Thursday!"

All the girls chit-chatted as they meandered out of the office, but Charlie lingered. Beth looked at her questioningly, and she let out a heavy sigh. "What if this turns out to be the same as last time?" She asked quietly.

Beth looked at her with affection and sympathy. "You know Rick, correct?"

Charlie nodded.

"And you like him?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"And have you ever seen him mistreat his daughter or his mother?"

"No, but what if that's the problem? That I'm not related to him?"

Beth paused. "I'm not really sure how I can ameliorate your fears. I think this is something that needs to be dealt with, before you all move in, so why don't you ask him and your mother to come to your Monday session?"

Charlie opened her mouth to object, but Beth continued.

"I know it won't be the most fun thing you've ever done, but we just need to get this sorted out before you are put in a situation that makes you uncomfortable."

Charlie nodded, after a pause. "Will you ask? I feel weird," she pleaded.

Beth smiled. "Of course. I'll email them right now." She stood, and led Charlie to the door. "See you Monday, kiddo," she said with a warm grin.

"Bye, Beth," Charlie responded.

* * *

Charlie dragged her feet into Beth's office on Monday afternoon. Kate had gotten Captain Montgomery to give her and Rick the afternoon off so that they could pick Charlie up from school a little early and head straight to Beth's office in Soho. When Beth appeared in the doorway of her office, Charlie felt her stomach sink to her toes and her legs turn to jelly.

No one had said anything the entire ride there. Rick and Kate had each asked Charlie about her day when they picked her up, and she'd mumbled a non-committal "okay." In reality, she hadn't been able to focus on anything her teachers had said, because her nerves were like live wires, and every little movement she made set off a domino effect of sparks. She could hardly sit still, much less take notes. Thankfully, she hadn't had Chemistry, because she would've been likely to cause an explosion of some kind.

"Welcome, Rick and Kate." Charlie had robotically made her way to her regular seat on the couch, and was jolted out of her thoughts by the seemingly suddenness of Beth's voice. "I was a bit vague in my email, and I apologize, but I didn't want to give you so much information on why you've been asked to be here such that it might cause you to worry."

"Well, now I'm a bit worried," Rick quipped.

"And that's okay, because hopefully this session will allow everyone to stop worrying so much." Beth said, with a pointed look at Charlie. Charlie pleaded with her eyes for Beth to continue, and, with a small nod, she did. "Rick, how much do you know about Charlie's former home life?"

Charlie froze. What _did_ Rick know? Had Kate told him what Brian had done to her? She felt a white-hot anger bubble up inside of her; rage and hurt and fear all combined into a tangled mass of indignance and Charlie felt bile rise in her throat.

"Not much," Rick began cautiously. Charlie waited on pins and needles for him to elaborate. "I know that her stepfather is most likely a murderer, but as to anything that he might've done to or with Charlie, I don't-" He paused, shuddering slightly. "I don't really know," was his soft conclusion.

Charlie felt a little silly, but mostly, she felt relief. Swallowing the bitter fluid, she took a deep breath in to calm herself. _Rick__doesn__'__t__know_, she thought, with no small measure of allayment at her mother's secret-keeping abilities. Not that anything was a secret, per se, but for Kate to innately realize that this was something for Charlie to share when she was ready - it meant a lot to her.

"He...he hurt me," Charlie whispered hoarsely.

Rick nodded. "I do remember you saying that when you told us you thought he was involved in Aggie and Lucy's deaths."

Charlie hoped he'd say something else, but Beth gave her a look, and she pressed on. "Yeah. Well, the thing is...I was really close with my dad," Charlie said, her voice cracking under the weight of her sorrow. "And when he died, I just...I lost _everything_," she murmured. "So when my mom got remarried, I was heartbroken. And I was so young that I didn't know how to convey that I was, and that I wasn't ready or okay with it. And for Brian to just...violate me in that way..."

Charlie chanced a look at Kate. Her heart sank at the sight of her mother nearly in tears. "I'm sorry," she whispered, an ashamed blush covering her cheeks.

"Charlie-"

"No, honey," Kate cut Beth off, determined to set the record straight. "This is not your fault!" She grabbed a tissue from the box on the table and dabbed her eyes. "I'm upset because I care about you, and hearing that you've been hurt makes my heart hurt, because I wish I could've been there to protect you."

"Okay," Charlie said weakly.

"Charlie, are you okay to continue?" Beth asked softly, when the girl had paused for a minute.

Charlie nodded, letting out a slow breath. "I don't know what I did to set him off," she whispered, after a pause. "Things were alright at first, I guess...I hated him, and he made me uncomfortable, but he didn't touch me. And then, one day, I saw him hit my mom. I threatened to call the police, and he threatened to kill her. So I didn't. He started hitting me, too, and things progressed from there."

Rick had been very quiet up until this point. "And you're afraid that I might do the same," he concluded.

Charlie made a choked sobbing noise. "I can't-"

He tutted softly, tears in his eyes, too. "It's okay, Charlie. I just want you to know that I love your mom like no one I've ever known, and that I think of you like my own daughter. I would never be able to hurt Alexis, and I would never be able to hurt you. I understand you being afraid, and not being able to trust me just yet, but I really hope that you can trust me enough to give me a chance to prove myself to you."

Charlie nodded, blowing her nose into the tissue Kate handed her. "Okay," she murmured thickly. "I can try."

Rick grinned, his face turning from worried and tired man into giddy little boy. "I won't let you down," he vowed, a big grin splitting his face. Charlie couldn't help but smile, too.

"You'd better not, Castle," Kate joked.

Once the air was clear, it was easier for Beth to facilitate a conversation about what the layout of the apartment would become, and explain to Charlie what the situation would be like there. Rick had purchased the loft above his many years prior, but had left it much in its original state. Alexis and Martha had bedrooms behind the stairs, where the bathroom was, and Rick had converted the largest of the upstairs rooms into his library, but the other two rooms were bland guest spaces. The bigger of the two, across from the stairs, was to be Charlie's room, and while no structural changes would be needed, there was a lot of decorating to be done - not to mention enlarging the upstairs bathroom in order to accommodate three women, as it barely accommodated the two currently using it.

They talked about moving dates - soon, because they wanted to move in together before the wedding, which was only a little over a month away. Kate and Rick had decided that they'd waited long enough, and there was too much at stake not to make best use of the time they had. Kate was a bit flustered, because she liked to have time to plan things, but Rick argued that it wouldn't be that big of a deal; just close friends and family. Rick assured Charlie that she could do her room in any way she wanted to, and that he'd foot the bill. "A pre-wedding present from me to you," he'd said.

When they left Beth's, Charlie was feeling pretty good about the whole thing. Going back to Marlowe, the trio picked up Alexis, and Rick and Kate took the girls out for fro-yo to have a chat.

"We've been thinking about the wedding," Rick started. "And the two of you are the two most important people in our lives. This wedding isn't just about the two of us," he said, placing a warm hand on top of Kate's. "It's about _all_ of us, and becoming a family, and it only makes sense that you two join us up there when we say our vows."

Taking two cards out of his blazer pocket, he slid one across the table to Alexis, and passed the other to Kate, who did the same to Charlie. "Open them," he encouraged.

The girls shared a glance. Charlie wiped the chocolate from around her mouth and tore around the end of the envelope, while Alexis wiggled her finger under the flap. They each got out their cards, and looked at them in awe.

Charlie's said, "Will you be my Maid of Honor?"

Alexis' said, "Will you be my Best Man?"

"Read 'em," Kate urged, almost shyly.

Reading through them silently, each girl developed tears in her eyes. The cards contained heartfelt messages from parent to daughter, telling them how grateful they are to have such an amazing girl in their life, and asking the girls to stand with them as they take this next step.

"Yes," Charlie coughed out, floored by the gesture and the emotion she felt.

Alexis could only nod, and throw herself into her dad's arms.

At each of their parents' previous weddings, the girls had been reduced to flower girls. Alexis had only been eight when Gina married her father, and Charlie was ten when her mother married Brian. In those situations, they'd felt powerless and unimportant. Now, they felt like they were really being included in the making of this family.

"You'd better plan me a great bachelor party," Rick teased his daughter as they left the yogurt shop.

"Same goes for you, kid," Kate concurred to Charlie.

"I'm sure we'll think of something," Charlie answered mysteriously.

* * *

The days flew past, with wedding and interior samples going in and out daily. Rick had decided to redo his bed and bath, considering that a lady was going to be in there full time, now. Though Kate protested, she was really flattered (and, if she was being honest, relieved) that he would do all that for her. They decided to keep the dark look, but change out the black leather for brown, and add some more colors in other than just red.

Charlie was pretty much set with her space, having changed it entirely from beige and bland to neon and painfully cool. She had vintage Mylar grasscloth on the wall above her bed, a sitting area with a velvet loveseat and thrifted coffee table, and two armoires for her clothes. The part she was most excited about, however, was the door - it locked, it was soundproof, and most of all, it _closed_.

Kate and Rick were thrilled that Charlie had come around to the idea of living together. Even Alexis had seemed in a better mood than usual when they dropped the girls off at school. They'd taken the day off to get some plans finalized. Kate had to go in for a dress fitting - Rick had pulled some strings, and Kate had taken Charlie, Alexis, Martha, Lanie, and Maddy to the salon the previous weekend to pick out her dress. She'd ended up with a taffeta one-shoulder a-line dress, in the creamiest white, with delicate laser-cutting on the shoulder strap. The skirt was full, being taffeta, but not overly so, and Kate looked and felt like a Grecian princess. She had a silver belt for it, and was going to wear a headdress instead of a veil.

They had decided on a lot of things in the past week, and Kate's head was swimming at all of the details. The color scheme was easy enough. Rick loved black, Kate loved purple, and silver would be a nice way to add sparkle and glamour. But after that, Kate had gotten flustered. At first, she'd attempted to be as un-opinionated as possible - she should've known better.

"_Flowers__?"_

_Kate __took __a __deep __breath__. "__White __asters __and __lilies__. __Purple __gerber __daisies__. __Silver __ribbon__."_

_Rick __quirked __a __brow__, __a __smirk __starting __to __bloom __on __his __mouth__. "__Why__, __Detective __Beckett__! __You __have __an __opinion __on __something__!"_

_Kate __flushed __slightly__, __and __slapped __her __fiance __upside __the __head__. "__Hush__. __I __have __opinions __on__...__other __things__..."_

"_Let__'__s __review__, __shall __we__? __I __asked __about __invitations__, __you __said __they __all __looked __the __same__. __I __asked __about __gown __designers__, __you __said__ '__Let__'__s __just __go __to __David__'__s __Bridal__.' __I __asked __about __refreshments__, __you __said__ '__Food__. __Open __bar__.'"_

_Rick __was __kidding__, __but __Kate __reddened __awkwardly__. "__Well__...__I__..."_

_His __face __fell__. "__Oh__, __Kate__...__I __didn__'__t __mean __it__. __I __just __want __you __to __have __the __best__. __This __is__, __after __all__, __your __first __and __only __wedding__ - __this __will __be __my __third__. __So __it __isn__'__t __about __me__, __anymore__. __I __want __you __to __be __happy__." __Rick __fiddled __with __the __side __of __the __cuff __on __his __shirt__._

_Kate __pursed __her __lips __and __twitched __them __to __the __side__, __amused__. "__I __know__, __Rick__." __Her __eyes __crinkled __into __half__-__moons __as __she __smiled__. "__But__, __you __know__, __I__'__m __not __trying __to __exclude __you__. __Just __because __I__'__ve __never __been __married __before __doesn__'__t __make __it __any __less __your __wedding__. __And __you __didn__'__t __get __much __say __in __either __of __those__, __anyway__."_

"_How __did __you __know __that__?" __Rick __gasped__._

_Kate __put __on __her __poker __face__. "__Just __guessed__. __You __kind __of __got __walked __all __over__," __she __said __offhandedly__._

_Rick __narrowed __his __eyes__. "__My __mother __told __you__, __didn__'__t __she__?"_

_Kate __simply __smiled__, __and __Rick __shook __his __head__. "__Okay__, __so __why __those __flowers__?"_

"_You __should __know __that__, __Ricky__," __Kate __crooned__. "__You __are __the __writer__, __after __all__. __It__'__s __because __they __have __meaning__. __Remember __the __hybrid __teas__?"_

"_Yes__, __I __know __it__'__s __because __they __mean s__omething__, __but __what __do __those __flowers __mean __to __you__?"_

_Kate __flushed __as __she __grew __serious__. "__Asters __are __Alexis__' __birthflower__. __Lily __is __Charlie__'__s__. __Daisies __are __yours__, __and __I __knew __that __gerber __daisies __would __come __in __the __perfect __shade __of __purple __for __our __color __scheme__. __I __wanted __to __carry __all __of __you __with __me__."_

_Rick __was __incredibly __touched__. "__So__, __do __you __know __what __they __all __mean__? __Mother __tried __to __teach __me __the __flower __language __once__, __after __I __gave __yellow __roses __to __a __girl __I __liked__, __but __I __never __could __remember__."_

"_Well__, __Alexis__' __birthflowers __are __asters__. __They __represent __love__, __which __I __thought __was __appropriate__." __She __grinned __up __at __Rick__. "__They __also __mean __wisdom__, __faith__, __and __valor__. __Okay__, __Charlie __is __the __lily__, __which __is __beauty__, __sweetness__, __and __humility__. __Which __we __all __know __you __could __do __with __at __least __one __of__," __she __winked__. __Rick __rolled __his __eyes__, __but __he __was __smiling__. "__Anyway__. __Daisies__." __Kate __looked __away__, __and __her __voice __got __very __soft__. "__Daisies __represent __innocence __and __playfulness__, __but __they __also __are __harbingers __of __good __fortune __and __blissful __pleasure__. __Daisies __are__...__well__, __they__'__re _you_, __Castle__."_

"_Beckett__."_

"_Yeah__?"_

"_Kiss __me__."_

_Kate __met __Rick__'__s __eyes__. "__Gladly__."_

Once they'd settled the "who has more say" debate, things got a bit easier. Rick spoke up and said he'd like to have the wedding at the library - "my first love, and my last love," he'd waxed poetic - to which Kate enthusiastically agreed. The NYPL, in her mind, was about as close to an actual castle as they'd get in the city. Plus, with neither of them being particularly religious, it made sense. And he was a writer, and she loved to read - it just worked.

Rick wanted Javi and Kevin to be his groomsmen, and Kate wanted Lanie and Madison as her maids. They prayed that their parents would get along long enough to sit through the ceremony next to each other, in front, as the parents of the couple. And while figuring out what the men would wear (black tuxes with silver ties and waistcoats) and Kate's maids (she was pretty sure Lanie had a silver dress, and she'd found a purple dress in exactly the right shade for Maddy to rent) was simple enough, it was a bit more difficult to determine what their kids would wear.

After scouring the websites of Charlie's favorite stores, Kate finally found a brocade skater dress in purple and silver that would look amazing on Charlie as a Maid of Honor dress. Pairing it with black tights and the silver woven and black velvet ankle-strap pumps Kate had found would be stunning, and appropriate for the fifteen-year old. Alexis' outfit, on the other hand, was proving to be the biggest challenge so far. They'd nixed the idea of her wearing a dress, when she'd pointed out that it would look weird and said, "Then what's the point of me being the Best Man?" But finding a suit for her to wear was trying. Then Rick said, "What about silver?" and the deed was done. Alexis would wear a silver suit with a purple pussybow blouse and black wingtip pumps to match the guys' shoes.

"What about registering?" Rick asked, after their meeting with the caterer.

"What about it?"

"You know," Rick said. "People are gonna want to give us stuff, and if we don't register, they won't know what we want."

"But we don't need anything," Kate pointed out.

"Yeah, but-" Rick paused, looking thoughtful. "But we know something that does."

Kate quirked her head. "What?"

"JHP," he answered with a smile.

Rick had pestered Kate for what seemed like ages to find out what she'd do if she ever won the lottery. When he finally figured it out, he started a nameless organization dedicated to helping kids help their communities by going to law school and becoming pro-bono attorneys like Kate's mom had been. Over the year, Kate had become more involved, and decided that she wanted to name the organization after her mother.

But all of the "Johanna's Fund" names sounded too grotesque and pushy, to her, so Rick came up with The JHP Project - The Johanna Heidi Peterson Project. Called JHP for short, their plan was to have two annual fundraisers - the JHP Jamboree in the summer, and the JHP Jubilee in the winter. But Kate didn't want Rick to pay for the first Jubilee all out of pocket, and being the first fundraiser, they had no money from the Project to cover it. They'd been trying to come up with free/inexpensive ways to fundraise for a while, but with no major results.

"Oh, Castle," Kate breathed. "That's perfect!"

"I know," he said with a smirk. "I'll email Carrie with the invitation change tonight."

He'd walked her to the salon, and kissed her goodbye as she ducked in between the massive glass double doors.

* * *

"Hey, Alexis," Charlie said, plopping down on the couch next to her almost-sister. "Can we talk for a minute?"

Alexis bookmarked her book and looked at Charlie. "Sure, I've got a free."

"Yeah, me too," Charlie said with a laugh.

"Right," Alexis said awkwardly. "You were saying?"

"I just wanted to know if you'd come up with any plans for Rick's bachelor party yet," Charlie sighed, "because I don't have any plans for Kate's thing yet and I'm seriously running low on time."

"Oh, not really," Alexis answered. "I've been busy, too."

"Well, maybe we could co-plan! I mean," Charlie amended, at Alexis' look, "we won't be doing the same stuff, but maybe we could share ideas?"

Alexis shrugged. "Sure, I guess. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I know Kate likes artsy crap, and dancing. So I thought maybe we'd have dinner and go to the ballet? Wicked boring, I know," she sighed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well, dinner sounds good, but what if, instead of ballet or a play or something, you took her someplace she wouldn't normally go by herself? Like, I'm sure there are some cool gay bars or something with a drag scene that might take her a little out of her comfort zone."

Charlie bit her lip. "You think they'll let me into a bar?"

Alexis frowned. "Oh, I forgot you're not eighteen. Sorry."

"I'll keep it in mind. What about you? What does your dad like?"

"Little kid stuff, I guess - laser tag, Guitar Hero, that sort of thing."

"Oh!" Charlie squealed. "I know of this place, I forget where it is exactly, but they have an arcade and laser tag and stuff, but there's also this room with all this blow-up stuff!"

"Like, dynamite?"

Charlie laughed, shaking her head. "No, like, moonbounces and velcro walls and cage fighting with those huge q-tip things!"

Alexis grinned. "That sounds awesome!"

"I know, right? Maybe you guys could do that and then get dinner after."

"You think Ryan and Esposito and everybody would be okay with that?"

Charlie shrugged. "Ryan, definitely. Espo, probably, though he might not admit it. I don't really know any of your dad's other friends, but if he likes it, the good friends will like it too."

Alexis smiled. "Thanks, Charlie. That all sounds really cool. Sorry I couldn't help you more." she apologized.

"No worries," Charlie waved her off. "I'll figure it out."


	8. Lemniscate

wowza. it's been exactly three months since i last updated this story? i am so sorry it's taken so long to get this up! lots of things have been happening for/to me work- and health-wise, which is no excuse, but it is what it is. unfortunately, this chapter is fairly short, but i hope to be getting back on a more regular schedule soon! as always, thanks for reading, and nothing you recognize belongs to me.

this week's symphony of looove:

1. upside down - a*teens  
2. you'll never walk alone - from _carousel_ (doris day cover)  
3. dream a little dream of me - mamas & papas  
4. bridal chorus - wagner  
5. falling in love at a coffee shop - landon pigg  
6. like a star - corinne bailey rae  
7. hello...goodbye - sean watkins

* * *

**lemniscate** /ˈlɛmnɪskɪt/ _n__._ a figure-eight shaped curve (i.e. ); _infinity_.

* * *

"Go, Dad!" Alexis cheered, watching her dad and Javier duke it out in the Gladiator Joust. Rick had gotten Javi to wobble on his pedestal, but the detective quickly fought back, and caused the writer to topple over and land on his back, legs in the air.

"Alright, Espo!" Another cop - Union, Alexis remembered as the name on his uniform - rallied behind the opposing force. Alexis' blue eyes narrowed as she stared at him disapprovingly.

"Oh, you're going down, punk," Castle growled in a hackneyed impression of an old-timey sheriff.

"Try me, old man," Javi goaded.

Alexis averted her eyes when it appeared as though Espo was gonna knock her dad down for the third time. She went to the table where Gina and Paula were nibbling at the pizza, and pulled her phone out of her purse.

"Is Rick getting creamed in there?" Gina asked.

Alexis smirked grimly. "Unfortunately, he's not as spry as he used to be."

The blonde woman licked her lips unconsciously. "Oh, sweetie, I'm sure he's still pretty spry."

It took a second for Alexis to process, and then she buried her head in her arms. "Ew! That's disgusting!"

Paula and Gina shared a high-pitched laugh, and when Alexis finally reemerged, her face was still as red as her hair.

"All we can hope for is that he doesn't get too bruised. I've already scheduled 'paparazzi' for Saturday, and for when they land in Bora Bora." Paula's Brooklyn accent was pronounced even more than normal, and Alexis grimaced.

"Paula," she chided. "Why'd you do that?"

"If fans see that Rook and Nikki are together in real life, maybe they'll be more inclined to see them get together in the fiction," Paula reasoned. "Besides, he's been spending way too much time at home. The press misses that little _shayna_ _punim_."

Alexis rolled her eyes, but grabbed a slice of pepperoni to shove in her mouth to prevent from saying anything she didn't want to, even if she really would've meant it.

Suddenly, her phone lit up, and buzzed harshly against the plastic of the tabletop.

"'Scuse me," she mumbled through a mouthful of bread and cheese, picking the phone up and holding it to her face as she walked to a dark and quiet (relatively) corner of the space.

"Charlie?" She asked. "What's wrong?"

"_Everything__,"_ came the reply.

* * *

Charlie had planned it all out. First, they'd go to a show (_Lysistrata __Jones_, which combined two of her favorite things - musicals and Greek mythology). Then, she'd treat Kate and her friends to a nice dinner at a supper-slash-night club, and they could spend the rest of the evening on the dance floor.

She'd ordered custom jelly bracelets that read "I'm with the bride" and gave the couples' names and the date of their wedding. It was the Thursday before the wedding, exactly five months since Charlie's fifteenth birthday. She had dressed meticulously, her brand new room littered with failed outfit attempts and visual signs of her frustration. She finally landed on a simple black bodycon minidress with long sleeves and a low scoopneck back. She accessorized minimally but boldly, wearing a chunky cuff bracelet with neon stones and a pair of hot lime suede wedges that picked up a color from the bracelet.

She had pulled her curls back into a loose, low bun, but in her frustration she'd tugged out the ties, so her hair fell around her shoulders as she hunched over her knees in the small stall of the bathroom at The Dalloway.

"Alexis," she whispered. "I made a terrible mistake."

"_What __kind __of __mistake__?"_ The redhead asked.

Charlie bit her lip. The evening had started off so smoothly...Maddie seemed to really like her, and she got along well with Stegner and Karpowski already from the time she'd spent at the station over the summer. Lanie she knew, of course, and as her mom's best friend, they were kind of obligated to like each other (not that Charlie found Lanie hard to like). Ryan's wife, Jenny, had also tagged along, as a seventh member of the party, making the group numbers even for both bachelor and bachelorette.

They'd gone to the show, which had just opened on Monday, and it was good - not _Les __Miz_ or anything, but very fun and campy in a _Legally __Blonde_ or _High __School __Musical_ kind of way. Charlie's face had flushed when it became obvious that one of the characters was transgender, and she cautiously peeked up and down the row to make sure no one was staring at her. She hoped that Kate didn't mind, and though everyone said they had a good time, Charlie wasn't sure if they meant it or not.

Then they went back to Tribeca, which is where all the trouble began.

"I..." Charlie trailed off uncomfortably, afraid to admit what she'd (however unintentionally) done.

Charlie had seen the new restaurant opening when she and Alexis walked to school every morning. At first, neither could tell what it was, but it soon became clear when kitchen appliances began being installed. Charlie did some digging, and asked around the jobsite after school a few weeks before she began planning for the bachelorette party. She met two women who were the co-owners, and they said it was going to be a restaurant/bar - dinner on the top floor, party down below. But she put it out of mind until she talked to Alexis about planning their various nights, and Alexis suggested a club. If they had dinner beforehand, Charlie would already be _in_ the club when it was time to party, and thus eliminating stress about faking her way in (especially when the guest of honor was a cop).

So Charlie called up The Dalloway and made a reservation for seven at eight on Thursday night. The woman on the phone had neglected to mention a few key details when they talked about how it was a bachelorette party.

Key Detail #1: All the servers were _really_ friendly. The waitress for the table was named Allie, and despite her tattoos, piercings, and half-shaved head, she was very sweet. A little _too_ sweet, if you were ask Charlie. She was all over the ladies, especially Kate, and was very excited to hear about the wedding.

Key Detail #2: Thursday night was Ladies' Night, apparently, which resulted in this "friendliness" from the staff of The Dalloway. Because -

Key Detail #3: The Dalloway NYC (and many of its female employees) is capital-G Gay.

What Charlie failed to find out before making her reservation was that, though open and welcoming to everyone, The Dalloway was engineered to be a lesbian hangout spot. Ladies' Night was also Ladies-Who-Love-Ladies Night, and why Charlie was camped out in the bathroom at this moment, because since New York had passed the gay marriage bill over the summer, everyone assumed that Kate was getting married to another woman.

The detective had smoothly brushed it off, saying they lived up the street and had wanted to check out the food, but Charlie was positively mortified. She didn't want her mom to think that she was trying to gay everything up, nor did she want Kate to think that Charlie had planned to come here for that reason. Not for the first time, Charlie wished she was just normal, and that she didn't have to deal with any of this stuff.

"_Charlie__? __Hello__?"_ Alexis called out, alerting Charlie to the fact that she still had her cell phone clutched to her face.

"I didn't know!" She said anxiously. "I swear I didn't!"

"_Know __what__?"_

"That this was, like, a gay bar!"

"_What __is__? __The __restaurant__?"_

"Yeah," Charlie sighed. "The one up the street that just opened."

"_Oh__. __That__'__s __cool__, __though__."_

"No it isn't!" Charlie retorted. "Now Kate probably thinks I-"

"Charlie?" There was a soft rapping on the door. "Babe, are you in there? Can I come in?"

"I gotta go, Alexis," Charlie muttered into the phone. "I guess so," she said miserably, directing her voice at the door.

Kate poked her head through the crack between the door and the jamb, and craned her neck around to see Charlie huddled on the floor. "Hey," she whispered, coming all the way in and sitting down next to her daughter. "You okay?"

"I'm sorry," Charlie whined. "I didn't know, honest!"

"What are you sorry for?" Kate asked in bewilderment.

"For taking you all here, to this...kind of place."

"It's a nice place!" Kate said with a shrug.

"It's not! It's for...you know," Charlie said. "People like me."

"It _is_ a nice place," Kate disagreed. "And I really wish you wouldn't talk about yourself like that. There's nothing wrong with you, Charlie."

Charlie kept quiet, not wanting to argue.

Kate sighed, running a hand over her face. "Babe..."

"I'm sorry," Charlie said quickly. "I'm ruining your party, and I don't mean to."

"Charlie, no," Kate countered. She pressed a gentle palm to Charlie's cheek and turned her daughter's head to face her. "All I wanted from tonight was to spend time with my daughter and my friends. It's perfect."

"Really?" Charlie asked, with a devastatingly hopeful look in her eyes.

"Really," Kate swore. "C'mon," she said, standing once more and brushing off the seat of her skirt. She extended a hand to Charlie. "You ready to bust a move?"

Charlie couldn't squash her grin, though she wrinkled her nose in disapproval. "You're so old," she teased.

"Yeah, I know," Kate agreed, winking at her daughter. Hand in hand, they left the bathroom, and went to rejoin the party.

* * *

The next night was the rehearsal dinner, and seeing as everyone knew how to walk in a straight line, the rehearsal portion of the evening went fairly quickly. Family and friends gathered soon after to eat, drink, and be merry - culminating in toasts and roasts and, inevitably, the demanding of smooches by the happy couple.

The clinking of glasses finally ceased as Rick wove his fingers through Kate's curls and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. Martha had started the clinking on the small makeshift stage, but she kept her place and motioned Alexis up to stand with her.

"As you all know," the actress spoke, addressing the assembled crowd of family, friends, and coworkers, "tomorrow, my son Richard is getting married - for the third time," she added as a playfully teasing aside. "Normally, this would be a time for parents to get all weepy and sentimental about their babies growing up and becoming independent adults. That ship has sailed for Richard, and I have made my peace that he will never grow up. However," she continued, above the laughter and friendly jeers, "I am feeling a tad fond about Richard tonight, and so I would like to share with you all a story."

Alexis grabbed a chair for her grandmother and pulled it onto the stage, then stood beside her with a faint, knowing smirk.

"When I was a girl, I lived on Long Island with a traveling fair. My parents were psychics, and all through the warm months we would go from town to town with the sideshow and the circus and the games and rides. I would try and get customers for my parents outside our tent. Though not a very prosperous trade, I loved my carnival family, and I missed the tight-knit atmosphere when I grew up and moved to the big city."

"The very first show I saw, at age 16, was _Carousel_. It reminded me so much of home, and it gave me strength when I was auditioning for bit parts and understudies. As I got more jobs, I learned many songs that touched my heart, but there was one that I always swore I would teach to my child if I had one. I used to sing this to Richard when he was a little boy, and, with accompaniment from my granddaughter, I will sing it again to him now."

Martha stood, then, and Alexis replaced her in the chair as she took out her violin and bow. Martha began to sing a lovely version of "You'll Never Walk Alone," and by the end, everyone in the audience had tears in their eyes.

"I hope, darling, that you and Kate will remember that no matter how dark the night may seem, you will always have each other by your sides. And, of course, you'll have me, and Alexis, and Charlie as well. You'll never walk alone."

Rick mouthed a "thank you" to her, and wrapped Alexis in a tight hug when she came back to her seat. But Martha stayed on stage.

"I believe we have another performance?" She questioned, looking at Charlie.

The girl blushed, but went up to the stage. Fixing her hair self-consciously, she focused her eyes on Kate.

"Um, Alexis told me a while ago that your mother used to sing to you. The reason she told me was because I was humming a song to myself that my mother sang to me. My mom told me that, when I was born, this song was on a cassette of lullabies she played for me, and this was the one she could always count on to calm me down. She didn't know why, but I always had a connection with it. One day, the tape unraveled, and she had to sing it herself. I asked her every night to sing it for me. I, um...I did some research, and it turns out that babies can sometimes remember what they hear in the womb. I think...I think you maybe sang this to me, too. So now I'm going to sing it for you."

Kate was already crying, but she began to sob when she heard Martha plink out the beginning notes to "Dream A Little Dream Of Me." Charlie's sweet voice tiptoed over the notes, and Kate felt her heart swell up with love and pride. She was on her feet the minute the song ended, and picked Charlie up and swung her around.

"That was so beautiful, baby," she whispered. "Thank you."

"I love you, Mom," Charlie murmured, grabbing her elbows around Kate's neck.

Kate kissed her cheek, tears flowing copiously. "I love you too, sweet girl."

* * *

"Charlie? Can you help me with this zipper?"

Charlie dashed over to her mother as fast as her four-inch heels would carry her, and placed steadying hands on Kate's waist. Using one hand to pinch the jeweled fabric together, she clasped the zipper between her right thumb and forefinger and tugged upwards, causing the dress to close with a satisfying slurp.

As Maid of Honor, Charlie was in charge of being Kate's designated dresser on the Big Day, and also was in charge of making sure everyone was doing their parts on time. She'd organized hangers and dressing spaces for each woman, checked up on the decorating process, and was now tasked with keeping calm for both herself and her mother.

"Oh, Mom," Charlie breathed, letting go of all other thoughts and turning Kate around so she could look at her. "You look _stunning_."

Kate's dress was just that. It had a simple silk-faced satin trumpet skirt that started at Kate's natural waist, skimmed over her perfect hips and flat abdomen, and flared out at the knee to pleat and puddle ever-so-slightly on the floor. The chapel train was not long at all, which was perfect for their semi-formal atmosphere. The fun part of the dress was the bodice. It was silver lace, with all the flowers studded with crystal centers. Some flowers popped off the dress, making it textured and dynamic. It had a tank top shape, with thin straps and a deep "vee" of a neckline. Then it scooped low in the back, and ended right below the ribcage.

Her hair was swept back in a messy chignon, and her rhinestone headband sat pretty far back, nestled in the pouf. Long earrings (alternating round and square diamonds ending in big opal teardrops) glittered at her shoulders, and her makeup was simple - nude, mostly, except for red lips.

Charlie tucked a curl behind her ear, and smiled up at her mom. "Are you ready? The girls are dressed and everything."

At that moment, Lanie and Madison both came over to ooh and ahh over Kate's dress. Kate blushed softly at the praise, but was thankful for a quiet knock on the door.

"Come in," Kate called, praying it was someone come to tell them it was time to go. Alexis poked her head in.

"Um, Gr-oh, _wow_, Kate," Alexis breathed, as in awe over the detective's appearance as everyone else. "You look...beautiful."

"Thank you," Kate demurred.

"Um, Gram asked me to bring this to you," she said, entering the room and holding a long, thin, black velvet box in her hand. "She said it was for your 'something borrowed,' if you didn't have one already. We figured your mom's ring was your 'something old,' and Dad said he got you those earrings as your 'something new,' and I know you already have your 'something blue,' so..." She trailed off, fidgeting slightly. "Anyway, here," she finished, thrusting the box at Kate.

Kate smiled at her almost-daughter. She'd gotten a blue pedicure when the girls had gotten their nails done on Wednesday - Maddie, Lanie, Kate, Charlie, Alexis, and Martha had all gone together. And her mother's ring _was_ her 'something old,' so she opened the box and gasped. Inside was a delicate gold bracelet with five oblong opals haloed in tiny round diamonds. "Oh, Lex," she murmured. "Tell Martha it's gorgeous, really...it's perfect."

"Five opals," Charlie whispered. "One for each of us."

Kate grinned at her daughter, and pulled her and Alexis in close. "I love you girls," she said.

"Love you too," Charlie replied.

"Love you," Alexis said simply, placing a kiss on Kate's cheek and turning to leave the room. "See you soon."

"Oh, wait!" Kate called to her, grabbing an envelope off the vanity table where she'd had her hair and makeup done. "Alexis, would you give this to your dad?"

Alexis quirked an eyebrow, but nodded. "Alright," she acquiesced. Then, letter in hand, she left the room and returned to the groom's suite.

No sooner had Alexis left than the door popped open again and the officiant/librarian poked his head in. "Five minutes, ladies," he warned.

* * *

Alexis snuck in behind the officiant, laughing silently at the harried scrambling by the boys at his warning. She pulled her dad aside and slipped him the envelope.

"From Kate," she told him.

Fluffing his bowtie, Rick sat down to read the letter. He slid a finger under the flap and ripped the paper sleeve open. Inside was a thick sheath of folded note paper with a sticky note attached to the outside.

In Kate's gentle script, it read, "_I __didn__'__t __want __to __wonder__ - __and __I __didn__'__t __want __you __to__, __either__. __I __love __you__, __Rick__. __xx__, __Kate__._"

Rick peeled the post-it off the front of the packet, uncreased the sheets, and began to read. It was clear from the beginning of the letter that it was from Kate's old TO, Michael Royce - Rick had to laugh at some of the funnier memories he recounted. Mostly, it was an apology letter, and a thank you to her for doing the right thing. But towards the end of the letter, Rick's eyes caught a familiar name.

"_And __now __for __the __hard __part__, __kid__. __Not __for __me__, __but __for __you__. __It__'__s __clear __that __you __and __Castle __have __something __real__. __And __you__'__re __fighting __it__. __But __trust __me__. __Putting __the __job __ahead __of __your __heart __is __a __mistake__. __Risking __our __hearts __is __why __we__'__re __alive__. __The __last __thing __you __want __is __to __look __back __on __your __life __and __wonder__, __if __only__._"

Rick traced a finger over the words on the yellow scrap of paper, and stared at the same words that Royce had written for Kate. Rick knew that Kate had loved Royce - idolized him, worshipped him, _trusted_ him - perhaps more like an uncle or older brother, but love nevertheless. And for her to share something so personal with him was rare, and so incredibly poignant. He fingered the ring in his pocket, savoring the feel of cool metal against his overheated thumb.

"Dad," Alexis called, jerking Rick out of his reverie. "Are you ready?"

He smiled broadly. "Absolutely."

* * *

From the moment the double doors opened at the end of the aisle, and Kate entered with her father on her arm and a bashful smile on her face, Rick was at a complete loss for words. It was a different kind of love with Gina, or even with Meredith. With Gina, it was a fiery kind of love, and spicy; like a salsa you eat that builds in intensity until you start sweating and have to take a breather before you can resume. Meredith was a roller-coaster love - a relationship built on a foundation of sand and lies and a baby, and one that was intermittently great and terrible.

But Kate...Kate was a love all her own. She was smooth, like the perfect latte (grande, with skim milk and two pumps of sugar-free vanilla syrup, if you please). And yet, sometimes it was espresso, and sometimes it was decaf passionfruit tea, and sometimes it was just a cozy hot cocoa with mini marshmallows and a thick blanket. Kate Beckett was every kind of love, and no kind of love that Rick had ever known. He'd come close to this love with Kyra Blaine, and Kelly Brennan before her - informally, and behind his back, Martha referred to Rick's condition as the KB Curse - but never, _never_, had Rick felt this way before.

Almost as if in a trance, Rick shook Jim's hand and gave him a hug.

"Good luck, Ricky," Jim whispered. "If she's anything like her mother, you're gonna need it." The elder man clapped Rick on the back, and went to sit at Martha's side.

Kate and Rick stared dazedly at each other as the minister spoke. They'd agreed not to exchange personal vows. The publicly given reasons were that Kate didn't want Rick to read a novel, and that Rick was afraid to embarrass Kate by comparing their writing skills. Truthfully, they felt uncomfortable baring their souls in front of so many people - and both believed that actions would speak (and had spoken) louder than words ever could.

The first recognition they had of the outside world was a strategic jab in Kate's back with both her bouquet and Charlie's own.

"I-I do," Kate said hurriedly.

"And do you, Richard Edgar Alexander Rodgers Castle, take Katherine Alice Beckett to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, for richer and for poorer, to love and to cherish for as long as you both shall live?"

Rick smiled, blue eyes meeting hazel tenderly. "Always."

"Then it is time for the exchanging of rings," the librarian announced.

Kate and Rick slid their simple silver bands onto each other's ring fingers, whispering solemnly, "With this ring, I thee wed."

"And so, by the powers vested in me by the great state of New York, it is my pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife! You may now seal your vows with a kiss."

Wasting no time at all, Kate wrapped her arms around Rick's neck, tugged him close to her, and fit her lips snugly into his. The crowd cheered, and the recessional was a blur as Rick and Kate walked down the grand marble steps amid fanfare and bubbles galore.

* * *

After seemingly endless group pictures, dinner finally began, and the newly minted Castle-Beckett clan made their way to the head table. Martha and Jim each took an end seat, while Rick and Kate took the side facing the floor with their daughters flanking them, and the maids and men took the four seats opposite. The food came mercifully quickly, and the room was misty with love and contented chatter.

Charlie and Alexis watched in awe as their parents floated around on the parquet for their first dance.

"Mom looks so alive," Charlie marveled.

"Dad looks happy, too," Alexis responded with a smile.

Both girls were surprised and a bit uncomfortable when the DJ suddenly called them to the floor for a parent-daughter dance.

"You look happy, Mom," Charlie commented quietly, nestling her head into Kate's shoulder.

"I am, kid," Kate replied. She kissed her daughter's curls, and swung the girl around the floor.

"May I cut in?" Rick and Alexis suddenly appeared beside them, and passed Alexis off to Kate as he took Charlie's hand to guide her through the steps.

"I'm glad it's you, Rick," Charlie admitted in embarrassment, staring at her shoes as they waltzed.

"Hey, Charlie," Rick started. She looked up. "Me too."

Alexis followed Kate's lead, but her eyes were trained on her father and Charlie. Charlie smiled brightly, and Rick pulled her in close, stroking her cheek. Blue eyes almost flared green in jealousy, and Alexis reflexively tightened her grip on Kate's hand.

"Whoa, Alexis," Kate winced. "Something wrong?"

Alexis shook her head, remaining mute. She loosened her hold, but inside, she was fuming. _'__He__'__s _my _dad__!'_ was the refrain that looped through her mind. This meant _war_.


	9. Invidious

christ, you guys, i am so sorry about the delay...i kept meaning to post, but i wasn't sure how this chapter would be received. this is the beginning of the end, my friends. next chapter will be the saddest/grossest thing i have ever written, just as a warning...but as with most things, it will get better. promise! for now, enjoy the, um...november of their discontent.

rage against the playlist machine:

1. ev'rytime we say goodbye - ray charles and betty carter  
2. the worst day ever - simple plan  
3. keep you right - blind pilot  
4. 4:35 AM - gemma hayes  
5. long time traveller - the wailin' jennys

xo, ~*starophie*~

* * *

**invidious** /inˈvidēəs/ _adj__._ tending to cause discontent, animosity, or _envy_.

* * *

Charlie flipped her head over and shook out her hair. Grains of rice spattered the floor mats of the limo, and Kate scoffed disapprovingly. Alexis glared at Charlie's back.

"Charlie," Kate admonished.

"Sorry," Charlie said, not sounding at all like she meant it. "Did you know that Marie Curie went deaf because she got rice in her ear at her wedding?"

Rick grimaced. "You couldn't have said something before?"

But he winked, and Charlie grinned at him.

"Oh, girls," Kate said, grabbing a tote bag from a shelf. "We have gifts for you."

"Ooh, I feel special," Charlie said excitedly.

"Well, not really _gifts_, per se," Rick amended. "Everyone else already got theirs. But yours are special."

"Books!" Kate said enthusiastically.

"Books?" Charlie frowned. Rick pouted at her, and she backpedaled. "I mean, don't get me wrong - books are great and all, but when you say presents, one would assume-"

"You know what they say when you assume," Rick scolded jokingly, wagging his finger at Charlie.

"And besides, who said presents? I said gifts," Kate teased.

"Same diff," Charlie shrugged.

"What does that mean? Same difference - it's such an oxymoron."

"What did you call me?" Charlie asked.

"Enough!" Kate called out. She handed Charlie and Alexis identical looking packages wrapped in kraft paper, with little lined cardstock library slips with their names stamped on them. Charlie ripped into hers, and though Alexis took her time, both soon enough had lovely purple leather-bound copies of Little Women in their laps. Charlie traced her finger over the large gold letters spelling out the title, and waited for Kate and Rick to explain.

"The books were the placecards," Rick began.

"Because we got married at the library." Kate added.

"Right..." Charlie prompted.

"Well, Nancy Drew was one of the first books I really enjoyed, and encouraged me to pursue mystery writing," Rick pressed on. "And because Beckett's a detective, we gave each of our fifty-six guests one of the original Nancy Drew mysteries."

"But there were really sixty people at the wedding," Kate tacked on. "The two of us, and the two of you."

"And since there were no more mysteries left-ow!"

"Not because there were no more mysteries left," Kate rolled her eyes. "But because this was one of my favorite books growing up, and because you two are our little women, we thought we'd get you this story."

"Thank you, Mom," Charlie said softly. "And you too, Rick."

"Thanks," Alexis muttered.

Rick wrapped an arm around Kate's shoulders. "You're welcome."

"We're here," the driver called from the front.

"Whoo hoo!" Rick cheered. When the door opened, he was the first to scramble out of the car. He tipped the chauffeur, and waited for his ladies before heading into the apartment building and getting ready to go to Bora Bora.

* * *

Charlie rubbed her eyes tiredly. She was glad that Rick and her mom had woken up her and Alexis so they could say goodbye, but she was _not_ glad that they were leaving for the airport at six thirty on a Sunday morning. She yawned and pulled the cuffs of her thermal t-shirt down over her thumbs.

"Bye, girls," Rick said, kissing both of his daughters on the forehead as he picked his and Kate's suitcases up from beside the door.

"Bye, Lex," Kate murmured, grabbing a quick hug. Alexis reached around her limply and patted her back. "Bye, Martha!" Then she turned to Charlie, cupping her cheek in one hand. "Bye, baby," she whispered.

Charlie rolled her eyes, but smiled broadly. "Bye, Ma," she said, stifling another yawn.

"Have a good time, kiddos!" Martha called after them. Alexis smiled tightly as she waved them off.

"Well, darlings," Martha said, wrapping arms around both Alexis and Charlie. "What shall we do? When the cat's away, the mice will play, as they say!"

Charlie shrugged, blinking tiredly. "I don't care. What about you, Alexis?"

Alexis frowned. "I'm gonna go upstairs. I've got work to do."

As Alexis ascended the stairs, she heard Martha say, "I'm sure she's just worn out. C'mon, kiddo, you wanna watch a movie?"

"Okay, Martha," Charlie answered.

When Alexis reached the top, she paused as she heard, "It's Gram now, Charlie." Then she spun on her heel, stalked down the hall, and slammed her door behind her.

Downstairs, Charlie turned to Martha. "What's up with her?"

"I know as much as you, darling." She opened the DVD drawer. "Pick your poison. Do you want popcorn for breakfast?"

"Yes, please!" Charlie grinned. As Martha left the room, she pondered her selections.

* * *

The girls went back to school on Monday, but things did not go back to normal. Charlie would try to initiate conversation after conversation with Alexis, and would either be ignored (in the best case) or yelled at (in the worst). Rick and Kate were meant to be in Bora Bora for two weeks, but by group on Thursday, Charlie was nearly at her breaking point.

"I just don't understand," she said, biting her lip as if to swallow the crack in her voice. "Things were fine between us, and now-"

"I think I get it," said Molly. Soft-spoken and introverted, Molly rarely shared her thoughts. But when she did, everyone listened. "I mean, I'm an only child. If a new kid came into my family, and my parents started putting lots of attention on her, I'd feel pretty jealous."

"But I don't mean for them to ignore her," Charlie said weakly.

"I know," Molly nodded. "And I'm not saying they are. I'm just saying that I'd probably feel that way."

When Charlie went home, she tried to explain her revelation to Alexis. But when she knocked on the door, Alexis didn't answer. After about five minutes, Charlie gave up, and went back downstairs.

"What's up, kiddo?" Martha asked as she sashayed into the living room, which is where Charlie was moping.

"Nothing," Charlie sighed.

Martha laughed. "That was convincing. C'mon, darling, you're in a family of actors now!"

"I don't know, Gram." Charlie whispered. "I don't really feel like I belong."

"Of course you belong," Martha said, wrapping her arms tightly around Charlie's shoulders. Charlie rested her head on the soft, warm silk of Martha's dressing gown, inhaling her flowery-sweet scent. "You belong right here."

They sat like that for a while, and then Martha spoke again. "How about you pick out a movie while I order the three of us some Thai food for dinner?"

Charlie smiled feebly. "Sounds great."

"Once more, with feeling!"

Charlie tried again, plastering on her widest, toothiest grin. "Sounds great!"

"We'll keep practicing, darling," Martha said with a wink.

* * *

As the week wore on, Charlie began spending more and more of her time in her room. Martha often felt as though no one was home because of the quiet that reverberated through the apartment when both girls were upstairs.

On Saturday night, the girls got calls from their parents. They'd emailed and talked briefly, but Kate and Rick had set aside time specifically to call their daughters.

"Hey, Mom," Charlie said happily, as she picked up the call after dinner. "How are you guys? How's the beach?"

"_Everything__'__s __great__,"_ Kate enthused. _"__The __water __is __so __blue__, __and __we__'__re __right __on __the __beach __so __we __can __see __the __ocean __from __our __window__. __It__'__s __mid__-70__s __to __mid__-80__s __all __the __time__, __and __there __have __barely __been __clouds __in __the __sky__, __much __less __rain __or __bad __weather__."_

"That sounds nice," Charlie agreed. "I mean, if you like that sort of thing."

"_You__'__re __so __weird__,"_ Kate joked lightly. _"__I __have __never __met __anyone __who __hates __the __sun __as __much __as __you__."_

Charlie smiled, but didn't laugh. "Yeah," she murmured.

Kate noticed her tone. _"__What__'__s __up__?"_

Charlie pretended not to understand the depth of the question. "Oh, you know. School's fine, even though there was a lot of work to make up. We've been watching a lot of movies and stuff to pass the time...it's so quiet with Rick gone."

Kate laughed loudly. _"__Yeah__, __I __know __what __you __mean__. __You __think __you __can__'__t __wait __to __get __rid __of __him__, __and __then__-"_

Charlie heard an affronted "Hey!" in the background. "Tell Rick hi for me, okay?" She said softly.

"_I __will__, __baby__. __I __love __you__,"_ she said.

"Love you too," Charlie answered. Then she ended the call.

Alexis' conversation with Rick lasted longer, but she was very clipped when he asked her about Charlie, and she spent a lot of time telling him about her various friends and their recent happenings as opposed to her own.

That night, both girls tossed and turned. Charlie had nightmares about Brian, and Alexis had nightmares about her father dying. Both girls spent Sunday lethargic and moody, and their standoff came to a head that night.

Alexis and Charlie had been avoiding each other as much as possible, but they still had to eat meals together. On Sunday afternoon, Alexis tried to change that.

"Gram, we should go out tonight," she suggested.

"Alright," Martha said agreeably. "Where would you like to go?"

"How about Mexican food? Or Indian?"

"Honey, you know Charlie doesn't like spicy food," Martha reminded gently.

"So?" Alexis sassed. "It won't kill her."

"You know the rules. Everyone has to decide on a place together," Martha answered calmly, emphasizing the last word.

Alexis rolled her eyes. "She's so difficult!"

"Go and ask her if she'd be okay with it," Martha said. "If she says yes, then I'd be happy to do that."

Alexis turned on her heel and stalked upstairs.

"I need a stiff drink," Martha muttered, walking over to the bar cart and unscrewing the cap on the gin.

She was in the process of mixing lime juice into her gimlet when she heard the screaming.

"Alexis?" Martha called upstairs, a hint of panic in her voice. "Charlie?"

"Get off me, crazy!" Alexis shrieked. Her tone was malicious, sure, but Martha detected something else in it - fear.

Dropping the shaker on the floor, she ran upstairs to the girls' bedrooms. Charlie's door was open, so she looked there first.

"Charlie!" Martha screeched, aghast at the scene. Charlie had Alexis pinned up against the wall, a forearm against her throat. Alexis had angry red scratch marks on her cheeks, and Charlie's face was completely devoid of emotion.

"Charlie!" Martha said again, approaching them slowly. "Charlie, calm down," she coaxed.

Like a frightened animal, Charlie's ears pricked up at the sound of the soothing voice, and she seemed to come back to herself. Color returned to her cheeks and light returned to her eyes. She felt like she was looking at Alexis for the first time, and when their positions finally registered in her brain, she jerked her arm back and folded in on herself.

"Alexis, are you alright?" Martha asked quietly, examining her granddaughter's face and neck.

Massaging her throat, Alexis nodded. Then she scowled at Charlie. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Martha was taken aback. "Alexis!" She scolded.

"She attacked me!" Alexis yelled.

"Did you say something to her?" Martha asked.

Alexis looked away guiltily for a moment, and then met Martha's gaze with a fiery glare of her own. "How can you take her side? She nearly choked me!"

"I'm not taking sides," said Martha, speaking slowly and calmly. "I just would like to know what happened."

"You are such a traitor," Alexis hissed harshly. Then she stalked out of the room and down the hall, slamming her own door behind her.

Feeling very, very tired, and too flustered to deal with more than one thing at a time, Martha knelt down next to Charlie and tried to get her to stop rocking.

"I'm sorry," Charlie eventually sobbed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"I know you are, darling," Martha comforted. "I know. It wasn't your fault." Gingerly, she tugged Charlie into her arms, and used Charlie's rocking to soothe her to sleep.

* * *

An hour or so later, when Martha had gotten Charlie into bed, Alexis came downstairs, a bit more sheepish than she'd been earlier. But it didn't last.

"Alexis," Martha began. "I want to talk to you about Charlie, and why-"

Alexis huffed. "Are you seriously going to try and excuse what she did to me?"

Martha frowned, deep lines creasing her brow. "I wish you would try to be just the least bit understanding," she said with a sigh. "This isn't like you, Alexis."

"What isn't? This is me," Alexis countered.

"The Alexis I know is generous and kind and loving to _everyone_," Martha responded, shaking her head. "I don't know why Charlie is any different."

Alexis scoffed in disbelief. "Are you kidding?" When Martha's face remained blank, she continued. "She is taking everyone I love away from me! She is taking your love and Dad's love away from me!"

Martha looked at Alexis sadly. "Darling, the first thing you learn when you become a grandparent - or a parent, really - is that there will never be too much love in your heart."

Alexis rolled her eyes and looked away.

"No, no, look at me - you look at me!" Alexis' head snapped back, shocked. Martha had never yelled at her before. "You will always be my first grandchild. But Alexis, that does _not_ mean that you will always be my only grandchild. And like it or not, being a grandmother is my favorite role, next to mother, and I will not shirk my grandmotherly responsibilities to Charlie just because you are jealous!"

"But you're not her grandma! You're _mine_!" Alexis was near tears, and she thinned her lips as she saw that Martha was already crying.

"Being her grandmother does not make me any less yours, Alexis Harper. And I will always love you, with all of my heart. But you must know - I have _never_ been more disappointed in you than I am right now." Martha hid her face in her hands, but Alexis saw her shoulders shaking slightly. "You may go, Alexis."

Alexis knew that it wasn't an offer, and she silently walked to the front door, grabbed her coat, and left. She didn't even have the energy to wave back to Eduardo as she left the building.

She felt terrible. She'd never disappointed Gram - she'd never knowingly disappointed _anyone_. And she didn't know where to go. Ash was in California, her dad was on his honeymoon, and none of her friends would understand what she felt like or why she felt like she did. So she called the only other person she could think of.

"Lanie? Can I come over? I just...need to talk." Alexis took in a shaky breath as she listened to the response. "I'll grab a cab and be there in twenty. Thank you."

She was trembling as she hailed a taxi, only able to out of years of practice. It was like a muscle memory - she saw that yellow sedan and her left arm flew out automatically.

"West 145th, please," Alexis mumbled as she climbed into the back of the cab. She tilted her head back to rest on the pleather and shut her eyes.

"Miss? Miss? We are arrived," the cabbie said, startling Alexis upright. She couldn't tell if she'd actually fallen asleep or not.

"O-oh. Thank you. Erm," she blinked, shaking herself awake. "How much?" Her eyes were blurry enough that she couldn't make out the fare on the meter.

"$27.90."

Alexis pulled out a twenty, a ten, and three wrinkly singles and handed them to him through the window after getting out of the car. "Thank you," she said again. He thumbed his cap and drove away.

Lanie's building was the third on the right, Alexis remembered. The one with red brick and a green awning. There were no cars, so she jaywalked (another sin to add to the growing list) across the street and climbed up the stoop. Lanie had told her to press the button for 3b, and she'd be buzzed in. With a loud quack, the door clicked open, and Alexis let herself in to Divine Estates.

She was too out of it to be nervous about the fact that the elevator kept stalling on the way to the third floor, so it didn't really register that it took about three times as long as it should have. As she walked down the hall to 3b, the door opened.

"Detective Esposito!"

"Lexi, it's Javi. Remember?" She nodded shyly.

"I'm really sorry...I didn't mean to ruin your evening." All the guilt was piling up within her and she was about to explode. Her hands shook as she tried to force herself to calm down.

Esposito looked completely terrified. He had very little experience with emotional teenage girls, and he preferred to keep it that way. "You didn't, A. Just had to drop something off for my chica and then I was gonna hit the road."

Alexis nodded slowly, her forehead creasing in her consternation. Her head felt tight, and her vision was growing spotty. "Javi, I..."

Her voice petered out, and the detective's eyes widened. He wasn't quite sure what to do. And then the girl - his friend's daughter - began to fall to the floor. His army instincts kicked in, and he lunged for her, catching her waist in his arms. He hoisted her up, balancing her with her armpits on his right arm and the crook of her knees on his left. He walked back over to Lanie's door and started kicking.

"Lanie! Lanie!"

"What?" She was cranky until she saw the girl in his arms. "Oh my gosh, Javier...what happened?"

"She was upset, and then she fainted. I mean, I think. I'm no doctor." He looked meaningfully at her, and she shook her head.

"Oh, yeah, of course! Bring her in, baby." Lanie tugged on one of her curls, stepping aside to let Esposito pass. He looked questioningly at her, gesturing with his eyes towards the limp figure in his arms. "Just set her on the couch."

"So, tell me what happened." Lanie was in full doctor mode.

"She...she looked a little confused, and she was paler than normal, like she was sick. I think maybe she got dizzy? And then she just passed out."

Lanie thought for a moment. "I think she might be dehydrated. Will you go get her a glass of water, please?" Esposito nodded and went into the kitchen. "With a straw, Javi!"

Lanie gently pressed her thumb and forefinger into Alexis' jaw to open her mouth. Sure enough, her tongue looked swollen, and her mouth was very dry. There were also the fading stripes on her face, and some dark discoloration on her neck. And then Alexis began to gag, and her eyes fluttered open.

"Lanie? What-"

"Shh, baby. You fainted. You wanna sit up a little and drink some water?" Lanie cooed softly, helping Alexis into a sitting position as Esposito came back in with a lidded tumbler full of ice water. Alexis nodded gratefully at the detective and sipped slowly, her mouth and teeth unused to the cold liquid.

Esposito kissed Lanie goodbye and left, again. Lanie pulled Alexis' legs into her lap and waited (uncharacteristically patiently) for her to begin.

"Thanks for the water," Alexis said quietly.

"Of course, baby. You wanna tell me about the bruise on your neck? Or the scratches on your face? Or why you fainted in my hallway?"

Alexis grimaced. "I fought with Charlie."

"And she attacked you?" Lanie asked in shock.

"Yeah, but..." Alexis' voice was meek. "I kinda provoked her. I was...I don't know what came over me. I just hate her!"

"No, you don't," Lanie murmured.

Alexis was quiet for a long time before she spoke again. "What is wrong with me, Lanie?" Alexis' voice was soft, and she couldn't meet Lanie's eyes.

"Nothing's wrong with you, honey. What is this whole thing about?"

"I'm so...I don't even know! I'm so _mad_ at Charlie. She's ruining everything."

"Like what?"

Alexis sighed. "Everything was perfect, before, when it was just me and Dad and Gram. Now there's Kate, and Kate's fine, but there's Charlie too, and she's taking everyone away from me!"

Lanie cocked a brow. "Now, Alexis Castle, I know you are much smarter than that. Smart enough to know that your father and grandmother, and especially Kate, love you very much."

"She's just getting so much _attention_," Alexis whined.

"She's been through a lot, sweetie."

Alexis' eyes flashed. "Don't you think I've been through a lot, too? Always being afraid that my dad, my only real family, isn't coming home again? Always worrying that something might happen to jeopardize the life I have? Always wondering if every morning when I say goodbye to him that it might be the last time? Lanie, I am so scared, all the time. And I got past my anger at Kate, but this is too much. If I have my dad, I want to be able to have him!"

"You don't want to share him," Lanie amended.

Alexis' face fell. "I'm a horrible person."

"Honey," Lanie crooned, stretching out the syllables. "Look at me."

Alexis lifted her eyes to meet Lanie's.

"Being jealous does not make you horrible. It makes you _human_. Something which, frankly, I wasn't sure if you were. You are such a good kid! And I'm sorry that I made it sound like you haven't had a lot to deal with. You have," Lanie said seriously. "But maybe, instead of taking out your anger on Charlie, you can try to feel a little empathy. You know how painful even the thought of losing your dad can be. Well, not only has Charlie had that thought, she's lived it. With her father, her brothers, and then her mother. Kate is her only family, now, and your dad and grandma are just trying to make her feel safe and wanted."

"Does it have to be at my expense, though?" Alexis said quietly.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry." Lanie was sincere, but also nearing the end of her rope.

"I made Gram really upset."

Lanie clucked her sympathy. "I think you should go back and apologize, don't you?"

Alexis nodded, and then winced. "You think she'll accept it?"

"Of course she will! She loves you, Alexis."

"Sometimes love hurts," Alexis muttered.

Lanie helped Alexis downstairs, and flagged her down a cab. She sent her off with a kiss on the cheek and a "good luck!"

* * *

Alexis shifted her weight from foot to foot as she waited for someone to get the door. When she heard the lock click, she stood up ramrod straight. Martha looked more tired than Alexis had ever seen her, and Alexis couldn't help herself. She ran into her grandmother's arms, hugging her tightly around the neck and apologizing over and over.

Martha placed gentle kisses along Alexis' hairline, but then pulled back from the embrace. "I'm not the one you need to apologize to," she said gently.

Alexis sighed. "I know." She turned to go up the stairs, but paused. "I know in my head that you love me the same," she said softly. "But sometimes my heart's a little slow."

Martha smiled fondly. "Sometimes, mine is too."

Alexis nodded, and then climbed the steps to the second level.

"Charlie?" She knocked softly on the door, but there was no answer. Cracking it open, she looked in, only to find that Charlie was still passed out. She closed the door again gently, and went back downstairs.

"She's still asleep," Alexis said.

"Well, I'm hungry," Martha said. "Are you? I was thinking we might order in some Indian. How does that sound?"

"What about Charlie?" Alexis asked.

"I'll make her something later if she feels like it. For now, I think you and I need to catch up over some green curry and samosas."

"That would be great, Gram," Alexis agreed with a grin. Martha wrapped an arm around her shoulders and they walked in tandem to the living room, chatting all the way.

* * *

Charlie woke up with a start. It was pitch black in her room, and she looked at her watch. "Ten o'clock? I slept for six hours?"

There was a sick feeling in her stomach, and she suddenly remembered the events of the day. Her skin was on fire, her chest was tight, and she felt like she wanted to crawl out of her body and go somewhere else for a while.

Then she was struck by an idea. She didn't have to leave her body to go somewhere new - she just had to get away. As quietly as she could, she prepared her knapsack with her old clothes, a picture of her family, Norman, and some provisions she'd stored away for an emergency. Hoarding food was a trait she'd picked up under Brian's rule, because he often would deny her meals if she displeased him. It also came in handy when living in crowded spaces with a bunch of hungry teenagers, and she couldn't seem to shake it when she moved in with Kate. Now she was glad she hadn't, because she would be well off for a couple of days until she found out where the new good places to lift supplies were.

She penned a quick note to Martha saying she'd gone to school early, changed into her uniform to ward off suspicion, and waited until she was sure that everyone had gone to bed.

Around four-thirty AM, she crept downstairs, planted the note, and took off into the night.

* * *

"Mother?" Rick called out. "Alexis? Charlie?"

"Charlie? Lex? Martha?" Kate echoed her husband.

The couple had decided to cut their honeymoon short after talking to their daughters. Though they didn't say it outright, both girls sounded unhappy, and Kate and Rick felt guilty leaving Martha alone to deal with whatever was going wrong. They also weren't having the best time, given that every time they began to relax, they were immediately accosted by paparazzi.

Rick put their suitcases in their room, and was about to call again for his mother when she appeared, hair mussed and eyes tired.

"Richard," she sighed.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Charlie. Oh, Kate, I am so sorry," Martha exclaimed. "She and Alexis have been butting heads, but last night Alexis picked a fight, and I suppose Charlie was rather upset by it because she left a note saying that she'd gone to school early. I tried to call her, but her phone went straight to voicemail, and Alexis came home an hour ago saying she hadn't seen her at all."

"She might have run away again," Kate suggested, but a bad feeling knotted her stomach. "Have you talked to the station?"

"I called Captain Montgomery," Martha replied, "to ask if he'd seen Charlie - but neither he nor the other detectives have seen her at all."

Rick ran a hand through his hair. "Have you looked in her room?"

"Her school bag is gone, but not much else."

"I'm gonna go look around," Kate whispered to Rick, hoping Martha didn't hear.

Noticing Kate's awkward look as she headed for the stairs, Martha said, "Don't worry, darling, I understand. It's a mother's instinct, and being a cop makes it worse."

Kate smiled grimly. "Thank you, Martha."

She bounded up the stairs and rounded the corner to Charlie's room. At first glance, nothing was too off - bed partially made, clothes here and there, and papers littered on the desk and floor. But upon closer inspection, things that should have been there weren't - Charlie's old clothes, for one, and the picture of her family that she kept on her nightstand. After a quick inspection of the room, Kate determined that Norman, Charlie's teddy bear, was not there either.

When Kate came back downstairs, the look on her face told Rick all he needed to know. He rubbed his eyes. They'd left Tahiti at eight the previous evening, had reached Newark Liberty at two PM EST, and had gotten by on only a few hours of turbulent and stiff airplane sleep. But their seemingly endless journey home, coupled with the newfound discovery that one of their children was missing, had transformed their jetlag into glorified somnambulance.

"Castle," Kate said softly. "I'm scared. I haven't worried about her scumbag stepdad in a while, because I've always been with her or known where she'd be. But now..."

"I know," Rick agreed, his own heart beating a little bit faster. "We'll find her, Kate."

"Okay," Kate whispered.

"Okay," Rick repeated. "Let's go."

Grabbing their coats again, the partners left the loft and began their search for Charlie. Though neither voiced their fear, they both prayed they wouldn't be too late.


End file.
